Mutual Bliss
by akalae
Summary: Love, for Ino, was merely an illusion. But he could make it real. He could make everything real. NaruIno. Sequel to Romance, On a Whim.
1. A late awakening

-1Hello again, everyone! For this story, I will be updating on a chapter by chapter basis, instead of a one-shot. It seems to give me more time to think.

Oh, and unlike other authors, I _love _flaming! If you think my story is _stupid, _great! If, heavens forbid, you should find it _insipid_, wonderful! (Although, it is a sadly small percentage of people who even know what that word means.) Just tell me _why. _I really want to know what people think of my work!

The same, of course, goes for compliments. An "Oh great", or "Cool" is not enough! I demand more! Like my characterization? _tell me! _Like my prose? My style? _Say it loud_! Just give me feedback, so I can become a better writer. After all, the better my writing gets, the more the readership benefits!

And, by the way. You may have read this before, but I am _not _a pervert. I'm simply a person whose sexual behavior is considered unacceptably deviant.

Oh dear…that _is _a pervert, isn't it?

Oh well, enough of my chatter! Sit back, ladies and gentlemen, and enjoy the show.

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Sunlight crawled across the high towers of Hohno, capital of the fire province, making the city seem awash in flame. Through alleys, it reached, and past doors, lengthening the shadows in the Dying hours of late morning.

Through closed eyelids, Yamanaki Ino saw only ruddy pink. Instead of registering as a warm noonday sun, the light was instantly categorized as a bothersome annoyance. With blind, groping hands, she reached out, to pull down her blindfolds.

Her hands met air. Frowning in her sleep, she made another pass at it, scowling as her questing hand repeatedly met nothing. Finally, she lunged, in a single determined effort, and felt----

A warm hand, enveloping hers.

Her eyes shot open. There, in her bed, smiling only the faintest of his mischievous smiles, was Naruto, his eyes crinkled in amusement.

"Awake, are we?" he asked, gently.

The previous night's exertions flooded Ino's memory, prompted only by a glance at her lover's soft gaze.

"Quite awake." she replied, curtly. Within seconds, she grimaced, and berated herself, for her impishness. "Er, that is to say…yes, I suppose."

"Well, that's all right, then." Naruto nuzzled her cheek with his nose, and slowly extracted himself from the covers. "I'll be making breakfast, so you hurry on, and get dressed. We're expected at the loading dock, by at least noon."

Ino felt a moment of disappointment. After all their night had entailed, Naruto still managed o act as if nothing had changed. She had hoped for a more--

His lips descended from nowhere. She cursed his ungodly mastery of stealth. Delicately licking his way past her lips, he engaged her in an eye opening, electric kiss.

"What was that for?" she whispered wonderingly.

He rolled his eyes. "Do I need a reason for everything, Ino? Let's tally it up to an instant of impulsive, uncontrollable love, shall we?"

Ino grinned. Their day had been redeemed. With fresh determination, she strode to the large closet, that lay at the end of their shared suite.

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Naruto was in the kitchen, a surprising addition in the luxury suite of a hotel. Then again, given their employer's reputation, and their status as S-Rank ninja, she was unsurprised. The owners of the hotel were no doubt eager to please, and had prepared for every contingency. From the sizzling of the many pans upon the stove, Naruto was experimenting with this newfound boon, with zeal.

Ino sniffed the air. The kitchen was filled, with a rich, meaty aroma.

"Mushrooms?" she exclaimed, raising an eyebrow. "Please don't tell me you're cooking mushrooms for breakfast."

Naruto sniffed indignantly. "I think it's never to early for mushrooms. Besides, with the current time, I'd say this is more of a late brunch."

"There is no way that you can cook those mushrooms, without making a meal too rich for morning fare."

"Watch me." With simple defiance, Naruto sent all of Ino's reasoning to shambles. An all to common occurrence these days, she realized sourly. She sat back, her arms crossed, waiting for him to realize his folly, a smirk waiting on the tips of her lips.

To her utter irritation, he proved to be right. When breaded, with a proper mixture of spice, and a sauce that could only be described as heavenly, he managed to prove that mushrooms make the perfect breakfasting food. She stifled several moans, through the course of their meal, much to Naruto's delight.

"Well," he remarked casually, "Now I can make you moan, in and out of bed."

She had almost choked on her mushroom, from outrage, then laughter, as Naruto rushed to her side, alarmed. His look of panicked concern seemed so alien on his easygoing features, and she simply couldn't keep all her giggling inside.

"Why Naruto, that may be the first worried look I've ever seen from you!" she lilted.

"Yes…" he murmured. "It's absolutely unforgivable, the way you make me worry." he said, playfully. "You'll make me die of anxiety, long before old age sets in."

"Then," she said. "You should make the most of what you have, while you still have it."

"I am." he held her head lightly, and whispered softly into her ears, "I'm here, with you, aren't I? And I'll hold to you, for as long as you'll let me. However long that may be."

"Eternity." she whispered in reply.

He kissed her ear, nibbling lightly on her lobe. "I've no doubt of it. Your tenacity can accomplish just about anything, by my reckoning." His arms entwined around her hips, and his long fingers circled lazily down her neck.

"Enough of that!" she said, taken somewhat aback by his sensuous movements. "Didn't you get enough yesterday?"

"No." he said, breezily. "Did you?"

"No." she admitted. "But we need to be at the docks by twelve…"

Naruto glanced disparagingly at the obstructive timekeeping device that lay on their mantle. It read 11:39 "Oh, I suppose…" he waved his arm theatrically. "We shall do as needs must." his eyes danced, as they met hers. "Let's continue after our work is finished."

"Yes." she said, licking her lips, tentatively. "Let's."

And as simple as that, they vanished, into puffs of smoke. Outside their suite, in the dark shadows cast by the hot sunlight, a civilian may have seen a passing flash of clothing, a glint of drawn daggers.

Then again, probably not. They were Ninja, after all.


	2. Unforseen complications

Their employer was a fat, pudgy smear of a man, rank with the mixed scents of avarice, and sweat. Even as they met with him, in his office by the docks, he counted a small stack of coins, over and over again, as if afraid to get a wrong sum, each time.

"I trust" he squelched, "That you found your accommodations to your liking? I believed that it would be wiser to sacrifice interpersonal comfort, for luxury. If I offended, I do apologize…"

"No! Oh, good heavens, of course, not." interjected Naruto. "We found our room to be quite…receptive to our respective comfort zones." he smiled, brightly, and Ino blushed, at this blatant declaration.

Their employer waved his plump hand, displaying greasy, thick fingers. "Then I am happy for you. But I hope that in your enjoyment, you did not forget the purpose of your mission here….?"

Naruto gave a curt nod. "No, of course not. We were summoned to guard your boats, purportedly for the transport, and sale, thereof, of medical equipment."

Their employer mopped his head with a soggy handkerchief. "Yes. I have very valuable medical machinery, that absolutely must be carried to Geju Island. Your protection is needed, in order to protect us from gangs of hooligans who roam the islands. They declared modern medicine a devil-damned corruption, several years ago, and have been fighting modernization ever since." Despite his easygoing tone, their employer was fiddling with his coins at a blurring pace, shifting piles here and there. "This, of course, obstructs the arrival of proper medical assistance to thousands of sick islanders---"

"We ninja," reminded Naruto, quietly, "are not known for our compassion."

"Ah, yes. The payment will be ten-thousand ryo, upon delivery."

"Then all is in order." Naruto's hand touched the doorknob. "We look forward to working with you, sir."

"The pleasure is mine." The gold coins were now drenched in sweat, glistening with an oily sheen. "Very much so."

Awkward silence reigned. Naruto prompted, "And, when would this operation be carried out?"

Their employer blinked. "The ship leaves tonight. I was hoping you could accompany us then. Your hotel will hold your things, until your return." He flapped his hands. "Now, please, go. You are…dismissed, or released, or whatever the term is."

Naruto and Ino fled, as quickly as humanly possible, within the bounds of policy. Outside the office, Ino pulled him aside.

"Did you believe any of that?" she sneered.

"Not one word, love." he chuckled. "The tang of smoke and gunmetal were positively rank, on that man. He's smuggling firearms, mark my words."

"What should we do?"

Naruto raised an eyebrow. "Why Ino, I'm surprised you even feel the need to ask! We're ninja! So long as the pay is good, there's no job too unsavory for us."

Her face fell. "I suppose. But still, firearms? You realize, that the general population of citizens on Geju, are farmers? He's probably selling these things _to _the brigands he was warning us against."

Naruto shook his head. "No, too obvious. The rogues of Geju are far too poor to afford something of this scale." his mouth set in a grim line. "whatever organization is financing this, must be very wealthy, for starters, and also very new." He tugged them both out of the hallway, wincing slightly at the brash noise that met them as they emerged into the busy streets.

"New?"

"Well, I haven't heard of them, and I make it a habit of mine to associate myself with rogues and scoundrels whenever possible."

"Since, after all, you are one."

"Would you love me if I wasn't?" he caught her arm, guided her off a nearby curb, before a passing cart could knock her over.

For a moment, Ino and Naruto were locked in a single, clear gaze, hazed only slightly by a drifting cloud of dust. "Um…I…" words fled her lips like sailors from a sinking ship.

"You…?" Naruto nudged her. "well?"

"I…we, that is, can't afford to be distracted! Er, after all, if the organization behind this turns out to be another Akatsuki, we may have some trouble on our hands, right?"

"You" said Naruto dryly, "Are changing the subject."

She blushed. "And if I am? I, unlike you, I have my priorities in order."

Naruto bent by her, brushing her single, constantly trailing shock of hair from her eyes. "Yes, yes you do. And always, it diverts you from _living_ life. So, I have taken it upon myself to put your priorities in the right order. Joy second, work third."

Ino licked her lips. "And first?"

"Love, of course." He swept them both together, like a whirlwind, blowing aside all reservations and doubt. She held to him, like a lifeline, reveling in the freedom she felt, when she was with him.

"The ship leaves when?" she asked, urgently.

"In a few hours" he whispered. "And, to answer your inevitable question, there's no time to go back to our suite, and come back."

She opened her eyes to her fullest extent, and pouted longingly at him. "What if I said please?"

He laughed. "Then I would still have to say no. What's gotten into you Ino? You're acting like a love-struck teenager!"

She swatted at him, playfully. "I feel like a love-struck teenager!"

He nipped along her neck. "Well, I feel like a love-smitten _child. _That, by my reckoning, makes me twice as love-struck."

Passerby were beginning to stare at them now, men and women both, with envious eyes. With embarrassed coughs, and apologetic murmurs, Naruto and Ino parted.

"Did you see that lady?" She asked. "She was giving you the old 'if I were ten years younger' look."

"And that man," he murmured, "Was giving you the 'If only I were three inches longer' look"

"Pig!"

"Yes…" he snorted, to prove her point. "But _your_ pig, body and soul."

"Hmm…" She turned right, then left. "You've piqued me." their slow walk had taken them to one of the side alleys, removed from the main roads. "Let's see how much of you I really own."

"I'm all ears." his hands, imbued with that infuriatingly arousing touch, slid silkily down her back. "And hands, as well."

"An intriguing prospect, and one I absolutely _have _to experience." she sighed.

"Then allow me to--- _DUCK!_" With unearthly speed, he pulled her down, ignoring her whoop of protest. She turned upwards, and the dull grey handle of a kunai, firmly stuck to the wall above them, was all the explanation she needed to see.

In one fluid motion, the both of them had drawn their weapons, and readied their supplies of chakra. Without a single word spoken between them, they knew, instinctively where the other would be.

It was yet another unseen perk to physical intimacy, Ino realized, with satisfaction.

With unspoken agreement, they scampered up the nearest handle hold, hoisting themselves upon the rooftops. In the distance, a cloaked figure could be seen, running in the opposite direction.

"Cloaks?!" muttered Naruto. "In midday? Our assassin is either a complete idiot, or has a flair for the extravagant."

"Probably both!" Exclaimed Ino. "Look; He's ducking into that crowd over there."

Naruto rolled his eyes. "Could you be any more orthodox? He certainly does seem to like going by the book." With quick, sharp eyes, he scanned the passers-by. A flash of dark black stuck out like a sore thumb. "Cover me, love."

Ino let fly with a handful of kunai. Through miraculous coincidence, each one landed mere inches before their would-be murderer, without harming a single civilian.

"Showy." Naruto murmured in disapproval.

"Effective." she shot back.

The assassin turned right, then left. Naruto and Ino stood imposingly, before, and behind him. He searched for a crowd to disappear into, and found none. The people of Hohno, being a good deal more used to street murder than the citizens of most other cities, had already vacated the premises.

Menacingly, Naruto strode forward. "Do you know who we are?" he asked, at last.

Wordlessly, the failed killer nodded.

"And therefore, it is safe to assume," Naruto continued, "That you know our capabilities."

Again, a nod.

Naruto was momentarily taken aback. "Well, you must have been offered quite the sum, then. _I_ wouldn't come near me for any more than a hundred thousand ryo." He grinned, his teeth feral, even in the midday sun. "But of course, that is of no import. My question is this; who sent you?"

Silence.

Naruto calmly grabbed him by the collar, and shook him, causing the hood of the heavy cloak to fall. "I don't brook that kind of attitude, my friend. Tell us what we want to know, now, or we'll---" he hesitated.

Underneath to cloak was nothing.

Or rather, there was no face underneath the cloak. The body underneath it moved with mechanical, inhuman stiffness, and stank of oil, and foul chakra.

Naruto recoiled, pushing the assassin away. His hands came off black, stained with ink.

_Ink?_

With growing horror, Naruto realized the cloak was no cloak at all, merely a chakra-sensitive piece of linen, painted over, with thousands of tiny seals.

Explosive ones.

His reaction was one of instinct, and pure luck. Summoning up the proper seals, he summoned doppelgangers of himself, in the hundreds, to assist him. Within the precious seconds they had remaining, the majority of them managed to put themselves between himself, Ino, and the explosive decoy.

The following explosion was hotter than the sun, and colder than death.


	3. Gunpowder Daze

Hello all. I've been offline for quite some time now, and for that, I can only give a sincere apology. Let's just say that life got in the way. I can;t really give a secure timetable for my updates, but i really am trying to do so regularly.

Also, I've received several reviews about how highbrow my work is. Be it compliment, or criticism, I like it anyways. Frankly, I am quite tired of the standard fare that his site traffiks in. I mean really, anyone can write trash like this:

"OMG nruto! i did not no that U lve me!" Hinata say, crying. "I M soooooooooooo happy!"

And they live hppily evar after. THE ENDE.

Forgive me for saying so, but we really need to raise the bar here. I've seen several really great works out there, (Mostly from my reviewers--You guys are a very talented lot, I'll say that much) And I think if we just make a combined effort, we can really improve the overall quality of this site. So highbrow--yes. Highbrow and proud of it, baby!

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"--akeup."

Ino could barely hear. Her head had been rattled terribly by the blast, and she felt something warm and sticky oozing from a gash in her forehead.

"--Ake up, 'No!"

A strong, steady arm helped her out of a pile of rubble.

"--Re you 'right 'ove?"

Woozily, she leaned against than arm, to steady herself. She found herself with more than she had bargained for, when that selfsame arm wrapped itself around her, surrounding her in a secure embrace.

"Oh thank every god in the sky." said a hazy voice.

She looked up. Naruto's ice-blue eyes shone like jewels from a his dusty, smudged face.

"What wash that?" she slurred. "It felt like a bomb, and a freesher, all in one."

"Explosives, packed within a layer of super-frozen ice. Hard to maintain, but worthwhile. Ice melts, you see. No evidence."

"Cleverrr." she groaned.

"Now is not the time to admire their methods." he said, with a lopsided smile. He tried to keep his expression stern. "Now, no more of that wooziness, Ino. There's no time for that." despite his efforts, his attempts at martial severity failed. His eyes softened, the ice within them melting, to a deeper, darker blue. "Oh, look at you. What a mess this is." He brushed them both off, and held her gently by her shoulders. "ready, do you think?"

"Carrry m-me." she demanded petulantly.

"What?"

"Carry me."

"Ino, we're in the middle of a _mission. _We can't--" He stared at her eyes. "You're not lucid, are you?"

"Perrrfetly lushid." she moaned, her pupils dilating wildly. "Perrfekt."

"I swear Ino, if you're faking this, I will tickle you until the next ice age." Naruto checked her over thoroughly, and gave her a strong wash of his chakra, to pull her together. "Better?"

Her eyed focused, and she shook her head, dizzily. "Ye-es…yes."

"good. We need to get to the ship, remember?"

"Why-" she faltered. "Oh gods. The explosion---a decoy?"

Naruto nodded darkly. "Perhaps."

"But the warehouse---all that gunpowder---"

"All the more reason to hurry, love."

She gave a curt affirmation. Together, they leapt off into the night.

Any observant passerby would have noticed that they were holding hands.

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When they reached the docks, the storage warehouse was in shambles. Sparks tossed here and there, amongst the rubble from a vast explosion.

While Ino searched the grounds, Naruto questioned the local forensics team.

"The guards, how did they die?"

"I see lacerations all over, but no visible trace of any hard physical murder tools. Thin blood too, very watery. If I knew any better, I would say these poor men were done in with ice! Impossible, of course, since ice is far to brittle--"

"thank you." Naruto finished brusquely. He hurried to Ino's side. "What did you find?"

"Funny, I see all the debris from one of our culprit's flaming popsicles, but no trace of the gunpowder that was supposed to be here." she frowned, as Naruto snickered. "What?"

"Flaming popsicles?"

"Hot and cold, right?" she grinned as well. "But really, Naruto, this worries me. There's no gunpowder here at all!"

"That would be through my intervention." said a voice behind them. Their employer, of course. His slimy voice was recognizable, even when it was whispered.

Naruto nodded. "I guessed as much. You didn't seem to be the kind who put all his eggs in one basket."

Their employer smiled. "No, I most certainly am not. The goods are safely on board the cargo ship _Hohno." _

"Goods?" Ino narrowed her eyes. "Gunpowder, am I right?"

Their employer smiled easily. "I think it's awfully presumptuous for hirelings to question the intent of their employers, don't you? You two were hired, because I have heard that ninja will deal with any job, without compunction. If you have any problem with my selling firearms, please, just say so!" His soft, weak eyes gained a harder, far more dangerous glint. "Although, I must warn you, your safety may not be guaranteed, if you do."

Naruto remained stone-faced, and simply said, "We have no problems with your cargo."

"That is very good. In any case, I expect to see the both of you at the harbor's edge, in half an hour's time." With that, their employer vanished into one of the many crevices that lay hidden in the streets.

"Gods, but he's a fast slug." muttered Ino.

Naruto chuckled. "And a rich slug."

"No surprise there. Money must simply _stick. _to him."

"Seems that way."

"Plus, he's a pompous slug. Did you hear the smugness in that sentence? 'I cannot guarantee your safety'! Simply unbelievable. How does he presume to threaten a ninja?"

"Well, he _is_ an arms dealer."

"A trained ninja can defeat an army of gun-toting hirelings! Why, I alone, could probably incapacitate all the so-called males in this city in one sitting!"

"Yes yes, you are an absolute terror in combat, love. In fact, I think we can scratch the combat. You are an absolute terror. Then again, I wouldn't have you any other way."

"The fearsome queen, and her handsome pig."

Naruto grimaced. "Handsome _consort. _Pig is such a strong word."

"Well then, _consort, _I demand that you escort me to the harbor, at once! We have important matters to attend to."

"If I must, my queen," he said, sweetly. "Although, I must admit, that I anticipated much more…strenuous tasks, to be given to the royal consort." He nudged her gently, as they made their way towards the main road.

"Strenuous?"

"Oh yes. If you will believe it, the rumor is circulating that the position of royal consort is really no more than that of a glorified sex-slave!"

"And yet, Naruto, I cannot help but notice that you chose that position for yourself."

"I can't help it. I live to serve, remember? In _every possible way_." he managed to inflect his words the precise amount to innuendo needed to convey his message.

Ino darted closer to him, and pulled his arm around her waist. "I'm afraid you'll have to settle for this, for now."

"I can wait" said Naruto, piercing her with his passionate, lust-inducing eyes. "I am, after all, a very patient man."

Ino didn't believe a word of it.

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	4. Private activities

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The _Hohno _was an unremarkable ship, a simple metal box, with a fuming diesel engine to propel it. As a result, the passenger quarters seemed superfluous, an afterthought to what was essentially a floating warehouse.

They were, however, large, and that was all Ino wanted to know. After boarding the ship, she collapsed onto a cushioned sofa, that had been hastily moved within the ship, just before their arrival.

"Thirty minutes," she groaned. "No time to even take a shower. The man is merciless. Look at me!" she waved her arms, her clothes still lightly coated by a dusty layer of limestone. "I'm like a human statue."

"As I recall," Naruto whispered mischievously, just behind her, "The majority of such statues are in the nude."

"Hm. Then I'll just have to be an exception."

"Oh yes." Naruto brushed a speck of limestone dust from her hair. "You certainly are exceptional."

"And don't you forget it!"

"Perish the thought!" he exclaimed. "I don't think there will ever be a day, when I don't marvel at how amazing you are."

"Just making sure." she giggled. Then, a frown flitted across her face. "By the way, earlier today, after the explosion…"

"Yes?"

"Did you give me a chakra wash? To induce lucidity?"

"Well, yes. I certainly couldn't have you dazed and disoriented in a danger zone, now could I?"

"It's just---I feel _energized. _Like I could take on the world."

"That would be a common feeling, for must individuals with a chakra surplus."

"well yes, but as you injected your chakra, I thought, just for a moment…I mean, there was something…"

Naruto's brows knitted. "Yes?"

She flopped over on the couch, her belly facing downwards. "Oh never mind. It was probably nothing, just a trick of sensation." she rolled over again. "Ugh! These blasted boats! All this rocking makes my head spin. "

"Well, you're doing it all wrong, love. You've got to feel for a…rhythm, sort of." he slipped deftly onto the couch, by Ino. After a few minutes of tussling, she managed to land above him.

Ino was painfully aware of their contact. Every flicker of Naruto's sky-blues eyes, each flutter of his short, golden hair, became obvious, with their close proximity. Her breathing quickened. "Rh-Rhythm, you said?"

He looked up at her, feeling the beating of her heart, and the hot, quick breaths she took, as they pulled closer and closer together. "Yes, Ino, rhythm." He laughed. "You've got to calm down, first." he wrapped his arms around her. "Just try to breathe with me, now. This time around, breathe with the waves, not against them."

Together, they took a deep breath. They did so, again, and again. Ino calmed, as the rocking waves, underneath the ship, became less of a nuisance, and more of a soft lullaby. Together with Naruto's warm, tactile body, she felt herself drift further into the land of Nod.

"Just sleep for a bit," he murmured, unable to contain a vast yawn. "Just until we get there. I'll wake us up."

She nodded, drowsily. "Right. Okay." It was easy to acquiesce. He was warm, and supportive, smelled relatively nice (a first, for Ino) and she was getting sleepier by the minute.

The waves moved the ship, and they moved with the waves.

Back and forth…

Back and forth…

Back…

And slumber.

They slipped into their separate dreamscapes, holding each other tightly in their arms.

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Naruto was very warm. He _exuded _warmth. Be it in conversation, or in simple body language, he seemed to carry the precise cocktail of communicative ingredients required to make Ino feel at peace.

A few hours ago, for instance, she had nearly been blown to bits, by a cleverly crafted explosive. Months ago, she would have obsessed over it. She would have relived that moment, over and over, analyzing every trivial detail, in hopes of procuring a clue.

But now, in _his _presence, lying next to him, with his slow, infuriatingly calm breathing tickling to hairs of her temple, all she could think about was his _warmth._

A slow, contented grin slid across her face, brought on by the combined efforts of Naruto's tickling, and his body temperature. The tickling, in particular. Even sleeping, he still managed to excite her most ticklish areas.

Well, excite her, anyway.

She could feel the ponderous beat of his heart, trace her fingers around his lips, pouted with sleep. He really did look ridiculous, like a pubescent teenager expecting a first kiss.

Then, his lips smoothed out, back to the soft, kissable half-moons she knew so well, and she was filled with the overwhelming desire to…But of course, that was inappropriate. They were _professionals, _on a _mission, _as Naruto would say.

Yet still…she looked longingly at those irresistible lips. Hers, and hers alone now, she thought, with relish. It was, after all, custom to take advantage of one's belongings, was it not? And she did wish to kiss him so…

She lay like that, sprawled above him, her lips caught inches from his, for several minutes.

Finally, he stirred. "If you want to kiss me, love, then kiss me. Otherwise, you're putting me in a very awkward position here."

She blinked. "you're awake?"

"Or in a _very _good dream. Take your pick."

"I pick _you."_

"Not on the menu, love. Sorry."

She let out a throaty growl, and stretched out, in a positively _feline_ manner, above him. "And what if I choose to _take _what I want, by force?"

Naruto regarded her dryly. "Oh yes, since an S-class ninja such as myself is absolutely defenseless against the monstrous strength of Yamanaka Ino."

"You've got that right."

"Other than your stunning good looks, bubbling cheer, and rapier-thin wit, what could you use against me, eh? _Really, _Ino."

She glared at him. Flashing several hand signs, she immersed Naruto in an unvoiced confusion web. Lines of her chakra burned brightly through his nervous system, effectively rendering his body immobile.

_Most _of his body, anyways. She left his head, for the tongue, and also, another organ of his anatomy. He used it so very well. How could she resist?

"Oh for _goodness _sake!" protested Naruto. "Play fair, at least."

"You're taller than I am. And bigger. I needed to even the playing field."

"What, by _paralyzing_ me?"

"What Ino wants," She said breezily, as she straddled him, "Ino gets."

"Well, she should start thinking of ways to get what she wants, _without--_" he was cut off, as she kissed him, forcefully. When he began to swirl his tongue, lighting up her entire mouth with a shocking current of pleasure, she merely numbed it.

His tongue, that is.

"Thith, ith abtholuthely thoopid." he murmured.

"Is not." she whispered. "I want to be in _complete _control this time."

"Yes, but what use is _control._" She felt his pleasuring, burning caress, near her breasts. "If you don't feel _good _when you're exercising it?"

Damn his fingers! They had always been deft, so very cunning! With each little jerk, with each little twirl, she found her self slipping further and further into _his _realm, a place of utter, total bliss.

She was, quite literally, in the palm of his hands.

Hands…?

"Ah!" she half-moaned. "Y-you're not supposed to be able to move your hands!"

"Aren't I?" Naruto shot her a cherubic smile.

"And your tongue is supposed to be paralyzed!"

"It _is?" _He said, with a fox-like grin.

"And you're not supposed to be able to…mm…not…oh…" she could barely construct a coherent sentence anymore, damn him!

"If _you_ feel good." he whispered, nuzzling her breasts fondly, "And _I_ feel good, who needs to worry about a petty thing like _control?_"

His tongue, no longer frozen, made its trailing, burning way down her neck. Naruto could taste sweat, and bits of limestone, but her reaction was worth it. Ino lay above him, immobilized with lust.

"Do you want to be in control?" he asked her, teasingly. "If you want, I could just…stop."

The thought was unbearable to Ino. All the sensation, all the passion she felt, the very idea of losing it was tantamount to dying, for her. "No!" she gasped. Then quieting, she purred, "No, oh consort mine. Don't stop now, I _forbid _it."

"Well, the least you could give me is a please."

"_Please._" Her eyes were filled with an urgent passion, a flaming, all-consuming arousal. Naruto was struck by the force of that remark. He smiled, tenderly.

"Well, in that case, I'll take it up a notch, shall I?"

Ino gasped. His hands seemed to be _everywhere!_ They stroked through her hair, around her hips, traced across her legs, and then burst, into sporadic motion. It felt like being bathed in pleasure. She no longer heard herself moaning, she no longer cared for propriety, or policy. Her entire world--her entire universe, was pleasure.

And then, just as things were starting to get interesting, they heard a knock at the door.

Cursing, Naruto and Ino scrambled off each other, and hurriedly adjusted the other's clothes, in order to seem presentable.

"Yes?" he called.

"Ah--Uhm…Your emp-ployer wishes t-to meet you, sir." there was an audible gulp. "a-and madam."

Curious, Naruto opened the door, to see a rail thin scarecrow of a boy, no less than sixteen, standing at their doorstep, blushing furiously. "T-terribly sorry to int-terrupt your…er…"

"Private activities?" ventured Ino.

"Yes…t-terribly sorry, but you are n-needed in the c-captain's cabin. W-we have al-m-most arrived, y-you see."

Ino gave Naruto a mischievous glance. "Well, then, young man…"

"Hachi, m-ma'am."

"Yes, Hachi, then. Thank you _so _very much for taking the time to tell us this." she pursed her lips by the tiniest degree, making a delicious _o. _"I am…no, _we _are most grateful."

Hachi bowed…then ran away, as fast as his long legs would carry him.

"Oh, aren't they adorable at that age?" Ino said, innocently.

Naruto glowered in mock-anger at her. "You nearly gave the poor boy a heart attack!"

"Are we getting jealous, now?"

Naruto pecked lightly on her lips. "Of course I am. I absolutely couldn't live without you."

Ino blushed. "Well, the feeling is mutual." she pressed herself closer to him, against his body, eagerly awaiting a return to their previous--

"Ah-Ah-Ah!" He murmured quietly. "the meeting, remember?"

She frowned. "Oh yes. _That._"

Naruto pressed his lips against her hair. "Just wait a bit, Ino. I have the feeling that this will all be over soon."

Little did he know how very right he was.


	5. Fevered Illusions

-1  
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Everything about their employer's cabin seemed to _stick. _Had he been elsewhere, it would have seemed like just another, ordinary room. Yet his personality, and his appearance, in conjunction with the rusty, badly-lit place, gave the impression of a damp, smelly cave.

Ino shuddered, unconsciously. She hoped, against all hope, that this man did not have a romantic interest. She could only pity the woman who might find herself chained to this man, sunken into his clinging tendrils of fat.

"You called us sir?" she asked.

"Yes…" he muttered. "Please, wait for a moment. With whirring fingers, that belied their pudginess, he flipped several coins, each of them gold, into seven separate piles. Ino couldn't differentiate between the seven, but she supposed that, like all of the insanely wealthy men in the world, he was entitled to his own small eccentricities. So long as, of course, said eccentricities did not include fantasizing about her on lonely nights. "Ah…there. I do love ordered, neat piles. See, they make wonderful patterns."

Naruto nodded solemnly. "I agree sir. Now, why have we been summoned?"

"The island is in sight. We shall be there soon."

Ino was perplexed. "This is known to us. Why feel the need to inform us of this?"

"I merely wish to remind you two of something." he said, quietly. "You two are Ninja. As your male colleague has already informed me, you are not known for your compassion. You are tools of your villages, rented out to those who can afford them, and for the moment, that person is me. Am I right so far?"

A strong hand gripped Ino's wrist, as she prepared a retort. Naruto, looking at her from the bare corner of his eyes, gave an imperceptible shake of his head. "Ah…Yes sir." she said.

"Therefore, you two will obey my _every_ command, on that island, am I clear? Should anyone approach us, with malign intent, and I mean _anyone_, you will dispatch them immediately, and without hesitation."

"with all due respect sir, I; like to know _what _exactly you expect us to be fighting."

Their employer grimaced. A single coin whirled dexterously through his fingers. "The outlaws…have been known to use children. Easier to brainwash, and quicker to kill, should the need arise. I need your express guarantee, that in the even of such a thing, you two will be willing to…dispatch them."

Ino gasped with outrage. "Y-You pig! How dare you?! You never informed us of any of this in our mission parameters, and therefore, we are under no obligation to kill children in your name. Should you---"

"The cargo will be protected." said Naruto solemnly.

Ino whirled around, shocked. "Naruto, how can you possibly justify-"

"The cargo will be protected." he repeated. "Against any threat. However, the _manner _in which we dispose of said threats, are completely of our choosing. Should we find that a child is attacking us, he shall be _incapacitated, _of course, but whether or not he is actually _killed, _is a different matter entirely."

The gold coin, that had made such a lazy, easy way through their employer's fingers, snapped. Under the intense, enraged pressure that was being exerted upon it, it could do naught but splinter. "I hired you, to--"

"You hired us on a routine cargo protection mission. Assassinations will cost you more. Besides, we do not kill innocents, in any event." Naruto's eyes flashed red, for a bare moment. "Particularly innocents who may testify against you in a court of law."

Their employer gave an ugly frown. "Then what good are you? I hired you for the express purpose of protecting me from government reprisal."

"Bribe them." said Ino. "after this cargo is unloaded, bribe them. As a man of wealth, you must surely know," she winked, impishly, "that money buys everything, right?"

The two of them left, ascending for the upper deck, where they could get a better view of the island, despite the impending darkness of night. Behind them, in the dank cracks of this office, their employer sat, not frowning, or muttering…

He was smiling.

Unbeknownst to Naruto and Ino, things were going _exactly _as planned.

But for whom?

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They reached the island in the dead of night. With catlike grace, Naruto leapt lightly to shore, catching Ino as she soared in behind him.

"I'm quite capable of catching myself you know," she chided him.

"I know that," he said. "But I bet you like this way better."

She dug her face into his chest. "Well yes."

"There you go, then."

The hiss of ropes slipped from above. Sets of levers and pulleys were swiftly lowered, and workmen shuttled themselves down the outstretched lines, stacking box after box of munitions upon the sandy shore.

Ino found herself a comfortable perch, and settled down, to watch. Naruto selected a close patch of grass, neatly covering her blind spot. Natural combat instincts popped up when you least expected them to.

"Dull work, this." she said, casually.

"Not for long." Naruto said ominously. "With the way things have been going, there's going to be an attack for sure."

"Not to worry. If there is, I'm sure we'll see it coming from a mile off." Ino said confidently.

Naruto opened his mouth, as if to say something.

Then he disappeared. The whole island disappeared. Without warning, Ino was suddenly swept into a frigid nothingness, a void.

"What in the world--?" She spun. Nothing. Shadow coated her vision like an envelope of suffocating blackness. She could barely see her own hands, much less try to find a way out.

Calming herself, she closed her eyes, and listened for the location of her attacker.

There. To the left. A hint of movement. With practiced ease, she flung a kunai at the offending area…

Then gasped.

Her father staggered out of the darkness, clutching his side. Her bloody kunai lay at his feet.

"Father?" she whispered, terrified. "Daddy?"

"_Why did you kill us, Ino?" he asked. "Why did you kill us?"_

"I--I didn't kill you! We had no idea--the civil war broke out so suddenly--"

"_You didn't save us Ino." Said her mother, solemnly, walking up behind her. "You left us to die."_

"No!" she screamed, clutching her head. "No I didn't!"

"_If it had been me." said Sakura, coldly, from the edges of the inscrutable shadows, "I would have saved them, Ino."_

"They were bleeding from a dozen wounds---there was no way--"

"_I would have saved them. You're only second-best, after all." Sakura chuckled coldly. "An utter failure. Useless as a ninja, useless as a daughter, useless as a medic…and useless as a lover."_

Ino wept silently, wracked with terrible heaving sobs.

"_You only pretended to love me, Ino." Said Choji, bleeding from a hole in his chest. "You just needed someone to lean on. But where were you when I needed to lean on someone? Where were you, when I had nowhere else to turn? When I had a gun pointed at my own heart? You weren't there. Ino."_

"Nnngh…" Ino groaned, biting her tongue in desperation.

"_I never loved you", said Shikamaru smugly. "I just needed a fuck-buddy, and you were the closest woman within my sight. I used you, Ino. I used you, until someone better came along. Temari, remember her? Oh, she's prettier, and kinder, and much, much better in bed. What are you, in comparison? Nothing, that's what you are."_

And on it went. Character after character, some living, some dead, all expressing their utter contempt for her. Legions of souls, years of suppressed guilt, all of it pierced Ino like a spear to the heart.

And just when she thought it couldn't get any worse---

Naruto.

"_Ino…" he said, contemptuously. "You're nothing but a---"_

"_KAI!!"_ Cried a voice, through the darkness.

Like a ray of light, Naruto--the real Naruto--strode into her nightmare. With every step he took, the shadows fell, and moonlight took their place. The beach returned, as the darkness died. The docked ship, the bright moon, all of the island reformed, as the world returned once more, to being orderly and lawful.

Ino broke into tears.

Later, she would think back on the moment, and wonder whether his arms had fallen around her, or whether she had fallen into them.

"Shhh…" Naruto said, as he held her. "Shhh…it's fine now. It wasn't real."

"My parents---Choji--"

"They're resting in peace, Ino. They're in another place, far from here. Anything else is just an illusion. A genjutsu."

Ino nodded numbly. "Who--" she cleared her throat, and wiped her eyes, angrily. "Which bastard dared to hit us from behind?"

"A very talented genjutsu user." Naruto said. "I've experienced that particular one, before--it's designed to induce as much fear and guilt into a target as possible, and eventually cause them to asphyxiate, choking on their own bile. Very high level, very powerful. We're dealing with a master."

"I'll--I'll rip his heart from his--"

Naruto held her tighter. "No, Ino. Don't rush into this. It took me every ounce of effort I had to shake that illusion. Do you understand? Me. Whoever he or she is, our attacker can fight on par with a Jin--" He shook his head. "With an elite ninja."

Ino cocked her head. Naruto seemed off-kilter. His eyes bore a haunted, darkened look.

"What did you see?" she asked.

"I'll tell you later" he said, distractedly.

"Tell me _now." _

He tried to turn away, but she held his eyes, affixing him with a steely glare. "What did you see?"

"T-the…villagers. Of the…city. After the civil war. Yes. Their uh…corpses. Animate, and terrifying."

Ino had never heard Naruto stutter before, not once. She was fairly sure that she was being lied to, and yet…something in Naruto's eyes seemed like it would be better not to ask. _Never _to ask.

"I'll ask you later" she said, finally.

"That would be the intelligent decision, yes. For now, let's rejoin these workmen, and our emp…" he trailed off. The sudden realization came to the both of them, that the workmen were nowhere to be seen. The crates of munitions, the gunpowder, everything was gone.

"Clever little prick, this man." Ino muttered.

"My sentiments exactly." said Naruto. "Excluding the man part, of course. Our mystery attacker could just as easily be a woman."

"No. It's a man for sure."

"What makes you say that?"

Ino set her mouth in a hard line. "Only a man could be so thoroughly irritating." 

"I imagine then, that he is very much like me."

Ino lifted her nose. "No. You're much worse. Now, let's find our employer, quickly, and beat the living hell out of who-ever is holding him hostage. "

"Sounds like a plan." said Naruto.

As the darted into the forest, Ino stopped, for a bare moment. "Oh…about back there…"

Naruto raised an eyebrow.

"Thanks."

"None needed."

And what astounded her, was that he really meant it. Goodness only knew, the world of women needed more men like him.

But, of course…she would never admit it.


	6. Laughter In the Midst of Darkness

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Abandoned.

That was the only word for it. The entirety of Geju island was empty. There were villages, and isolated small towns, mere hours away from each other, given their close proximity, but no one in them.

A day, it had been, traversing back road after back road, searching house after house. They found absolutely nothing. The explosive note they had attached to the _Hohno_'s anchor, had yet to detonate. No one was on the island, hence, no one wanted to leave. So far, that was. The last city, the unofficial capital of Geju, lay ahead. In reality, it was little more than a collection of farms and mud huts, sheltering some two-to-three-thousand people.

Provided, of course, that they were still living.

"I hate this." Naruto muttered, as they walked along a duty road, in the long hours before dusk. "In the movies, the cities are always deserted…in the day. But at night…"

"Don't even joke." Ino pleaded. "I hate horror movies."

"Don't worry Ino. The directors of this particular film would never kill off the attractive leading lady, and her equally attractive male love-interest."

"Well, myself, I could see, Naruto, but I have to say, I don't think they'd find anything remotely worthy about you. "

"With a face like this?" he asked, prettily. "You're just jealous, because you know that I could have become a model."

The more Ino thought about it, the more true it seemed. Naruto would fit right into the world of fashion. She imagined him in tight leather pants, and a loose leather duster, and came away with a surprisingly arousing mental image. Yes…she would be in the photo as well, in even _tighter_ leather accouterments, and perhaps, she could have them shoot it so that she was lying right over his…

"What are you thinking about?" Naruto asked.

"What?" she asked, startled.

"I don't know. You just stared at me, than all of a sudden, this dreamy little smile swept across your face." he touched his nose to hers. "Really, you ought to at least wait until our mission is over."

Ino blushed. "I wasn't--"

Naruto gave her a knowing glance.

She sighed. "Oh fine, I was. But I was also thinking about how I would make a better model by far."

"I agree. I for one think you would look a_dorable _in a kitty suit."

"And you would look fantastic in a…" Ino thought for a moment. "Actually, you'd look terrible in a kitty suit."

"Think leopard-spotted leotards. Gold face paint, fake claws…I think I could pull it off. I'm always eager to portray a young stud, of any species."

Ino burst out laughing, momentarily lifting the thick silence that hung around them. "You are full of yourself."

"I can't get enough of me. And, admit it love, neither can you."

"Well I wonder…a body can only take so much, you know. Although…just so you know, we'll need to stay on this island at least a night. We owe our employer that much."

"And of course, we ought to do so in one of the villages, since they're more fit for habitation."

"Right, and should we stay in a village, there are bound to be houses--"

"And beds…"

"And things to do in beds." Ino shook her head in wonder. "We seem to have reached the same conclusion."

"Yes, an interesting development. We should have mind-blowing sex more often." Naruto said slyly, grinning all the wider as Ino's face flushed a comely pink. "Better yet, we should start, and never stop."

Ino nibbled her lip. "Well, with your trademark stamina, maybe. But as for me…well…I've never had a…"

"Bedmate?"

"…Bedmate, quite as talented as you. You're quite the master with those fingers of yours. I'm afraid I won't be able to last very long at all."

"We'll have to test that." He murmured softly, his lips caressing her ears, even as he spoke. "I can promise, that while it lasts, you'll never want it to end."

Ino hated what he did to her rational thought processes. And she loved it, at the same time.

She shuddered, as his mouth lightly skimmed the nape of her neck.

Her mind emptied, leaving only one, urgent, constantly repeating prayer;

_Please find a house, find a house, find a house, find a house…_

However, it was a testament to god's sense of humor, (or perhaps her potent lack of one), that they found a corpse instead.


	7. Corrupt Unity

-1_Gosh, I haven't commented in a while, have I? Alright, here goes;_

_My story, as you may have noticed, has taken a somewhat darker turn. Though many of you may not like me for this, I find that true romance, cannot be found without loss, without conflict. _

_Love, is pain. Far from being lollipops and licorice, love can sometimes take a couple, to the darkest, most terrifying periods of their lives. But you see, the miracle of it, is that because they love each other, they **survive. **_

_Here's to Naruto, and to Ino. Surviving._

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

Their employer had not been a thin man. Not even an averagely built one. As Naruto found him, dangling grotesquely in the breeze, as he hung from his neck, off the side of a tree, the rope that held him had already begun to fray. When they reached the body, it snapped altogether, letting the sepulchral…thing, fall to the ground with a wet thump. He had obviously soiled himself upon his death.

"Oh well, now we're in for it." Said Ino. "Our payment--whoosh! Just like that. Kudos to you, Mr. invisible assassin. You've just outsmarted two jounin-level ninja of the Konoha ANBU corps. "

"He's toying with us." Growled Naruto. "Earlier, in that genjutsu, he had us at his mercy, but we managed to escape alive. He took our employer, in the ensuing chaos, and now, here he is, or his body is, anyways, to point us in the right direction. It wouldn't surprise me if he was here, right now, watching us, just to see what we do next."

Another snap sounded, and another thud. The body of a workman tumbled from a nearby tree, just as dead as his employer. The trees around them were filled with bodies, hanging just out of sight.

"Well, let's not give him the last laugh." Ino said grimly. "We'll pile up these bodies and burn them. Then we'll leave."

"Just like that?"

"Just like that."

"Tsunade, of course won't be happy."

Ino gave a thin smile. "She's rarely happy these days." With a mischievous twinkle in her eye, she said, "Perhaps she's angry at me for having gotten to you first."

"Well she'll have to deal with it. I'm taken. Tell her so yourself."

"Why don't _you_?"

"Well, I'm terrified of course. I sometimes think that you're the only person in Konoha who can stand up to her."

"It's because we're so much alike."

"Hm." Naruto nodded sagely, then flashed the fingers of his right hand. Several doppelgangers appeared instantly. "I'll take care of the bodies, then. Oi! You lot! Start a perimeter search, pile the bodies in the center. Burn them when you're done." He waved to several more of himself, and beckoned. "And you two--search the trees. Bring back as much firewood as you can, but if at all possible, try and find signs of whoever did this." He leaned back, and knuckled his temples.

"Tired?" Ino asked.

"A bit." he said. "But there's still much to be done. One of my clones just dispersed--he's found some tracks. I'll go check it out."

"I'm coming with you."

"Don't be daft. you're staying right here."

"I'm a jounin, same rank as you."

"I'm an ANBU."

"So am I!"

"Yes, but I outrank you. You're my subordinate."

"So?"

"_So, _I _command_ you to stay put."

"And I," she stated defiantly, "Will be damned if I let a man tell me what to do."

"It might be dangerous--"

"All the more reason the bring me. I'm cleared for all levels of combat." Softly, she murmured into his ear, "And I don't want to be alone out here."

Naruto softened. "Fine. Come along then." he smoothed out her bangs, and let his hand rest at her shoulder. "Just remember--don't let your guard down.

She scoffed. "Around you? Never."

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The trail was very fresh. Someone, (or, as Ino was becoming more convinced, _Something.) _had been near, only hours ago.

Ino could feel his presence as they followed his trail---the footprints and tracks left by a crafty opponent, a devious master of the tricks of the ninja trade. He _knew _that they were following. He knew, and yet…did nothing. The reason was obvious.

They were walking right into a trap.

Ino, however, was supremely unconcerned. To her experience, the best way to disarm a trap, was by facing it head-on. She was, after all, the most feared female ninja in the ANBU corps, aside from Tsunade the Earth-Shaker, and her apprentice, Sakura, the Raging Fiend, as they were called, out of earshot. What they called _her, _out of earshot, was a complete mystery to her, though she was relatively sure there was a 'terrible' in there somewhere. Nonetheless, in combat, she was virtually unsurpassed.

And she had Naruto with her. That made her, if possible, even _more _ invincible than she had previously thought herself to be. She could do anything, she felt, when he was by her, stroking her, or merely holding her in his arms.

Their path diverged into a smaller backwoods route. As they advanced into the small forest, along a path lined with confining brambles and thorns, both ninja made sure their weapons were well within reach.

"A mile ahead, would you say?" she asked lightly, pulling out a few shuriken, to be used on demand.

"I would have to give it one and a half. Maybe two."

"What kind of trap do you think he's laid out for us?"

"He's a genjutsu user. He has to hit us with his chakra, be it through his eyes, palms, through the air, whatever. As long as we keep a pretty wide dispersal area, his techniques shouldn't be able to make it through."

"but…" Ino's mind flooded with nightmarish images, of her parents' bodies, of Choji, of all those doomed ninja whom she had failed to save. "But what if they do? Make it through, I mean."

Naruto hugged her tightly. "Then I'll come and rescue you."

"My hero. But watch yourself Naruto. It might be you who needs saving."

"If so, I'll forget any and all emasculation I feel at being saved by a woman, and replace it with overwhelming gratitude at still being alive."

"You'd better."

"Reject my patriarchal tendencies, or save you from any danger?"

"Both."

"But they're conflicting interests!"

"Do both anyways. I like being contrary."

"Women." he huffed.

"What about them?"

"Stubborn, contrary, completely inscrutable--"

"Watch it, mister." Ino said, eyes narrowing. Luckily for Naruto, he was not yet finished.

"But, at the same time, so irresistible, so graceful, so filled with life, and joy, and laughter, and beauty, that you love them, no matter how they act." Naruto laughed. "If there is a god, she's a funny old bird, that's for sure."

"She?"

Naruto smiled knowingly. "Think about it, Ino. If god were a man, the entire universe would have gone to hell in a hand-basket by now."

"True" she said, pertly. "very true."

As they worked their way deeper into the forest, their banter thinned. Both of them could feel it. They were being _watched. _Eyes seemed to follow them, from the trees, from the canopy---it was suffocating. Both of them had their weapons drawn now, carefully noting the other's position. Naruto in particular radiated his own special brand of peculiar red chakra, spilling it on the ground, scattering to the air, and wreaking general havoc with the local plant life, which shriveled in his wake. Ino, being much less wasteful, kept her chakra dispersion at a neat, fixed centimeter around her person.

"Don't make eye contact." said Naruto, softly.

"what?"

"I just---I have a hunch. When he shows himself, don't make eye contact."

"How do you know he's an eye-oriented fighter?"

"His style reminds me of S…of someone I knew. I just think it would be best. If he pops up, focus _past _him."

Ino frowned. "I don't get what---"

Naruto saw it before she did. A blur of movement, _in plain sight._

That, of course, was the giveaway. Ninja were assassins. Using their surroundings, and their clever repertoires of tricks, they could kill just about anyone, and leave not a soul to tell the tale. Their entire purpose in life, was to pass through it _unseen._

So, it was safe to assume, that whoever appeared before them now, was only letting himself be seen because he _wanted to_ be seen.

"Eyes down!" yelled Naruto.

But of course, it was too late. Two great, red eyes, like twin moons, encompassed their entire field of vision. Their bodies froze, immobilized, as both ninja were sent to a mental prison, tortured by endless nightmares of shame, and guilt.

Two kunai found their places within their unmoving chests, spewing blood.

The conflict took the whole of three seconds, executed with brutal simplicity, and without mercy. Death is no more than that. A spot of planning, a second of brutality, and suddenly, a living, breathing body becomes a corpse.

"So simple." Said the assassin. "Such fools, those two. If this is really all that Konoha can muster, why, I could invade the place on my own!" He wiped his knives carefully, and set them meticulously within a weapons pouch at his side. "Now let's see…should I bury them? Or burn them perhaps? Maybe I'll have a bit of fun with the woman before I dispose of her body."

"Tsk!" said a voice above him. "Even dead, Ino would still be leagues above your level. Not to mention…" Naruto vaulted down from the treetops, chakra swirling madly in a single outstretched palm. "She's mine." The orb of compressed chakra met human flesh, and bone, with spectacularly gruesome results. "So back off!"

The ridiculously positioned bodies on the ground, vanished into white vapor.

"Possessive possessive!" Said Ino. "I'm _yours, _am I? What do you take me for, a piece of luggage with breasts?"

"Like, but with more acerbity." he glanced down at his handiwork. "Ug."

"Ug indeed. Despicable as he was, there was no need to assault him with the chakra-equivalent of a loaded magnum."

"I got a little carried away." said Naruto. "couldn't help it. The man got on my bad side."

Ino glanced downwards at their prey. His face was an unrecognizable mass of ravaged, spiraled flesh. "Yes, I can see that. He _almost _managed to get on _my _bad side."

"Oh? What would you have done to him?"

"Well, you'll find out some day, I'm sure."

The assassin puckered his suppurating lips. "Yhouou. Yhou _whoore."_

Ino frowned. "Never mind. You'll find out now."

Her fingers, with speed granted by outrage, and indignation, made several complex and confusing signs.

"What are you doing?" asked Naruto casually.

"Raping his mind." Ino said, in tones harder than granite. "New trick I've been working on. I've been _dying _to try it out. It pulls information straight from their minds. Painfully. I've heard from those I've used it on, that it's like having your entire brain set on fire."

Naruto grimaced. "Remind me never to upset you. Ever."

Ino smiled. "You never know." Weaving her index and middle finger together, she projected a spike of chakra that extended, like a knife, for a good four inches. Without hesitation, she took it, and _jammed _it into the assassin's eye.

He screamed, unintelligibly, spewing nonsense words left and right. His eyes rolled back into his head, and blood dripped from his nostrils. When Ino finally pulled out the spike of chakra, it pulsed an unhealthy mauve, instead of the bright blue of normal chakra. She brought it to her own face, and thrust the spike into her temple. She did not move. Not a muscle.

"Funny." She said. "Wow, that's just---well!"

"What's wrong?"

"His head is screwy--on levels that I can't even imagine. He's got loads of little mental blocks in his head, I guess to cultivate his talent for illusions. You need to be half-mad to practice true genjutsu, or so I've heard. I've never actually examined one before, so I could never tell if it was true."

"Any recognizable words? Phrases maybe?"

"…Yes…uh…Tenshi Falls. A location, I think. Ring a bell?"

"Can't say that it does…" Naruto jerked back, his eyes suddenly wide. "Ho--ogh! What in god's name?!"

"Problems?" Ino said tightly.

"You have no idea. You know back in the clearing? The bodies of our employer and all of his men? They just disappeared. Into clouds of little pink lollipops. My clones were wiped out and dispersed before they could blink." He groaned. "Having sixty of the little buggers all die at once was like being hammered in the head."

"Lollipops?" asked Ino incredulously. "But that's impossible! That would either mean that somewhere along the way we were put into a genjutsu…"

"…Or we never left it." finished Naruto. "This entire job was a setup."

"Took you long enough." Groaned the beaten, battered pulp at their feet. "Call yourselves S-Rank? I wouldn't even rate you a D."

The limp corpse whipped up and about in less than a second, spinning his knife-laden arms with deadly efficacy. Naruto and Ino landed backwards in a heap.

"I had a splendid monologue planned for you two, something about world domination, and the greater good, but I have to say, seeing you two lovebirds has me sick to my stomach. You'll forgive me if I kill you now."

"Who…are you?" Naruto wheezed.

The assassin leaned his ruined face in towards Naruto's. He stank of blood-iron, and rotting flesh. "Oh how quickly we forget." The scarring reversed itself, the gaping wound was reknit, in the surreal, almost psychotic manner of illusions. In the center of it all, remained those two red, glaring eyes, with pupils darker than the devil's own coal-black heart. "Please tell me you remember now."

"It can't be…" Ino whispered.

"Can, and _is, _my delectable little jezebel." He spread his arms. "You never did have the guts to face your fears."

Were they caught in a genjutsu? Were they being deceived by the sun? Any of these explanations would have been infinitely preferable, to the stark, cold truth the faced them, in the middle of that chilly forest.

With brooding eye, and darkened countenance, they stood face to face, with none other than the (formerly) deceased avenger of Uchiha himself.

They stood face to face with Sasuke!

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Aaaaaaand stop it there! Hah, I think I'll just leave you with that cliffhanger, my dears.

Fear not! the darkness is nearly done!

And by the way. I need more flames. Not enough people have been criticizing me, and its driving me mad. I'm the kind of person who needs peers to degrade his ego, before it gets too big for him to fit inside his own swelled head. Just eh...give a reason. Doesn't even have to be a coherent one, though of course, blaming Martians, and Man-eating monkeys, is of course, a bit over the top.


	8. Exposition of Madness

_Well, cliffhanger's over, time to read! I don't write a lot of cliffhangers, so I had a lot of fun with this one._

_Oh, and I realize that having the main antagonist as Sasuke, is a little bit cliché. In fact, its been overused, pretty much all over. But, things are not quite as they seem. For you see, though the Sasuke they see is real enough, he's supposed to be…_

_Well, I'll leave it to you to discover. Eat up! Reading is Knowledge, Knowledge is Power, Power is Money, and Money means Food!_

…_Sorry about that. I'm feeling a bit mad. Best state of mind for writing, don't you know. :P_

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The penultimate "bad boy", a character who simultaneously terrified Ino, and drew her in with his malign magnetism. During her academy days, she had obsessed over him--the tall, dark, and handsome heartthrob, as had almost every other girls her age at the time.

Then, of course, he had defected, disappeared, and run off on some grand crusade to avenge the death of his clan. In the passing, he had killed many, recruited thousands---and gone insane. Although it wasn't quite public knowledge, the general consensus among the ANBU Ninja squads, was that he had probably been responsible for the Konoha civil war, pulling strings from the shadows, inciting ROOT, and the more mainstream ANBU loyalists, into bloody, limitless combat.

His death--or rather, his presumed death--had been shrouded in the highest-class secrecy. All anyone knew, was that at the climax of the vast war between countries, and infighting between warring factions, Naruto had been sent by Tsunade, to meet with her opposing leader--Sasuke.

Two had gone to Tenshi Falls, the designated meeting point for their talk. One had returned. Though Naruto gave no sign of it, for years afterwards he tended to steer clear of conversations involving the _S_-word. His name--his very existence, had been filed away to the very back of their minds, until they were forced, now, to remember.

Remember? How could they forget?

The nightmare of Konoha had returned.

"You're dead." Said Naruto, flatly. "I killed you. I made _sure _of it."

"Well, I suppose you would know all about what is and isn't dead." replied Sasuke. "What's your body count now? Let's see, We have Kazuku, Deidara, Itachi, Kabuto, Zabuza…well, the list goes on an on. Quite the bloody history. I'm surprised _she,"_ at this point, he jerked his head in the general direction of Ino, "Hasn't run for the hills. But of course, Ino always did like the bad boys." He laughed, a screeching, nails-on-a-chalkboard affair, that only served to set them both on edge. "I just realized! She couldn't have me, so she went for you. You couldn't have Sakura, so you went for her! Its like…second-best for second-best. Hah! Yes, exactly like."

Ino's blood ran cold. Was it true? On some level, was she only with Naruto, as a substitute for Sasuke? Furthermore…why did _he _love her? Simply because he knew he would never have his way with Sakura? He had _said…_but who trusts what _men _say? For all she knew, he could be lying to her, deceiving her at every turn. She turned, to scrutinize Naruto.

Who laughed.

"Of all the situations that I imagined us reuniting in, Sasuke, not once did I think we would land on some godforsaken island, discussing relationship advice. I can see though, that you're obviously in need of it, so I'll enlighten you." He spread his hands lightly. "A woman isn't just a plaything to throw back and forth. You don't go around giving them labels like "first best", and 'second". Women are, each one a treasure." he grabbed Ino, confidently, gracefully, and held her against his chest. "And I've found mine. A sunbeam, Sasuke, to light my filthy, blood-encrusted soul."

"She's just as bloodstained as you are, you fool. Just as guilty, just as _filthy!"_ Sasuke drew a hidden blade. Naruto attempted to block it, but Sasuke merely increased the pressure of his genjutsu, freezing him, as he was stabbed, over and over again. Sasuke, of course, missed all of his vital organs, preferring to let him _bleed _to death. That was how he killed his victims…his _prey_.

Naruto bent down on his knees, over the sword that was now impaled through his left shoulder. Weakly, he stood, and gave Sasuke a sardonic grin.

Sasuke drew back, momentarily.

Naruto chuckled. "You're confused aren't you? Wondering, how I can stand, how I can bear all the pain you're sending me? That's because, you pitiful man, you've never experienced what I'm experiencing now. Never felt what I'm feeling. It's like flying, Sasuke, like the magic, in all those picture books you read as a child. Love, is my sky, my friend, and I'm soaring in it…with _her_._"_

"How very romantic of you. You've been in the forest too long, old friend, you're beginning to smell like _sap."_

"Whereas you've gone power-mad. How are you better-off?"

Sasuke's eyes flamed red. "I'm still alive! That's how I'm better-off. And you two--soon you'll be dead. Just corpses, rotting in the ground, just like I had to rot, back in Tenshi falls. You remember, right Naruto? You blew out my insides, and let me swim with the fishes. You didn't even _try _to find my corpse!" He spat. "Not that I mind, really. Its thanks to that, that I was able to come _back." _

"You…were brought back?" Ino asked.

"Oh yes, I most certainly was. Orochimaru's old techniques, used by a wonderful mistress, far more talented than _he _ever was. She let me live again, and in return, I am ever in her service."

"But you were dead." Ino insisted, "and you came back. That means that others might do the same thing, right?"

"Oh…" Sasuke leered. "_Oh…_Dreaming about mommy and daddy, are we, likkle Ino-kinns? The likkle baby girlie wants to bwing back her dead parents. Hah! Never, you sanctimonious little bitch. Oh, yes, my mistress certainly _could _bring back your parents, but she never will. She hates you , you see. She hates you almost as much as she hates Naruto."

"Hates me? Why does she hate me?" Naruto asked incredulously. "I never make women hate me."

"She hates you for _killing me!" _Sasuke screamed.

In that lone instant, while his guard was let down, a shuriken flickered, and cut deeply into his throat.

Silence reigned. Sasuke looked down at the shuriken, and then looked up at the hand that had thrown it. With carefully exaggerated movements, he _plucked _out the offending throwing star, and tossed it to the ground. On his body, not a scar was seen.

"If you think you can kill me, you're mistaken." he sneered. "Because, see, I'm not even here! What you're seeing now, is simply part of my illusion. The real me--pshaw, you couldn't see me, even if I painted myself orange, and screamed at the top of my lungs." He tapped his temple. "Illusions, you nitwits. You see exactly what I want you to see. Like this, for example." He slid up to Naruto, and said, with clear tone, and painstaking enunciation, "You are standing, in the middle of Konoha. In front of you is Ino, loving, and caring, and kind, as you so sweetly put it. Now, next to her, is me. And I am _killing her. Over and Over again." _

In front of Naruto's eyes, he could see it happening. Ino, wan and pale with fright, dying countless times at Sasuke's blade. Her beautiful blonde hair lay askew, her bright eyes went dark, and her heaving chest, slick with blood, would slowly wind down to oblivion. Tens of times. Thousands of times. Naruto girt himself against it, and closed his eyes, calming himself. It had to be clean. He had to cleanly break off every watt of chakra in his body, if he were to stand a chance of escaping.

Meanwhile, Ino was engaged in a deadly game of cat and mouse. Sasuke was taunting her, tossing random kunai at Naruto's frozen form, while she could do nothing but watch, petrified by his paralyzing genjutsu. First, his chest, then his abdomen, then his arms, and legs. And all the while, Ino was helpless. It _infuriated _her, filled her with helpless, bleak rage.

"Naruto." she said, softly, "I don't know if you can hear me. I really hope you can. Listen; All my life, I've been abandoned. My first teacher, was killed when I was only fourteen. My first lover used me, then left me. My parents forsook me by dying, and my second lover---he killed himse---" she gasped. "If you leave me too, Naruto, I'll never forgive you for it. _never. _So please…_please…"_

Deep in his mind, Naruto could feel it. Resonances clicked, chakra bands dissipated. Everything was in place.

"_Please…"_

Al he had to do, was pull himself together, and---

"_Wake up!"_

His eyes shot open, and he leapt to his feet, pulling kunai out of himself, as easily as day.

"Out already?" Sasuke jeered. "Well, looks like your bitch is really useful for something after all!"

"Of course!" Naruto yelled, in a booming, bombastic retort. "She's my universe! And I'll show you just what exactly I mean by that!" he shot out, grabbed Ino, fiercely by the waist, and kissed her, letting his chakra flow wildly into her like an unleashed storm. Even in a life-and death situation, she could feel butterflies in her stomach. From every inch of her--every pore, Naruto's fierce, wild chakra, and his fierce, wild love, entered, and expanded within her. He nuzzled Ino's ear…and whispered into it, urgently. "_Now, Ino, now!"_

Like a bomb, she focused her new windfall, and aimed it outwards, to do what all good bombs are supposed to do.

Her chakra--mixed, of course, with his---went _boom._

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_Fear not, faithful readers, all will be revealed in time! But be warned--the reasons for Sasuke's revival are not for the faint of heart! Continue to read, and see!_

_Oh god, too many exclamation points. I feel like a toothpaste advertiser. Bleagh. _

_Well, see you soon, ladies!_

…_Oh, and gentlemen, I suppose. _


	9. Light laughter pierces the darkest heart

First of all, an explanation for my tardiness

My computer was hit by a virus, of the fairly nasty variety. How, is...a bit embarrassing. Suffice it to say, that if those "get rich quick" spam-mails only work on idiots, then I am now one of their sordid number. I, personally, blame myself, for being stupid. 

My back-ups for this story were erased;I'd had a good four chapters planned in advance. Now, i'm trying to rewrite what i can remember, on my newly-souped up computer. So, please bear with me. If I caused you any trouble, please send me a scathing review, filled with your hatred.

And now; cliffhanger over, let the dramatics resume!

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Chakra was the primal force; a power that superseded all others. It could give life, and take it, elevating those who could use it into the realms of gods, and demons. Of course, this meant that those with higher chakra levels, would obviously be at a great advantage over those who did not.

The empathic Ninja of the Yamanaka clan, had long-ago decided not to involve themselves in the tug-of-war that traditional chakra warfare entailed. They went to another realm entirely; the astral plane, where minds and souls alike were laid bare, for anyone to see. Skilled practitioners _literally _held their enemies' minds in the palm of their hands, doing far more damage than any puny firestorm, or heavy punch.

But, inevitably, astral warfare had its caveats as well. The size, and effectiveness of an astral avatar, depended almost completely on chakra. Ino, though _skilled, _with the techniques of her clan, often found herself lacking the proper power required to sustain long battles.

Naruto solved that problem, in a flash of blue fire.

His arm, resting lightly on her shoulder, seemed to be funneling a hurricane, from which _power, _raw, and effuse, circulated with terrifying speed, and strength. Almost without thinking, she _leapt_out of her body, into the astral plane, carrying with her, enough chakra to level the entire forest in which they stood.

She_towered. _

Her astral form, corresponding directly to Naruto's chakra, was_gigantic. _It took all the willpower she had, simply to keep it from running loose, and destroying everything, cities, and mountains alike, in its fury.

Below her, chakra flowed like water; the patterns and rhythms of the earth, full of life, anf power. Speckling its crust, like a malignant tumor, was Sasuke, with his poisonous malice and spite. She flew towards him, forced open the entry to his mind, and dove in.

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It was dark. So dark.

Sasuke's head was a pit. Lifeless, and silent. His dreams were dreams of darkness, his thoughts were filled with death, and shadow-stuff. In any other situation, Ino might have been afraid.

But she wasn't. Not with Naruto's chakra blazing through her like a thousand bonfires. She feared no one now, nothing.

With a furious flare, she brought light. Shimmering gusts of blue fire, shattered the shadows, and brought luminescence to the dark place.

"Sasuke!" She cried, into the remaining shadows. "Show yourself."

_And the darkness answered. _

"Fool. You're here. _In my mind._ You can't tell me to do anything here."

A nightmarish creature flew at her, all jumbled limbs, and bleeding teeth. With an almost contemptuous flicker, Naruto's chakra, of its own accord, reared, and burnt it to ash.

She could _feel _his presence, warm, and reassuring, within the chakra he was feeding to her. The warmth of his chakra around her astral body was like a pair of lean, comforting arms, holding her.

"borrowed power." Sasuke spat, in the darkness. "Borrowed strength. Naruto the crutch, for Ino, the cripple."

Hatred, like a fist, hammered against Naruto's chakra shroud. Safe within, Ino came to a realization.

"Its not borrowed." She said. "Its given. Freely. Because we believe in each other. I can always lean on Naruto. But you…you don't have anyone…do you?"

"I don't need anyone!" Sasuke screeched. "No one!"

Ino grinned, suddenly. "And that's it. That's why you'll never beat me, never beat _us. _You Don't understand it. You can't! Love, like a windstorm. Love, sweeping everything else away, like so much dust."

"Shut up!" Sasuke shouted. "shut up, shut up, shut up!"

Another dream-beast fell from above, a caricature of Naruto, screaming, and reaching for her, with long, deadly claws---

Her shroud burnt it to ash.

"Come on." Ino murmured to the shroud. "Let's kick his ass, then go home. I'm tired of this."

The shroud bobbed in agreement.

In the darkness, there was a dark patch, spreading like blood. Sasuke's core. His heart. His All-Thing, his soul. It was a mess of dead flesh, and rotting bone.

"You should be dead." Ino said, wonderingly. "Really, you should. Your heart---its screaming. It wants to go home."

"GET OUT!"

Ino ignored Sasuke's scream. Focusing her chakra shroud into a single, deadly point, she pointed it, spear-like, towards the rotting construct.

"STOP! STOP! STOP!"

Fear flooded her, and anger, and rage; all Sasuke's emotions and thoughts, brandished against her, t block her advance. So much hate--too much--the chakra shroud began to buckle.

But the distance to the heart closed. First meters, then mere centimeters. All the while, Sasuke's sharp, cutting rage, struck her shroud with countless, damaging blows.

Not even a hairsbreadth away, she stopped, unable to move forward any more. A single step, was all it would take, yet with the pressure of the encroaching shadow, all about her, even a step was too much to bear.

And all of a sudden, even though she knew it to be impossible, Naruto was there. He was standing by her, with his hand clasped fast around hers. The last step seemed to happen on its own, a graceful leap, while surrounded by Naruto's warm chakra, and the scent of fading cinnamon.

The heart burst.

Sasuke screamed, but he was so far away, it seemed. His dark mind was cracking, opening way to a new kind of light. The world beyond was taking back a soul that should have died.

Ino left, with the ruin of his soul, shattering about her.

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The island was calm, and cool. A battle of epic proportions had been fought on its pristine grounds, yet the sky was still clear, the air still brisk. Birds chirped, cicadas buzzed, and the trees resumed their quiet rustling, uncaring, and unaware of any conflict.

Cradled in Naruto's arms, Ino came to.

"You're back." He said calmly. "For a moment, I thought I'd lost you."

"Yeah…" she murmured, equally calm.

The forest was silent for a few more moments, as they awkwardly contemplated the motionless trees.

"You're a hero now." Naruto finally said.

"What?"

"Ino, slayer of the Uchiha demon. You need a medal. Maybe even three."

Ino thought about this. "I do, don't I?"

"Uh-huh."

"I really do!"

"Yes!"

They looked at each other. They burst out laughing. In Ino's case, her chuckles were very close to being sobs.

"Its finally over," Naruto said, holding her close. "thirteen years, we've had this blood feud. And you ended it." He kissed her, softly. "I have even more to thank you for."

Ino felt, with growing horror, the stain of blood, against her.

"You're---"

"I'm fine." He assured her. "Just scratched, I swear."

She felt her blood-soaked shirt, and saw the sheer amount of Naruto's blood, staining the ground. "That's--that's over 2 liters. You're dying! We need to get help--an ambulance, a heli, anything!"

'Shh…" Naruto whispered. "The chakra flare, remember? Any chakra-sensing ninja for miles could sense it. The ANBU clean-up crews will be here soon. We'll be fine. Or you'll be, at any rate."

"And so will you." Ino said, vehemently. "_So will you. _Promise me that."

"No." Naruto said. "I don't make promises I'm not sure I can keep." He winced. "I'm funny that way."

"Naruto---"

But of course, he couldn't hear. He'd slipped out of consciousness.

Soon, the Konoha airborne rescue corps would come. Naruto was right, their chakra had been sensed, probably as far as Rain Country. Tsunade was quick to act, when she sensed trouble.

But would they come fast enough?

The trees rustled. The wind blew. To some, it might have been beautiful.

To Ino, it was nothing. The world swirled and swirled, and then it went black.


	10. The Trauma Ward of the Divine

-1

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"And unto the heavens they took him; the Seraphim, clothed in their white robes. They bore Naruto to heaven, with the flutter of wings, into warmth, and into light."

Naruto was in heaven. Well, an equivalent, anyway. It was warm, wasn't it? And soft. And bright.

Funny, though--had heaven always smelled like iodine?

No…not just iodine. Sterile smells, but also the barest whiff of…flowers.

_Oooh._An angel tittered. _He looks so…tasty. Look at those tight gauze bandages, all around his muscles,,,_

_Were those really necessary? _Another asked. _They look…uncomfortable. Hot, but uncomfortable._

_Bollocks. A little lack of blood circulation never hurt a body. Besides, I like the way it looks on him. So...sensuous.  
_

_He's mine, you know. Under other circumstances, I might be just a bit cross with you._

_Hush. He's waking._

Naruto opened one eye, then closed it, smiling happily.

A radiant figure. Two, actually, but one didn't matter. All that mattered was Ino, sitting by a dreary hospital bed, _his _dreary hospital bed, bleary eyed, tired, and worried.

And_beautiful._

"I knew it. Heaven. Hah. I can see an angel." He rolled his eyes to the ceiling. "Would this be the gates, then? Or perhaps the heavenly sanctum?"

"Oh shut up." Ino silenced him, with two soft, full lips. "You're lucky to be alive. Luckier still that your dry wit didn't dry up with the four liters of blood that you lost."

"Kisses from a heavenly being." he laughed. "mmm, with an equally celestial body. You can't fool me, angel." He kissed her back, inhaling the wildflower-fresh scent of her hair. "I'm in paradise. With my own seraph."

"_Seraphs."_Said a voice, irritated. "I want a kiss too. He looks rather good at it."

From somewhere behind Ino, another kunoichi.

"Tenten was flying the chopper. I managed to administer first aid on my own, after coming to, but if she hadn't shown up---"

"Ino was dying of exhaustion, and you were dying of blood-loss." Tenten muttered. "And now, I'm going to die of jealousy." She pursed her lips, and leaned in to Naruto's face. "Well? Your knight in shining armor awaits her reward."

"Neji would kill me." Naruto said, gently nudging her face away. "How did he put it? 'the ripe fruit of her delicious lips, is a bounty reserved for myself, and myself alone.'" when Tenten gave a quizzical snort, he added. "From the last party. In his defense, he was _very _drunk_."_

"Meh." Tenten shrugged. "Its been shaky, these days. The Hyuugas have tried to pawn him off on Hinata every chance they get. Something about keeping the bloodlines pure." She gagged. "more like fulfilling their own sick fantasies, if you ask me. He went off to the elder's branch, off in Wave Country, to try and get them to leave us the hell alone. Now _I'm_ all alone! Just me, my apartment, and my…" she ducked her head. "Possibly my large collection of sex toys. Possibly."

"Oh, those?" Ino perked. "Do you still have the sort of floppy one, with the twin prongs?"

"Oh_yes." _Tenten sighed. "That one's the best." She eyed Naruto, peripherally. "Hypothetically speaking."

"It's not that great." Naruto said, flatly. "For the first few hours, sure, but it gets old, real fast. I've used it."

The two stared at him, shocked.

"On other _women."_

"_Ah."_

"Please,_specify _next time." Ino flushed. "And…do men really do that…kind of thing?"

"Well, as I'm sure poor Tenten knows all too well," Naruto said, smiling wickedly, there are some womanly urges that can only be satisfied by a glass of gin, and a whole night, of tumultuous tumbling with the endless vibrator. I prefer hands myself, though." Idly, he flicked his fingers, in a vague, circular motion. "I'm good with them. Hmph, I never expected Tabbycat Tenten to have to resort to _sex toys._"

Tenten blushed hotly. "Only when Neji's gone. When he's home." She returned Naruto's wicked glare. "That's when things really heat up_."_

Ino was incredulous. "What could be better than a two-pronged vibrator?" Other than," she added "A certain someone I know…" she licked her lips. "We're going to talk about that later, love."

"I'm positively aquiver with excitement," Naruto replied, nuzzling her with his usual foxy grin.

"Neji's not a bad hand either." Tenten confided. "His knowledge of all the body's pressure points? Turns out it applies to erogenous zones too. I've had no end of…_fun, _with him."

Naruto winced.

"What's with that wince? It's not bad. I bet he enjoys himself too. I mean, probably. Men can't just fake it, can they?"

Naruto rolled his shoulder, like some jungle cat. Tenten halted mid sentence, as those taut muscles rippled sensuously underneath his broad shoulders. "Men don't fake orgasms. We _can't. _Then again, when pushed to their utter limits, desperate men can do just about anything. And you know Neji, such a frail boy. A hyuuga, through and through. Don't expect him to be able to endure any bedtime acrobatics."

Tenten's smile crumpled. "I've noticed that. He never wants to try anything new. So stiff, and rigid. Not" she said, giggling, "a bad thing, usually. But he keeps on refusing to do the really exciting stuff. Like, for example, when I want him to take me up my as---"

"Much,_much _more than we need to know." Ino cut in.

"Too much." Naruto agreed. "No wonder to poor man ran off to the Wave Branch. He'll need an entire week to catch his breath."

"As if you could do better." Tenten scoffed.

"I don't tire." Naruto said, without emotion.

"He doesn't tire." Ino laughed. "Ooh, he keeps going strong for…"

"Until_she _gets tired." Naruto said, condescendingly. "Since, you know, she's nowhere near as enduring as I am."

"Oh, I'll get you for that remark." Ino said, her eyes narrowing playfully. "After I'm through with you, you'll be in a full body cast for a week, if you don't die of strain, and exhaustion."

Tenten eyed them both fondly. "Well, I seem to have outstayed my welcome. You two lovebirds flutter about. I'll see how many hot men there are in the adjacent rooms. She caught their accusing stares. "What?" she asked, shrugging. "It can't hurt to _look." _

"Go then." Naruto shooed. Or attempted to. He found his torso slightly constricted, by a long loop of medical tape that stretched round and round his abdomen. "Gah! What?"

Giggling infectiously, Tenten skipped out the door, and slammed it behind her.

"Why the tape?" Naruto exclaimed.

"She--and I--thought you looked good in it."

"That's sexual harassment, you know. I should file a grievance."

"Oh please." Ino said, leaning into his face. "Being a little tied up wont kill you." With slow, menacing movements, she swept silkily over him. "Oh, and just a little bit drugged. Tenten fed you enough tranquilizer to knock out a grown horse. You metabolized it quickly, but I bet you're still a bit weak for active duty. Take pride in that. You're just as resilient as a mustang." She reached down his helpless body, and took hold of something that they both were intimately familiar with. "_MMmmm. _You're certainly hung like one."

"You can take my body." Naruto said, proudly, "but never my heart!" he winked broadly up at her. "You've had fantasies about this all week, haven't you?"

"How did you know?" she asked, perplexedly. Her fingers twitched. To her delight, despite being drugged, Naruto was still…_peppy. _Or a_part _of him was.

"I'm wounded." Naruto protested, as she began to writhe against him.

"No you're not." Ino said. "Tenten told me, after I woke up in the heli. Your wounds healed while you were asleep. You." she thrust herself fiercely against his body, and tore off his feeble hospital robes. "Are. Absolutely. Fine." Each word, another provocative thrust, another shred of clothing ripped away.

"Good to know." Naruto licked her lips. They felt warm, and strangely feathery, as his nimble tongue touched upon them.

Ino bit it gently, and met it with her own tongue, gasping as he started to suck gently on its tip. She wiggled madly down his body, shimmying, until she was positioned right above her delicious, irresistible target. Her legs, with little effort, managed to get her tightly-fitting jeans to slip off without incident. Her panties required even less work.

"Ready for this?" She asked sultrily. "I'm about to blow your mind."

"That's my line." He said, sucking lightly on the soft skin of her neck. It was going to leave a mark, later, but Ino liked that idea. Naruto, leaving a mark, irreversibly, on her skin. She nipped at his lips, because she _loved _the way they felt, and tasted, and smelled. Everything about him was arousing, even as he sat, bandaged up in a hospital bed, completely helpless.

Actually, she like him _better _that way.

"Taking lessons from Tenten?" He asked, quickly.

"lessons? I _taught _her everything she knows. Before I swore off all men, I was the sexiest little hellcat in town."

"We're two nymphomaniacs, it seems."

"Ha! You're a Satyriasist. It changes, for men."

"What do you say, then, Madamoiselle nymphette?" His lips reached just below her ear. "Want to mess up this tidy little room?"

"Do I _ever." _She smiled at the ceiling, and poised herself, eagerly, over his ready, waiting…

The door opened.

--------------------------------------------------------

And that's a rap! I'll keep on teasing these two until the world stops spinning!

For those of you who want hot, steamy sex, fear not! There will be more, to come. Seriously though, if that's all you want, there are porn sites for that. My personal goal in this story, is to create a certain sense; can you feel it? Naruto and Ino, are perfectly relaxed. They're having fun. They _know each other. _

Thoughts, emotions feelings, they're mutual. Their joy, is mutual. Mutual Bliss. (See, I _did _put the title in there.) They can feel each others pain and pleasure. It goes _so far _beyond simple erotic love. Its empathetic. Its spectacular. (I base this off of my own personal experience. Love is like a high, but a _really, really_good high. Like cannabis for the mind.)

That's the best kind of love.

Oh…and for those men who keep wondering about how to write a sex scene…well. Isn't it obvious? Women are everywhere. We men, love them, live by them and die by them. They are, literally, the reason for which we live. And of love, and matters of the heart, the fairer sex always knows best.

All you need to do is ask. And if they ask for…payment, that's fine too. ;)


	11. The other half

-1AH! I messed up.

This chapter is part of the previous one. I forgot to add it; there's some character depth that needs adding. Sorry!

Enjoy.

------------------------------------

Tsunade walked into the room. She blinked. She walked out of it.

The door shut, feebly.

Then it burst open again, just in time for Ino to whisk the covers over the both of them.

"What is going on here?!" She thundered. "From Tenten, I would expect this, but you? Naruto is definitely rubbing off on you."

"In more ways than one." Ino laughed.

Tsunade flushed. "Insubordination! I could have you fired--"

"All my fault, Tsunade." Naruto groaned.

"What?" She asked.

"The innocent Ms. Yamanaka was sitting there, innocent as a bird, when I hypnotized her with my stunningly powerful male magnetism. Under my perverse influence, she cannot be held accountable for anything she did, has done, or was about to do."

"Male magnetism." Tsunade said, twitching.

"It's all in the pheromones." Naruto smiled.

"Very well. Ino, please leave. Mr. Uzumaki and I have business to attend to."

Ino had been slipping on her bottoms as they spoke. "Sure thing, boss." She slipped through the door, blowing Naruto a sultry kiss as she turned away. He winked, and mimed catching it, then blowing back one of his own. She blushed--It hadn't been aimed at her face.

"Out." Tsunade ordered.

She left.

"So harsh." Naruto said, sadly. "Mercy can be a desirable trait. For all the effort you put into looking young, you still _act _every one of your sixty years."

The bed was pushed back a full three inches, as Tsunade grasped it with her enhanced, terrifying grip. "Don't, and I mean _don't._pull any of that flattery on me. I know all about your history of tomcatting, and I'm warning you, Ino won't be able to cope with it. Break it off, now, before I crush your tiny, chauvinist windpipe with my hands."

"I love her."

"Is that what you told her? I suppose so, that's exactly what you said to the others; all fifty of them."

"Sixty-five, actually. And no, I never did."

Tsunade gave a triumphant leer. "Hah! Wait---" she frowned. "What?"

"Why do you think they left me--all sixty-five of them? Each one told me the same thing. I never graduated beyond a 'fling' with them. They told me I was too impersonal, that I seemed like I was holding back, like I was waiting." He brought a bandaged arm up to cover his eyes. "women's intuition is an amazing talent. Of course, they were right."

"Why Ino?" Tsunade asked, suspiciously.

"Why not Ino?"

"That's no answer."

"I've wanted to be her lover. Ever since I was five." He laughed. "Ever since that first schoolboy crush. She…" He sighed. "Well, she probably doesn't remember. But she did something for me. Something that no one else would…could do. And over the years, everything I saw in her, loved in her, just grew."

"Grew how?" Tsunade snapped. "And if you say _anything _about her breasts, hips, or arse, I'll kill you."

"Pssh. Her _smile. _Being a fellow woman, you probably didn't notice it. Women all have different kinds. There's the "oh, I don't really find you funny, but I'll play along because I need male attention" smile, there's the "I'm trying to get you to sleep with me, so please smile too.", and who can forget the old; "I'm smiling in order to scare the living shit out of you, and by god, its working."" he laughed. "like you, for example.

Ino's is nothing like any of them. She has his smile,--this beautiful, heartstopping smile. The kind you measure in megawatts. And it says this; "I'm smiling, because I'm happy. Because you've made me happy. You're welcome to join in." That sums her up, character and all. She's happy when she wants to be. She doesn't give a_damn _what anyone else thinks, but if they want to be happy too, they're welcome. I love that. I love _her._"

Tsunade blinked. She started to smile, checked herself, then smiled anyway. "Since when are you so deep?"

"I've been this way for a while. But to continue--I was totally in love with her. And then she found Shikamaru, and I let her drift away. Because--as you know well, women aren't _balloons. _You can't just reach out, and tie one down to wherever you want her. Or that's what I told myself." he smiled ruefully. "But every minute she was with him, I felt totally, utterly stupid."

"You made the right choice." Tsunade said. "If you'd tried to break them up, I would have ripped your arms off. Go on."

"Er…yes. Well, she seemed happy enough, if a bit subdued. So I decided to live my own life as well. I'd learned…things from Jiraiya, that I thought of putting to good use, and I took off from there."

"Thus was born Naruto; man-whore of the hidden leaf."

"We prefer the term 'tomcat.' After her disastrous break-up with Shikamaru, I wondered whether I should try it properly for once. But Chouji appeared, and I lost my chance. And then…" His eyes turned downcast. "He died. How, Tsunade? Ino talked of suicide."

"That's her business, and no one else's."

"So that's why she and Tenten…First Lee, then Chouji. Of course they became fast friends."

"Lee's death is also confidential." Tsunade said stonily.

"He died as an ANBU. I have access to all my subordinates' files."

"So you know--"

"Their stories are both tragic. And they both blamed themselves, to a point. But Tenten found what she was looking for. She found Neji. And, even though he's a royal prick to other men, he still managed to pull Tenten from the brink." Naruto murmured, more to himself than to anyone else, "Arrogant bastard might be a better man than I thought."

"And Ino?"

"She had _no one. _Shikamaru ignored her. Chouji's father hated her. She was so _sad_. So hurt. She withdrew, she grew cold, and she didn't smile. And every moment of that, every moment she was in pain--" He tossed his head fitfully against the pillows. "It was like watching her die, slowly. So I intervened."

"More male hypnosis?"

"More love. But only as far as she wanted. That's all I can do; I'll go as far as she wants, but no further. No tricks, or man-magic, Tsunade. I offered, and she chose."

"and she chose you."

"I'll never forget it." Naruto reached up to her breast, to a small necklace hanging from it on a tiny gold chain. It gleamed, with gold and inset jewels, and was shaped like a small toad. "I know it hurts, years afterward. I know that it hurts, watching us falling in love, and growing old together, when you were never given that chance. But I can't live without her touch…her breath. If you try to keep us apart…you're killing us, just as surely as Jiraiya was killed."

"Don't you dare bring that up." Tsunade warned him.

"Remember? He could always cheer you up, always buoy your spirits, by saying something stupid. Even though you'd never made love, anyone might have thought you were lovers."

Tsunade gave a strangled sob. "I did sleep with him." She warbled. "Once. The day before---"she choked miserably. "before…you know. Oh…" she smiled through a haze of tears. "the old bastard was_magnificent. _His hands, and his movements! Like an acrobat." She heaved. "But you don't understand. You can't. What it feels like to have your heart ripped out, piece by painful piece."

"I don't." Naruto admitted. "And neither will Ino. Ever. Because I'll make sure she never feels that way."

"Then promise me you'll never force her into the hell that I had to go through."

"I promise." Naruto said, solemnly.

"just remember. I'm in charge of every medical facility in this city. Should you ever piss me off---" She cracked her knuckles. "I just might call in sick, when you're severely injured."

"Accepted, comprehended, obeyed!" Naruto agreed, saluting her rigidly. He winced, in discomfort. "Can you do something about these bandages?"

"Ask Ino." Tsunade waved a hand dismissively. "She's good with knives."

She stood at the door threshold, and nearly toppled a young nurse who had been standing by the door.

"Can I help you?" she asked.

The nurse's eyes darted, first left, then right. She tried to run down one of the long hospital corridors, but was foiled by Tsunade's darting grip.

"Can I help you?" Tsunade asked again, menacingly.

The nurse crumpled to the ground. Her eyes went empty, then her jaw went slack.

"Ino." Tsunade muttered. She strode briskly down the hallway, to find Ino in the waiting, room, smiling innocently.

"How much did you hear?" The imposing hokage asked.

"All of it." Ino said, then blushed. "He meant it. Even through the door, I could feel how much he meant it."

"He learned deepness, and kindness, somewhere along his travels. Where? Probably from Ji--Ji--" Tsunade hiccoughed, and stopped herself. "probably from his master. He could be romantic, when he had to be. But no one's asked him to display it; usually all they want from him are successful missions, and fantastic sex. You're bringing out his better half!"

"He's bringing out mine. What's your judgement of him?"

"Absolutely adorable. If you two don't hook up, I'll call in the konoha neurological corps, and have your head examined. Possibly lobotomized."

"Perish the thought!"

"Well…it does have its merits…"

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Narutomaniac(see review 53) is right; it never bodes well to have the titular characters seem too---whore-y. Thank goodness I uploaded the second half in time!

And Tsunade is meant to seem dragonish. We all know she doesn't mean a word of it.


	12. Filing Away Your Fears

-1

The office was a nightmare realm of paper, mingling constantly with listless boredom. Thus, those trapped within it were simultaneously kept on their toes, and bored out of their minds.

It was a terrible job, filing. And though they were, by regulation, required to document their mission results, most ANBU found ways to squeeze out of it. The hokage, outraged by people shirking paperwork, (as she was unable to do so), would crack down on truancy from time to time. Often, she would single out a few belligerent ninja, and force them to file a month's worth of papers, just as an example.

Today's particular filers were Ino and Tenten. Ino, for eavesdropping on "essential information", and Tenten for giving Ichigaku in ward five a near-stroke. How she managed this, was never truly elaborated, but Ino could guess.

"I need the D-99 forms. Just put them in box 5." Tenten whispered. No one else was in the file room with them, but they still felt the need to be quiet. "And then I'll need the 44-58 forms."

"Uhm…" Ino passed them to her after a moment's pause. "There." she stumbled, almost, as a three-foot tall stack of office forms swamped her up to her thighs.

Tenten tried not to giggle. In her defense she, really did make an effort. Her eyes squinted, and she bit the inside of her cheek until it bled, hoping the giggle would pass. Alas, it was not to be. Her raucous laughter shattered the silence of the sacred filing sanctum.

"I hate this." Ino griped. "It's so…"

"Stuffy." Tenten completed.

"Boring."

"Tedious!"

"Absolutely."

"And there's nothing to do…"

"But talk."

"Yeah."

Ino sighed. "Well , what is there to talk about?"

Tenten buried her face in a few C-70 forms. They were the softest; they made nice pillows. "Mmm…sex life?"

"We've already done that."

"Well, you never _tell _me anything. How _is _he in bed? Do you love him? What's his favorite food? Anything!"

"You sound like a fan-girl."

"More like a disciple. In the world of tabbies and toms, that man reigns supreme." Tenten prodded Ino with her shoulder. "So tell me!"

"I've only slept with him _once." _Ino grinned "so far."

"Well?" Tenten urged.

"Eighteen times. One night. That's all I'll say."

"No_ way."_

"I'll swear it on a stack of bibles if it eases your mind."_."_

"_How?"_

"He…I…it almost feels like he _knows me."_

Tenten gave her a blank look. "Well, he _does."_

"No, I mean how I'm feeling, what I want him to do next. And yet, everything's a surprise. When I'm with him, I feel free. Open."

"But…" Tenten shrugged. "But when you're away from him, how do you feel? I heard that from a friend; the measure of a man is how you feel about him while the two of you are _apart." _she wiggled her eyebrows mysteriously.

"Well you go first."

"What, with Neji? I warn you, there's not a lot to say."

"Then make it quick!"

"Well, sometimes I feel…anticipative. Neji will be back soon, and I love finding new ways to make that stately, regal face of his blush. Sometimes, I feel lonely, don't we all? And other times…" Tenten eyes grew hooded. Guarded, in some inexplicable way.

"Dark times."

"Yeah. I wonder whether I really deserve it. Whether, after causing Lee to…whether I really deserve to be happy. Whether I really deserve to feel that great, humming buzz after I cum with him, whether I deserve to laugh, when Neji blushes at one of my crude remarks. And even at night, when we _are _together, and he's sleeping with his arms around me, and I feel so _good_, and spent, and content next to him, I wonder. Do I deserve it?" She groaned, and thumped her head against the table. "How pathetic. I suppose I'm the last person to ask about relationship troubles."

"No. I…feel it, just as badly as you do. Guilt. I just see that gun all over again. The kitchen, clean, and white, except for an errant splash of blood. But on the floor, spreading like a flood, a crimson tide…the smell of iron, the look on his face---it was so pathetic. And I that killed him, just as surely as if I had pulled that trigger, Tenten."

"We're two psychopaths, aren't we?" Her friend sniffled.

"Yeah. But we psychos have to stick together, right?"

"Right."

"So…how I feel when Naruto's away…like right now?"

"Right this instant."

"Okay…let's see, wicked. I got to put him in an…uncomfortable situation today."

"I drugged him, you tied him up."

"Heh. And after that…boredom."

Tenten looked hurt. "Hey!"

"don't give me that look. You're just as bored as I am. Otherwise we wouldn't be trapped in a dingy filing room, talking about our sex lives."

"So…Naruto bores you?"

"No! It's when he's away that I'm bored. He makes things interesting. I bet, that if he were here, he could turn filing into something anyone would kill to do."

"I already have." her lover whispered, appearing behind her in a flurry of paper. His arms fell easily around her, and she fell into him, just as easily. "It's called strip filing. Every time someone makes a clerical error, they lose an article of clothing. Mind you." He glanced warily at Tenten. "It wouldn't do to play with Tenten over there. She'd just lose on purpose."

"And proud of it." Tenten added.

"Why are you here?" Ino asked. "Tsunade discharged you already?"

"No. She and I disagreed on that point. But her assistant nurse was new to the wards. Sweet young girl. Prone to blushing at every word I said. I managed to convince her I was perfectly well."

"How?"

"By cutting off my bandages. Her nosebleed knocked her against the adjacent wall!"

"Amateur." snorted Tenten.

"Hn. That's what _I_ thought. So, here I am, to rescue you."

"And me!" Tenten cried plaintively. "I want to be rescued too!"

"Hang tight. I checked the main office; Neji's negotiations with the Wave Branch ended early. He's due back within the day."

"I can't wait a day! Tsunade's blasted filing will kill me within a day!"

"I know. So I brought something to help you pass the time." He pulled out a slim black case from his side-pouch. From within the case, he drew out a black bottle, adorned with nothing but a menacing skull-and-crossbones. "From my merry half-year of pirating with Jiraiya, god rest his perverse, drunken soul." He said, grinning. "These are illegal for sale anywhere but the open ocean."

"Black rum." Tenten said, in awe.

"Blood-of-the-sea." Ino gasped.

"Is that what they call it these days? Yes, black rum. An entire bottle." He set it on the table. "can't wait a day? A sip of this, and you'll be able to pass as much time as you need."

Tenten eyed it, and bit her lip. "Mmm…"

_Take the rum. _Ino mouthed.

"I'm taking it." She said, finally. "_And _I'll cover for Ino when the time comes."

"Much obliged pardner." Naruto said, in an exaggerated drawl. "Just---not too much at once, yeah? It's got a kick like a drunken Kunoichi."

"Like a mule, you mean."

"No, I know better than you. Female ninjas kick one hell of a lot harder."

Ino tapped Tenten's shoulder. "You'd better take his word. I'd hate for my best friend to die of alcohol poisoning."

"Meh, not a problem." Tenten assured her. "I'm a girl who knows how to hold her liquor. Now, go! Hurry up, before I change my mind."

"We're going." Naruto grasped Ino's wrist, and they sprinted out the door. Ignoring the irritated glares of the few ANBU who they bumped into along the way, they found the nearest window, and-----

"What are you doing?" Ino asked.

"Opening the window." Naruto said.

"But---"

"STOP!" Rang a voice at the end of the hall. Tsunade was coming at them at a dead run, her hands clutched around an impossibly heavy table.

Some people went for table legs. Others, like Tsunade, just brought the whole table.

"Gods! We're dead." Ino moaned.

"Not if we---" Naruto grasped her quickly, heaving her up into his arms. Ducking through the window, he leapt to the ledge, and without hesitation, _jumped…_

_Off the ledge. _

_Into_

_The _

_Sky._

Warm winds gusted up beneath them, pushing them upwards. Ino quickly felt the sinking sensation of falling being replaced by warm, comforting security. Naruto's arms, and his long, surprisingly delicate fingers, reaching around her shoulders and waist.

"I almost forgot you could fly." She teased.

"I glide, actually. The wind takes me where it will."

"But you control the wind."

"Yes. But that's beside the point." He gestured to the faraway ground. "There's a thermal, just above the parking lot. I use it to escape from the office on busy days."

"_That's _where you disappear to on Mondays. Tsunade was always wondering.

"Well, now she knows. She'll probably bar up that window, from now on."

"All because of me." Ino gave him her most pitiful hangdog look. "I'm so sorry."

"False contrition ill-becomes you. You know full well it's small price to pay."

Ino raised an eyebrow. "For what?"

"For being able to be with you, alone, in the sky, on the sunniest day of summer."

"If you ask me, you paid cheaply."

"Mmm…not quite." Naruto kissed her, with lips as light and warming as the sun that was shining on the both of them. "I'm still paying. I'll take you out for lunch."

"Good." Ino said forcefully. "I'm _starving."_

"I have just the place, then. Beautiful restaurant, you might know it? The Swan?"

"Ichiraku's _Swan!?"_

"Yes." They touched down on a grassy knoll, just north of the downtown district. Hand in hand, they began walking down to the densely-populated streets. "I have a permanent reservation there."

"I wasn't aware they gave those out."

"They don't. I knew the old man before he came out with his big secret."

"Secret?"

"Old man Ichiraku was actually a world-famous chef. His base in Konoha was simply a study on Japanese food. After getting what he wanted, he opened a restaurant, named it the Swan."

"And he gave you a permanent reservation?"

"And taught me everything he knew about the art of cooking. I had to work for it, though. Some thug broke his daughter's heart, and he called me in."

Ino pursed her lips angrily. "Grr. Thugs. So what did you do?"

"Fair's fair, I figured. I broke his legs."

"Humph. I would have broken his---"

"That's a muscle, not a bone. It wouldn't have done any good."

"No, really?"

"take it from a guy. It's not a bone."

"But it's so _hard…"_

"You missed your male anatomy classes, didn't you?"

"…Yes. Playing hooky seemed a lot more fun at the time. So?"

"So I broke the guy's legs, the girl moved on---it took her a while, too. Great girl, but a tad naive. Still, she found her true love somewhere in France---it's a faraway land, across the sea. I suppose she's doing okay."

"Good for her. And the scumbag?"

"No idea. I don't much care, either."

"And Ichiraku now runs the restaurant alone?"

"No." They rounded a corner, and walked towards the Swan's entrance, avoiding annoyed glares from the thirty people waiting in line outside. "He's off in Germany. Said he was looking for the perfect Schnapps."

"has he found them yet?"

"No. But then, Germany's a big place. I suppose he will, eventually."

"But if he's in Germany now---"

"Who runs the restaurant?" Naruto asked. "Good question."

They entered the Swan's famed double doors; engraved with delicate gold leaf, to mimic the appearance of feathers. The Maitre'd spotted them instantly, inclined his head.

"The usual wine-and-dine?" He asked haughtily. "How much alcohol do you want me to put in the drinks this time? Enough for her to sleep with you, or just enough to knock her out?"

"Shows what you know, you eunuch." Naruto retorted, sticking out his tongue. "I'm taking her to the kitchen with me. Is Ryou in?"

"Master Ichiraku is in. For now. Anko, you see, keeps him on a very short leash."

"She wouldn't disturb him at work."

"She reserves the right to disturb him whenever she wants."

Naruto winced. "Too true. To kitchen it is, then!"

Ino had frozen. "Do you see that?"

"What?"

"There was this one old pervert over at that table--" she pointed. "Who was…examining me. Like some butterfly on a glass slide."

"The educated, male equivalent of "checking out one's package", love."

"Disgusting. We women shouldn't have to feel the need to debase ourselves just so that men like him can "check us out."

"Well, do you feel the need to debase yourself so that men like him can check you out?"

"No…"

"So there's no problem. Besides--don't lie---women do the exact same all the time. Don't tell me that you've never seen an attractive man, and wondered whether or not he would be a good lay."

"So I have. So sue me." Ino shuddered. "But old men should stick to old ladies. Bleaugh."

"Oh, he's still inexperienced, despite his age. A true master can gauge everything he wants to know about a woman from a look, and a hug."

"How does that work?" Ino laughed, intrigued. She barely noticed as Naruto guided them gently through the restaurant, to the kitchen bay.

"It's intuitive, mostly. For example." He slipped an arm easily around her. "You're…hmm…size…32C, waist twenty five…no, twenty six. Perfect--you're no bulimic, pale waif, that's for sure. You walk in long strides--that means you're confident. When you look at people, you make straight eye-contact--you aren't afraid of anyone, men and women alike."

"A perfect analysis." Ino deadpanned. "But my waist is actually twenty-five-point-five."

"Meh. I was close." They reached the kitchen doors. "Now, are you ready to see something fun?"

-------------------------------

Steam!

The kitchen was full of it. Scented sweet, scented sour, scented salty, meaty, and succulent. The smells were overpowering, but in a manner both stimulating, and delicious.

Through the thick, roiling clouds of vapor, Ino could hear voices, raised and frantic, flitting from side-to-side.

"Menu A-B! Someone call the sous-chef!"

"Damn and blast! Where is the Perrier? And don't tell me that it's gone, I had a whole bloody bottle just---"

"Anyone missing a finger? No? Good!"

"They're so…busy." Ino marveled.

"They're chefs." Naruto said. "Second-only to suburban mothers in business."

"That one remark about fingers…that was a joke, right?"

Naruto shuddered. "…probably. Ever since the head-chef left, his sous-chef has been turning this place upside-sown. Threw out the old menu, and changes the new one every week. He's absolutely _insane. _A few missing fingers wouldn't surprise me." There was a sudden clattering of shoes on the kitchen's marble floor. "Oh _shite."_

Ino barely had time to blink, as a giant, wreathed in spicy fog, tackled Naruto to the ground.

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	13. The Giant

It took all of one second for Ino to draw her knives. Two more had both blades firmly placed by the attacker's throat. On her fourth second, she would have pulled back both arms, splitting the man's pulmonary artery (and he could only have been a man, with his thick shoulders and arms) with ease.

Would have, but was stopped by Naruto's foot.

"Easy." He groaned. "He's a friend. Though if you still want to kill him, that's fine with me."

"Humph!" The fog cleared, revealing a stolidly-built man in a crumpled chef's hat, dusting himself off briskly. Thick black hair hung like a mat from his head, and almost obscured his aquiline nose--obviously broken several times before. He was built like a bear…albeit a ruggedly attractive one. Ino was reminded of prehistoric cave-dwelling men, on the covers of cheesy romance novels; masculine, almost to the point of being primitive. If indeed Anko was sleeping with him, Ino could easily see why. "Where I am from, friends do not insult the cooking of friends, no? Nor do they let their girlfriends kill aforementioned friends on a whim." He spoke with a heavy western accent.

"Ino would never kill on a whim." Naruto assured. "If you die by her hand, its because she hates you with a _passion._" He frowned. "And besides, what do you mean 'where I am from?' You were born here, just the same as me."

"Oui. Mais, les femmes, elles aiment _cette _langue." The chef made a vague kissing motion with his fingertips. "La langue d'amour!"

Naruto raised a cool eyebrow. "French? Flirting with a woman in French gets you nothing if she can't understand a single word of what you're saying. For heaven's sake Ryou, _I _can't understand what you're trying to say! And besides." Naruto leaned in close. "If so much as a word of it got out to Anko, she'd feed you a new dish; your balls on a platter."

"What goes on in my kitchen won't hurt her. You're certainly one to talk, you shameless social butterfly."

"A social butterfly who is finally undertaking the ritual of serious partnership. I don't believe you two have ever met; Ryou, this is Yamanaka Ino, Ino, this is Ichiraku Ryou."

Ryou's eyes instantly brightened. "Ah! A woman! And no run-of-the mill ordinary looker for you; You've roped yourself a stunner!" He turned to her, grasped her palms with surprisingly soft hands. "Tes levres….tes yeaux. Belle! Belle! Seriez-vous la mienne, madamoise---mmmph!"

Naruto placed a hand firmly over his mouth, and straightened the crooked hat with his free hand. "Your French accent is lousy. As is your French. And your hat's askew." grabbing a nearby ladle, he rapped Ryou several times across his forehead. "Aren't you ashamed of yourself?"

"Aren't you?" Ryou sulked. "Coming back into this kitchen with a bare minimum of cooking skill?"

"Bare minimum?!" Naruto spluttered. "I was at the same level as you, thank-you-very-much!"

"Before you left to become a filthy sweaty ninja." Ryou snickered.

"Better than a chef, growing fatter and fatter by the day!"

"Fatter?_Fatter? _I have never been in better shape. Perhaps you mean_solid.."_

"Solid like a boulder. A big, _round _one. With a paunch."

"Feckless corporate assassin!"

"Overweight ape!"

"Anko thinks otherwise."

"Anko doesn't have eyes for anything _above the waist._."

"If you two are done." Ino growled. "With your silly, insignificant, and utterly _male _posturing, I am hungry."

"Point." Ryou conceded.

"Point." Naruto agreed. "In that case, I'll hurry this up. Do you have an open station?"

"Yes…we're using a new kitchen system, straight from the west. Cooking stations are economized for maximum cellular efficiency. So long as you don't bother my chefs, you'll be left well-enough alone."

"Is station thirty…?"

"The_monster? _You're going to cook on _that _thing?!"

"I'm teaching the lovely Ms. Yamanaka here the finer elements of cooking." Naruto grinned. "And the best way to forge a good chef is straight through the crucible."

"A potent lack of crucibles is fine by me!" Ino said hurriedly. "I'd prefer not to be burned, I _hate _the small of burning hair…"

"The stations are equipped with all the proper gear. Including headbands." Ryou was smiling widely.

"I meant it in a metaphorical sense…"

"How can you be burned in a 'metaphorical sense'?" Naruto pressed.

"_Painfully._With little metaphorical blisters, and metaphorical split ends, and metaphorical broken nails, and…"

"Do you hate cooking?" Ryou asked, incredulous.

"Not…in_that _sense." Ino protested. "Just that I avoided learning how to cook. I hated the thought that it would make me into the 'perfect housewife.'" She gagged. "With aprons, and ladles, and that constant simpering air of '_yes dear, no dear'."_

"A perfectly normal fear." Naruto agreed. "But that's not what cooking is about." He nuzzled her. "Plus, you'd look stunning in an apron. Provided you had nothing else on."

"Shameless flirt." Ryou muttered.

"I second that opinion." Ino said, her cheeks a deep crimson. "So…er…food?"

"Station thirty. Right down this aisle, and to your left." Ryou tried to give her a light pat in the right direction. His hands, however, were of the roaming variety, and ended up a good deal lower than she liked. "After that, well, a woman as beautiful and intelligent as you, should have no trouble."

Ino grabbed his hand: it was hard as rock, and oddly callused at the tips. The price of being a cook, she supposed; the price of taming the raging fires of the culinary stove.

"Beautiful, yes." She said slowly, increasing the pressure of her grip by progressive inches. Ryou's face broke out in sweat. "And intelligent. And certainly not some air-headed doll that you can pat about like…like…" she turned to Naruto. "Give me a word."

"A whore?"

"Too strong."

"A Jezebel."

"Exactly. A jezebel." At this point, Ryou's wrist might as well have been encased in iron. "Do you understand, Ryou?"

Ryou was terrified; it was obvious from his expression. Ino loved the sight of a man cowering in fear. It was altogether too bad, she decided, that Naruto never bore the same expression. Of course, she would never have fallen in love with him if he had been the type to scare.

"Right." Ryou slipped his hands away, and rubbed them sorely. "My profuse apologies." Ino noticed that his wrists held evidence of previous bruises. "Gods, she's _just _like Anko. Got the same terrifying grip."

"Oi!" A chef cried plaintively from a faraway cloud of steam. "A little help with this flan, sir? Unless his exalted majesty is too busy palaverin' with the saucy wench of our esteemed village playboy?"

Scattered laughter from a full score of disparate chefs filled the room.

"I'll have your head for that!" Ryou roared. "And your legs. Not your rocks, Auchlay, its obvious you haven't got any of those, hiding in the mist like you are!"

"Go ahead and try sir! These legs are good for running with, you know! And me rocks, well, better to not have any than to have a couple for decoration, like you, sir!"

"Tell that to my beautiful kunoichi lover!" Ryou cried. "Now, man your stations; the night is long, and we've not got the time to fill all our orders, you laggards!" Lowering his voice, he whispered, "Do call if you need any help. Naruto is sure to muck things up, yeah?"

And off he went, a bounding, black-haired giant, into the steam.

"…you have the most interesting friends." Ino said.

"The others are all women. Not half as interesting." Naruto replied casually.

"Pity."

"Isn't it? Now come along."

He led them down a corridor, which led to several more corridors; Ryou's kitchen was not a single cook station; rather, a vast warehouse full of stoves, sinks, ovens, and chilled provision cabinets. More than half the restaurant was actively engaged in cooking, rather than eating.

"it's the architecture." Naruto explained. "Half the cooking structure is underground--it's aesthetically pleasing to the restaurant goers. The cooks hate it, of course. Their sour dispositions prove it beyond a doubt."

"For fuck's sake!" A plaintive voice wailed. "I was stewing those!"

"…They certainly display it openly." Ino remarked.

"They think cooking is a men's game. Salty language is a must."

"Sexist pigs!"

"Let's prove them wrong, love."

The station they approached seemed fundamentally _different _from the other stations. Its stove was newer, for one. Unlike the other stoves, it was more of a piece of art than it was a stove. Beautiful grey curves of stainless steel arched like knives from a decidedly dorsal chassis. Meters, readouts, and pressure gauges made it seem like a cockpit, not a kitchen.

"…Wow…?" Ino was impressed, and terrified. Between the two, terror was winning the fight.

"The monster, the Chefs call it. Station 30. The experimental station. Every five years or so, they upgrade the stove make to the newest possible model. The hottest. The most delicate. When they don't explode mysteriously, these stoves make some of the finest meals on the planet."

"More culinary humor?"

"No, truth. If it starts over heating…back away. Posthaste, if at all possible."

"Comforting." Ino glanced at the station, at thousands of shining utensils, heaters, and containers. "So…how do we start?"

"Well, lunch ought to be light…so…soup. Let's see…French onion might be a bit too heavy…"

"French onion?"

"Stewed onion, sometimes with beef stock, with little ingredients added bit-by-bit over time. Normally it takes a couple of hours to stew a good soup; the onions take well to patience." his finger tapped his chin, in a textbook 'thinking pose'. "The result is…complex."

"Sounds good. I'm in the mood for something…_complex."_

"But it might take a while! And the recipe can be complicated."

Ino hushed him with a finger to his lips. "Show me. I'm eager to learn…" She chuckled. "Everything." she made a random grab, and came up with a spatula.

"Slow down, then. First, there's no sense swinging about a stainless-steel cooking aid if there's no food to use it on." Naruto faded into the steam, and reappeared with a cart. "First, you need ingredients."

"How did you come up with those so fast?"

"The kitchen is still the same after all these years. Ryou always has an ingredient preparation table in constant rotation. For a pro like myself, its easy to find what others can't normally get."

"Mother of god!" A chef cursed. "Which one of you idjits stole my Calvados brandy?"

"And nick what you can't find." Naruto added mischievously. "Shall we begin?"

The stove hissed. Flames erupted from its every crevice and corner. Like some feral creature, lurking behind a curtain of menacing ash, it skulked close to the floor, looking for all the world like a superheated shark.

"We shall." Ino said, in a small voice. Small, because the kitchen was everything she had feared it to be, and more. Fire, spices, the musty scent of finely aged wine---she feared them far more than any assassin, or corrupt warlord. Cooking was a deadly poison that had haunted her for most of her adult life. No matter how much of a brave front she put on for Naruto, she couldn't disguise her apprehension, if not outright terror. "Yes. There will be foods tossed about, and lots of fire, and many dangerous things, but we shell persevere, and-and---"

"Yamanaka Ino, sole perpetrator of the mass-castration of Fuugo hill, the sextuple assassination in Myuugo county, and terror of the ANBU lieutenant ranks, are you scared?"

"Yes." She admitted. "I told you: becoming a mundane housewife terrifies me more than any armed thug."

Pensively, Naruto regarded her, and kissed her cheek. "Not a chance. Think about it. You, becoming _chaste? _Becoming a boring housewife? Hell would freeze over first."

"Thanks." She said. "I'll take that as a compliment."

"It is. Because the Yamanaka Ino _I_ know, is interesting beyond belief. Perplexing to the point of apoplexy. Contrary, just for the sake of contrariness. She confuses me, she unbalances me, and she_entrances me,_ which sets her apart from just about any other woman I've met. She's…impossible to comprehend. Every day, there's something new to discover."

Ino smiled. "And what happens when you completely discover everything there is to know about me, hm?"

"Silly." Naruto pouted. "How do you completely discover an ocean?"

She laughed, then, and hugged him, all her tightly-wound fear dissipating in the wind. His arms caught her waist, and his lips neatly caught her own. His kiss was light---he knew not to push her too far. Not yet…the night was long, as Ryou might say.

"I needed that." she sighed.

"I knew you did. Ready to cook?" He flipped a knife at her, hilt-first.

Ah, a knife! She loved knives. Knives she could deal with. Knives were simple, no complexity required. Cut-stab-cut-stab.

Normally, she cut people with her knives. Today, she would cut onions. And between the two, there was really no difference…right? Right, she told herself. Because onions were just like people. They had layers--nice soft, fleshy ones--and they smelt funny. Ergo, they were easy to cut.

Naruto, as if reading her mind, winked, and tossed her an onion. She caught it on the tip of her knife, and…_castrated _it.

Chop! Chop!

She had been right. They were _exactly _the same.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Hello again, mysterious people who I will probably never meet face-to-face (Well, maybe. You never know, do you?). Another chapter has come and gone, and Christmas has had its merry way with us all. I hope yours were just as merry as mine! (But I wouldn't will the morning after on you for the world.Not sleeping for twenty-four straight hours is fun...until you crash at six in the morning.)I'm still recuperating from that one, actually. And I still need to get myself in gear for new year's! Urgh.

You might have noticed...a lemon is coming soon. One chapter, maybe two more...planning can be tough with stories like these.

Ah, and BONUS:

VOCABULARY LIST (For those who need it)

Apoplexy--A fit of sudden frustration or anger.

Postehaste--Really Quickly. Imagine bombs, or angry girlfriends and the like.

French--Don't bother translating it. Its all cheesy "Would you be mine's, and "Your lips--your eyes! beautiful!". Ryou is not exactly a Casanova. If my french is a bit rusty, I'm sorry. Really effing sorry, if you'll excuse my french. Ha-ha.

Feckless--totally useless. Like...er...waterproof teabags, I suppose? Solar-powered flashlights? Permeable rubbers? Make up one of your own.

Jezebel--An offensive term. Like "whore", but for the upper-crust, and really really old people. And the well read. Try guessing which one I am.

Palaverin'--Palaver. Talking. Yadda-yadda-yadda and so on. Only the Irish use it nowadays. They sure do love their archaisms, those Gaels.

Sextuple--Six times. Like uh...sextuplets. Those do happen, by the way. Fertility drugs are to blame. Six children! Ah, the labor pains must be _murder. _

Castration--Get yourself a dictionary for this one. As a man, I have to say it holds a fair but of...stigma for me. If you don;t know it, please don't learn it. Please.


	14. Steamy encounters

I'm back again. Sorry for the wait. College hit me like a sack of bricks, then laid into me with claws of steel, and shredded me with teeth of---you get the idea.

For those of you who have not yet experieced it yet, allow me a small warning.

College is _hard._

Now then. Enough whining! The countdown to the long-awaited lemon has begun! One more...can you bear the wait?

--------------------------------------

Years and years ago, at least a decade before she entered ANBU, Ino recalled a certain cooking lesson that had turned her worldview on its head. No more than thirteen or fourteen, she had been forced into the mandatory female-exclusive cooking classes given by the Ninja academy. This was a definite annoyance to young Ino, who much preferred the great outdoors to a stuffy Academy kitchen. Her mother, however, was very persuasive. Her arguments were convincing, but it was her usage of blunt kitchen cutlery that drove it home. Inoichi Yamanaka could wield a knife almost as well as her daughter.

And thus, the kitchen. Ruled by Madam Riviera; a pompous matron who strode down the aisles, twirling her thick wooden ladle, smacking unsuspecting students with a meaty _thwack! _

Ino hated her foul guts. Everything about her, from the disgusting trill of her R's, to the cloying scent of expensive perfume that clouded her like a toxic shroud, bespoke an arrogant self-assuredness.

"Stuudents!" She would sing. "Learn this well! Pay attention to me! How will any of you get marrrrrrried if you don't know how to cook?"

At this point, Ino would curl her lip in disgust. Marriage! Ugh! Babies, and getting fat, and old, and all sorts of terrible things. The smell of old cheese, curling up in a wicker chair to rock away her feeble last days---to be sure, marriage was the first step in _growing up._

And really, who wanted to grow up? It was much better (from a fourteen-year old's perspective) to stay young, and pretty forever.

So one day, fed up with her instructor's ridiculous drivel, she stood up, in front of the whole class, her arms crossed, her eyes blazing (she had always been fiery, much to the chagrin of her teachers), and enquired coolly as to why they had to seek out husbands when women were perfectly capable of earning money, housekeeping, and cleaning, (along with skiing, skydiving, pony-riding, knife-fighting, and vicious groin-kicking) without any clumsy men to muck it up, thank-you-very-much?

To which her teacher had responded, "oh, you'll see, poppet. One day, you'll wake up, all alone, and realize that we women are_nothing _without men."

Oooh the nerve of her! Ino had wanted to grab her by her wattled neck, and_shake _her until her fusty old head fell from her shoulders. But according to her mother, her teacher was in the right, she was in the wrong, and Ino Yamanaka was to take cooking classes until the Sun cooled, and the earth experienced its next ice age.

She had taken the classes, for all the good it had done her. After the final day was over, she burned her cooking books, her aprons, and her "I Wuv Sasuke" tee-shirt, (a handmade item that she had been loath to part with, even after the man himself had run off to the village of Hidden Sound), and sworn never, _ever _to cook again. Or to wear pink dresses. Or to walk around in those _humiliatingly_uncomfortable high-heels. (unless she felt like it. Some days were high-heel days.)

In the presence of no-one but the wind, she had scattered the ashes of her feminine chains, and forged a new course-of-life, fully resolved never to enter a kitchen again.

"And yet here I am." She murmured wonderingly to herself.

The kitchen was different; all sharp and gleaming, in a manner both professional and appealing to the eye. The tools and ingredients were top of the line. And the teacher…

He was a _very _good teacher. Given, admittedly, to sudden and unexpected hugging…but Ino wasn't complaining.

"The soup will spill." She laughed, as he held her.

"No it won't."

"You put in too many onions. It might tip."

"They shrink. The heat does it. You simmer it in the butter, and wait 'till it browns, which would be right about…_now…_and then you give it a bit of flour…"He spun her gently to an adjacent counter. "Two tablespoons to be precise. Would you please?"

Meticulously, she measured out two tablespoons, and passed them to him.

"Beautiful, thank you. Then you add the stock, and, my personal favorite…" he whipped out an elongated bottle of clear, yet oddly tinted liquid. "The Calvados. Best brandy in the world." He frowned. "Well, a good Armagnac might beat it on occasion. But for now…" with a careful whiff, he inhaled its scent. "Oh! You know your brandy, right?"

"A veritable expert with alcoholic beverages of any kind." Ino replied. "I prefer wine, myself though. I don't like getting smashed. The hangovers are _terrible._"

"take a whiff of this then, Miss Wine-lover, and tell me your thoughts."

Ino sniffed carefully. The brandy was oddly…neutral. "Huh. The calvados is an apple liquor, right? And it's always aged in oak barrels. So shouldn't it smell like apples and wood?"

Like a proud teacher, Naruto was all nods and smiles. "You know your liquor, it seems. Yes, you're right. But that's why this one's special--its been _aged. _For at least a decade if I'm not mistaken. I almost feel sorry for taking it."

"Sorry enough to give it back?"

"Not in a million years." he said devilishly. "Pour it in."

"Sir, yes sir." She replied, thoroughly amused.

And she stayed amused for the rest of the day. Inside the kitchen, surrounded by suffocating steam, and the shouts of a hundred angry cooks, time seemed to slow. Outside it might have been daylight or night--she didn't care. Naruto--the way he made things lively, and bright, wherever he went--made time an irrelevant concept.

"Look at this dough." he gestured, while they were making their own baguettes. "It's got the makings of a great loaf, you can tell. All it needs is a loving touch."

His fingers spiraled around the nubs of pliant dough, his hands kneaded it with gentle curving movements, and Ino wondered, for a moment, how it would feel to be caressed by those hands. Not in a simple hug, or a lingering touch, but in _bed, _with his smooth palms sliding across her bare skin…

She blinked rapidly to clear her head.

One night, _just one, _with him, and she had already become a raging pervert. Perhaps it was contagious. Perhaps she'd caught some of Naruto's sex-philia.

"I'm an idiot" she whispered.

"So am I." Naruto chimed. "What a coincidence. Two idiots; we're perfect for each other." he turned the soup tureen, which, under their careful guidance, had evolved into a delicious brown broth, resplendent with herbs, and topped with melted Gruyere cheese. Their baguette garnished the edges, sliced into several pieces implanted with sprigs of parsley. "Taste" he ordered.

She opened her mouth hesitantly. "Ahh…"

Something slipped down her throat. Something smooth, and deep, and rich, and_silky. _Light flavors danced across her tongue--hints of onion, of beef, of herbs…but not too much, in either direction. The bread was fresh and crisp, and the cheese melted lusciously across every bite.

"Good?" her personal blue-eyed chef asked her.

"Hmmm….mmm!" She moaned. "when did you learn to cook like this?"

"I told you. Ichiraku. His two apprentices, Ryou and I, we took two different approaches to cooking. Ryou goes for style, flair, and subtle tastes. Myself, well…I consider cooking to be an extension of the sex act."

Ino coughed. "Ah?"

"Your expression just now, for example." Naruto brushed her cheek. "That ecstatic moment of bliss is exactly what I aim for in everything I do. Cooking is no exception."

"Well, today's dish seems to be a success, then."

"Indeed." Naruto grasped the tureen, and placed it gently on a nearby cart. "Shall we go to a private room? There's one on the west side that no one ever uses…strange, since it's got one of the best views in the City."

"To the west side!" Ino called, brandishing her paring knife with aplomb.

"Now you're just being silly."

----------------------------------------------

They met Ryou on their way out of the kitchen. Ino had the feeling that he had been waiting for them.

"Ah hmm…" he muttered, sniffing the tureen. "More of that sex-food nonsense, eh?"

"Even my foods have more sex appeal than you do, you."

"Think what you like." he dismissed. "But the flavor's a bit…weak, don't you think? Most of your dishes are, in my opinion."

"Subtle."

"Weak."

"Play nice boys." Ino interrupted. "Or I'll make you play nice."

Naruto stiffly bowed to Ryou, who made a similarly stiff bow in return.

"--The devil?" they both cursed simultaneously.

"Oh!" Ino cried. "It works!"

"Another new technique?" Naruto dryly asked.

"And a dead useful one too." Ino said.

"Female ninjas--absolute terrors, every one." Ryou gasped. "But don't let Anko hear that."

"I heard." Said a voice from the exit. "But you're right, we _are,_so I'll let that remark slide."

"Oh_damn." _Ryou cursed again.

"Here I took the time out of my schedule to stop by." Anko growled, striding through the double doors, "a precious schedule, in which time is _literally _money, and I find you…what? Chatting things up with our airy village blonde."

Little had changed in the nine years after Orochimaru's death. Anko had aged well, and her eyes maintained every bit of their youthful vigor. She'd cropped her hair shorter than Ino last remembered…but women were prone to that anyways. And she was terrifying. Her eyes could still melt rock.

"Excuse me?" Ino interjected.

"I'm not talking about _you." _Anko smiled.

"Excuse me?" Naruto echoed.

"Hmm. Clueless as ever." said Anko, shaking her head. "I can forgive him for that, though. He's great in the sack."

"Do you want to eat, or what?" Ryou asked.

"Bossing me around?" exclaimed Anko. She grasped Ryou by the ear, and led him deeper into the kitchen. "I'll have you know, _I _wont be eating anything. You will."

Faintly, Ino heard Ryou ask, "What exactly am I going to be eating?"

And even more faintly, she heard Anko's empathetic reply. "_Me."_

"Anko is still…energetic." Naruto grimaced.

"How old is Ryou?"

"A few years my senior. He likes older women."

"Hmm." Ino mused. "And you?"

"I don't care about ages." he murmured in her ear. "You were the only one I've ever had in mind anyways."

"Ryou is sadly lacking in comparison."

"Not quite. Did you see the way she grabbed his ear?"

"Brutal, yes."

"For me, she would have done it at knife-point. I think it's her little way of expressing affection for him. Pain, that is."

"Eegh. He'll be in…_pain _tomorrow morning."

"Truer word have never been spoken." Naruto laughed.

"I'd never do that." She said.

"I know."

"I_could, _though. I'm stronger than you."

Naruto smiled lazily. "Confident, aren't you, Miss Yamanaka? I know all about chakra strength enhancement. I know you could shatter a boulder with your bare fists, for example. But what good is all that power…if you can't _use it?"_

_His leg, moving with the luxurious whisper of fabric between the legs of her jeans…_

_The way he felt against her…_

Her thighs trembled. Her body was suddenly a mountain of jelly.

"You fi-fight dirty." She managed to gasp out, before he kissed her.

"A trademark ninja tool." he laughed. "let's eat."

"I could beat you in a fair fight!" she hotly continued. Without---er…"

"Below-the-belt tactics?"

"Yes, exactly…hey!"

"Just adding a little innuendo, love."

---------------------------------------------

Dinner was, as she had expected, delicious. Days could be spent describing the rolling flavors, and savory scents that bombarded her throughout the meal. And the fact that she, in her own small way, had contributed to it, made the food all the tastier. Cooking, as she had rediscovered, could be fun...with company.

And tonight, her company was unsurpassed.

"So tell me again." she asked him, as they gazed at the Konoha skyline, "what did you do with yourself for seven years?"

"After that whole mess with Pein?"

"Mm."

"Well, I tried pirating again. They called me the Lighting Flash aboard the ships. I plundered…oh, hundreds of vessels, in the year that I spent. Eventually, the captains all joined together to respectfully beg me to leave the open seas."

"Unfair competition?"

"Strangely enough, they have a fairly rigid code of honor. They just break it_all the time."_

"Hah. And after that?"

"Journeying around the world, mostly. "I'd made a promise, see? A half-assed one, when Jiraiya was really rip-roaring drunk. He made me promise to finish his books should he ever die. Told me to write up a finale, a_real _hum-dinger."

"Humdinger?"

"His own words. I traveled to Paris, Rome, the Forbidden City…"

"In china? I thought it was…well…"

"Forbidden? Absolutely. Luckily, I had a friend in the serving staff who let me in at midnight."

"A female friend, of course."

"Of course!" Naruto laughed. "I was fairly young at the time. She was older…by maybe five or six years. She 'worked' as a maid for the nobles---that means they could 'take' her whenever they wanted." His laughter faded. "I think…right around then was when I resolved to treat women like I do. I don't…like to see them crying."

"What was her name?" Ino asked. Somehow, she could feel an odd kinship with this woman from so far away.

"Xing." Naruto sighed reminiscently. "Her name was Xing. I hid in her quarters while I researched the palace and its hierarchy. I think I loved her…you know, in that prepubescent, hormone-driven sort of way. Her life was so terrible…but she never cried. Not once. Women…all of you. You're _strong."_

"How did she die?" Ino whispered sympathetically.

"Die?" Naruto choked. "Wha---? Oh!" he burst into a fit of helpless mirth. "She didn't die, silly. Her betrothed--back from her hometown--came back for her. He confronted the emperor himself, fought off a thousand armed guards. Talented man. They left for their own little happily-ever after, and I left for some more research. I haven't seen either of them since."

"How…sad."

"Not sad at all. When there's life, nothing is impossible. All roads converge in a single point, they say. I know I'll meet them again. Anyways, that isn't anything compared to where I went next."

"Where?"

"Constantinople. I wanted to learn about the culture of the jewel of the east, as they say."

"What did you learn?"

"Rooftops are slippery in the afternoon. When avoiding assassins, invest in a pair of wall-climber's shoes."

"…what?"

"I don't know…" Naruto leaned back in his chair. "Organized criminals just don't _like _me."

"_Assassins?"_

"Terrible lot. All knives, and swords…_and guns. _They are, apparently, very forward-thinking."

"And you beat them up, of course. In a manly, and narratively convenient way."

"I bribed them, actually. Pay them enough, and they leave you alone. Turns out though, that I killed so many of them that they were planning to label me "untouchable" anyways. That's the title they give to people who take too much effort to kill. I fought one of their masters to a standstill--no wonder they were scared."

"How was he?"

"Strong. Unbelievably strong. And it was a _she. _Sirocco was her name. Desert Wind. Beautiful girl. Terrible attitude, though. Very murderous. I disarmed her, then ran."

"Hell hath no fury like a woman spurned, you know. She might just have taken it the wrong way." Ino mused.

"She did. Against the orders of her guild, she made repeated attempts on my life for my entire stay in the Last Great City. She was raised to fight--she probably thought she was flirting with me. I still have a few scars to show for it! Anyways, after that…"

And so on. Naruto had been to a thousand places, seen things that Ino had never heard of before. He told her of sunken cities, through which thousands of men paddled along in gondolas. He spoke of vast tombs filled with unmoving clay soldiers, islands on the high seas, unimaginable waterfalls in the highest mountains. Even though Ino had traveled abroad, she had never heard of someone as hopelessly footloose as Naruto, nor of the places he had frequented.

"You never see the best parts of a country in travel brochures." He expounded. "It's all in the people. You hire a local guide, and you'll see things you never thought you'd see. We'll go together, someday."

"Together?" Ino asked, bristling. "As what?" She could sense the inevitable answer that all men gave. 'As a married couple of course' they all said. All of them, so confident that the woman in question _wanted_to settle down, to live a life of bored, detached----

"As whatever you want us to be." he soothed. "Just as...buddies, if you like." He eyed her askance. "And, if you like, as something…_more."_

"That's---"

"Ah. Look! The sun's setting."

So it was. Konoha was a perfect place for sunsets, it was often said, for the constant storm of autumn leaves augmented the already fiery spectacle that was dusk. A line of red fire, drawn by the sun, receded in increments with a flurry of golden leaflets. Like a maw that ingested the city in reverse, splendid tongues of sunlight lapped backwards, towards the far-off hills of the watercolor skyline of the city. Their city.

"Evening already." Ino wondered. "Huh."

"Pretty, though."

"Definitely."

"I'll walk you home."

What, Ino wondered, did he mean by that remark? She could see his face, beaming innocently, in the manner of angels and cherubs. How could she suspect a face like that?

"A gentleman? I thought your kind had died out long ago."

"Hmm. It's because of women like Anko, who don't give a damn about chivalry. The men have started to feel…a little emasculated. They just don't bother with manners."

"A loss."

"Oh, yes, a terrible loss."

She snuggled against him as they walked to her home. The houses blurred as they walked past---she didn't have the time to see them. She knew what was about to happen. The way they walked, getting closer and closer by the minute…pressing against each other with more and more urgency…she only prayed they made it to the apartment in time.

And they did, barely.

"This is my stop." She said, unlocking the front door. "Thank you. I had…a _great _time."

"I see." He said. "That's good."

They stood like that, awkwardly, at the doorway.

"I…should go." he whispered.

"Oh."

"Chivalry and all that. Yeah. The noblest thing to do would be to…ahem, leave in a dignified, and polite manner."

"If that's what you want." she said disappointedly.

"You believe me _far _too easily, love." He swept her off her feet, and into her apartment.

"Much better." Ino smiled.

"er…which way's your bedroom again?"

She laughed. "Very smooth, Mr. Playboy. Second door--right side."

"Only doing my utmost to keep you amused, love."

They entered the room.

"huh." he said. "awfully…blue."

"My favorite color. Pink is for prissy glamour-girls."

"Sakura would kill you for saying that."

"Sakura was _exactly _who I had in mind."

Naruto eyed her bed. "Well! You certainly sleep in comfort. What possesses a single woman to buy a queen-sized bed?"

Ino had often wondered that herself. When buying the bed, she had been taken by a strange urge to buy the biggest one possible. She'd never managed to understand why.

But now, as she collapsed into the sheets, with Naruto following a close second, she understood. Repressed carnal desires, and all that. She didn't care.

The night would prove to be…interesting.

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	15. The Night

This is the first part of a two part lemon. I thought that I could merge the two of them, make a super lemon, and them post it up later, but that offended my sensibilities as an author. You will have your lemons! In a timely and sensible manner, without delays! Behold!

I think that's quite enough exclamation. Now if I'm correct, we left these two in quite the awkward situation…

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If you could make a being out of _pure _flame…

A man without limits, a man who could waste away any inhibitions, who allowed a searing passage through a world _beyond pleasure, _and into a realm that bore absolutely no description…

He would be Naruto. Without a question.

Ino was _burning. _

Logic dictated that she was not. She was on her bed, slowly being undressed by the love of her life, trying but failing to resist the mind-numbing sensations that he spread across every inch of her bare skin.

But in her _mind; _in her deepest, most secret heart, where all emotions and sensations compressed themselves to a single point, she was on _fire. _

Graceful and fluid, Naruto made short work of her clothes. Even her bra, with a single hand---which gave her a small surprise.

"Impossible." she gasped.

"What is?"

"_One-_handed? Most of you lot can't manage it with _both _hands."

"Practice makes perfect they say, love." He kissed her along the edge of her thighs. "And I've had a lot of practice."

"_Hmmmm…"_

His fingers made a slow ascent up her golden skin, across her chest, and her thundering heart. They found their targets---both of them---standing stiffly erect, thanks mostly to his tender attentions.

"Perky." he murmured. "My favorite kind."

"Oh shut up." she shot back.

And then he took them both in his nimble fingers…

And_pulled _gently. All the while, his kisses rose higher, and_higher…_

Ino was going mad. She could feel herself going mad. Her legs were shaking, and her throat was making sounds that her mind refused to sanction---for a moment, her body was no longer her own, but _someone else. Some_where _else. _

His tongue was a jolt of electric bliss, but only a tingle. Just the tip…and then a slow spinning motion across the edges of her sex. She knew instinctively that he would reach _it _soon. Something…_good._

He tasted it…lightly. Just that one touch was enough to make her cry out at the top of her voice. She clasped her hands over her mouth in sudden embarrassment. Her second time in two years…really, what else could she expect? She chastised her self mentally, and made a mental reminder to make love to Naruto as often as possible, to balance herself out.

Once again, a touch. She bit her cheek to keep from another outburst.

"Can I play a game with you?" he asked.

"You're not going to break out the whip and paddle now, are you?" she growled throatily.

"No. Well, not unless you want me to. The game I was thinking about was…Alphabet."

His fingers were still moving, caressing her breasts with soft, yet infuriatingly sensual spirals. "_unnhhh…_Bit late to be playing word games, isn't it?"

"Not a word game!" he exclaimed. "I was thinking more…a tongue game. I'll spell the alphabet out on your…hmmm…female-hood? Is that the right word? Let's see if you can last 'till 'Ro'."

The feel of his fingertips on her stiffened nipples left no room for refusal. "Just try it, lover." She moaned."I'll show you just how…_ohhhhh…resilient _I am."

His answer was made clear by his tongue. A hooking, horizontal stroke.

"Ah." he said, muffled by her ecstatic response to his movements.

"Ka." A luxurious hook and downward slash.

"Sa." A wet pair of vertical motions, and a sideways slide.

"Ta" A maddening hook, and a tiny added line.

"Na" a simple, yet impossibly pleasurable cross.

"Ha" two quick, mercilessly sensual vertical licks.

"Ma" Like 'a', but with flair. She almost lost herself at Ma.

"Ya" A cross again, but he added an extra surprise: he fluttered his tongue the entire way. She said something---she couldn't remember exactly what it was she had said. Perhaps it was only babbling; she hoped he wouldn't think her strange because of it.

"Ra" A hooking tongue, and a flat lick.

"Wa" the same hook, plain and unremarkable---save for the fact that Naruto repeated it _twice. _

She thought she would cum. She really did. But Naruto eased off just at the right time…keeping her in a constant state of heightened arousal.

"Cheater." she managed to moan. "You repeated one."

"I got it wrong the first time. I had to try it again."

"Liar."

"Oh fine, yes. But admit it…" he raised himself up to her face, and kissed her softly on her lips. "You loved it."

_His lips tasted…strange. _

Was that what she tasted like, she wondered? Oddly…sweet.

"I did." she admitted. "But it seems I've beaten your little game."

"_Oh, not yet, Miss Bond." _He replied, in his best 'mad scientist' voice. _"For you see, this is only the beginning. You've bested the A's, true, yet…can you defeat the rest of the vowels?! Bwhaha!" _

"Stop it." she commanded. "You do evil voices too well. It almost scares me."

"You should hear me do Tsunade. I can make small children cower from ten miles away."

"Pfft."

"Nicely done so far, love. But I've been going lightly up till now. And I've been using katakana."

"Show me your best." She challenged, narrowing her eyes. She was on the edge of bliss. Just the tip. She wanted to cum so badly…yet the slyly smiling man before her was _teasing _her! "Let's see how much of your reputation you deserve."

"As you wish."

He used hiragana this time. All through the rest of the alphabet. And each time she came close---right on the edge, really, he stopped. Paused, let her ease back down, only to be enflamed by lust once more.

"You're enjoying this!" she said, when they reached 'Oh'--the last letter.

"Yes." he breathed lightly onto her crotch. The wafting hot air sent thrills down her spine.

"What's the big finisher?"

"Oh I don't know. Maybe this." He spelled something out phonetically with his tongue, grinning as she groaned.

She could feel his tongue flitting---without holding back. Each stroke went fast and deep, fluttering. _Flickering. _

"Ai-Shi-teh-Ru." He murmured. "I love you." he gave a grin diabolical enough to grace the face of a fox. "In _kanji."_

His tongue went into headlong acrobatics, somersaulting, flipping, twirling madly to and fro. The complicated characters of the word burned themselves deep into her sex, leaving contrails of blistering heat that she could feel all the way to her fingertips.

Ino erupted. Her hands leapt against his head, and pushed him even closer against her. She was moaning incoherently, loudly, insistently. She shook.

_Burning._

He lifted her legs, even as they trembled violently in the throes of her climax, and tilted his head downwards.

"Oh I'm not quite finished yet, love." laughed Naruto.

The angle had changed. The tongue was faster--and _deeper. _She couldn't feel her legs--only something hot and incredibly powerful pulsing between them. Something that was touched again and again by the slashing motions of his tongue.

_The world was a white sea, and Ino was swept away by the tide…_

He gently extracted himself from her tangle of arms and legs, afterwards. "I win." He whispered, kissing her forehead.

For a full minute, Ino could do nothing but stare dumbly at her ceiling, smiling a wide, silly sort of grin. Coherent thought had, for the moment, fled. "Wha--?" she murmured, dazed.

"I win, I said."

"Buh--the---" she held a hand to her chest and gasped. "Akk."

"Breathe, love." he chuckled. "This is your second time in _how _long_?"_

"mmm…two years…" Ino began dreamily, then gathered the fragmented pieces of her thoughts back together. "Stop--stop--acting so smug!"

"Smug is what I do. Neji's the stoic one. He could be immersed in a field of puppies and still maintain his 'so very constipated' look."

"What," Grabbing his torso in her legs, she pivoted, and threw him face-up on he bed. "Does it take to shut you _up, _you sex-fiend?"

"That was a rather…effective move there."

"I watch a lot of wrestling shows."

"Tomboy."

"_Shut up, _you_." _she leaned in, experimentally kissed his malleable lips, and fiercely purred into his ear; "I don't want you to talk."

He winced. "Oooh. Then what _do _you want?" he flipped her to the bed with a smooth flick of his knee. "And I warn you; I know a few…_wrestling _moves myself."

He was leaning over her, a presence simultaneously intruding and irresistible. She would have been disturbed by his proximity to her, if it weren't for how easily he carried himself. Almost as if his arms belonged around her, and his body was perfectly fit for melding into her own.

"You know exactly what I want."

"No, I don't." He said, tilting his head quizzically. "A ring? A cake?" he sighed. "Women are so hard to understand."

Her irritation piqued, Ino wound herself sinuously through the bed sheets, attempting to throw him off balance again. It failed; he counter-twisted, and leaned in even closer. "You know _exactly_what I want!" she repeated.

His eyes were an echo of her own. Hungry, filled with lust, longing and love. His wiry frame had become immovable to all her craftiest tricks; each was one countered with an infuriatingly sensual physical response. "Hmm. Yes I do."

He had changed. How could she put it----somehow, the pushover aspect of his personality was less prevalent. He was still sly, still a diabolical tease---but this time he had an edge of _predator _as well. Something that sensed what she wanted(perhaps even _needed),_and was all too willing to provide it.

"Then." she hissed urgently into his ear. "What are you waiting for?"

His fingers fondled her sex, asking a ticklish question, causing her to go slick with an embarrassing level of potent arousal. Her legs spread in a quick, plaintive answer.

_A heartbeat…_

_A single breath of calm before a storm…_

And then there was…_fire. _

A lance of sunlight was glowing inside of her stomach. Thrusting--all the way to her _heart, _it felt like. Warm…yet unyielding. An unrelenting passion that went on and on…

Shockwaves drifted up and down her body. A tiny flame in her stomach gathered force, pulling at her groin with the merciless force of an avalanche.

Her rigid fingers clawed grooves into his back. She lost any semblance of reason or control.

All that she knew was that she was on the _edge. _

_Teetering…tottering…_

She cursed. She screamed. She spewed gobbledygook like a lunatic. (Naruto was going to call the men in white coats after this, she feared. Still, it would be worth the price.)

All the while, his hands never stopped roaming, touching, _probing. _

She went over the edge. She went over the edge, screaming and writhing, and shaking uncontrollably, with a body that totally disregarded all her orders. Her mouth met his, her tongue a frenzied tornado--her entire body was _singing _to the melody he composed with his fingers and her body.

The fire flared. Her meaningless chatter stopped dead, overtaken by something too powerful to be given voice. She was totally silent--somehow her throat refused to make any noise at all. A good thing, for if she had given voice to what she felt, she would have shattered windows in the next continent.

Her back arched madly, and her arms fell by her sides, to grasp at handfuls of bedding and shred them with fingers like daggers.

Her toes curled. How long had it been since an orgasm had made her toes_curl?_

Thunder crashed across the ceiling of her room, and rattled about her head, bedazzling her with a thousand points of blissful light. She almost ascended into her _astral form--_something possible only through precise mental concentration and a vast supply of chakra.

And, apparently, a mind-blowing orgasm. _Several. _In consecution._Glorious _consecution.

She'd lost any semblance of control and she knew it.

She couldn't help herself. It just _felt so good!_

She was calling his name. Faintly, at first; the ringing in her ears drowned out everything else. It sounded harsh--alien almost. "Na--ruto…"

Yet his voice, murmuring her own name back into her ear, was unchanged. "Ino, love_…" _

_A heartbeat. _

_Cinnamon and sweat. An odd spice--Naruto's scent. Odd…and delicious._

_Was the room spinning? No, that was just her. And it was hot---like a furnace…no, that was her too. _

And Naruto didn't stop. He didn't tire, or (god forbid), fall instantly asleep with a satisfied and self-serving grin. (Those were the worst kind.)

His eyes were glued to hers, issuing a challenge.

Who, he seemed to be saying, would collapse first?

With a thousand volts of jubilant, unrestrained electricity humming through her veins, she was confident she could take him on as long as he planned to resist.

It was unfortunate for Ino that she forgot Naruto's singular prowess in a singular field. Above his ability to philander, arouse, and even to _cook, _his stamina was remarkable for its seemingly infinite quantity.

In short? He never gave up. Ever. And so…Ino lost their little game.

Not that she was complaining. Some things were worth losing for.

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I received a message from an astute friend that forced me to rethink my sexual approach here.

Naruto and Ino do not use birth protection. Ah-ha! Yes, I am busted. For my sake, can we pretend there is some sort of magical "totally-reliable" contraceptive used by female ninja to thwart possible pregnancies? Otherwise, I'll have to give Naruto a vasectomy. I doubt he'll like that. Ouch.

Directly from my only critical reviewer, it seems; "Pretty good. I'm not sure where you're going now. I skimmed over the cooking part again. No offense but I wasn't very interested in it. Also, Inoichi is Ino's dad. Ino's mom doesn't have an official name but Ive seen Yuka used alot.

The end part was nice. Ive been wondering, where is Sakura in all this? She is conspicuously absent. Oh well."

He is right. And also, frank. Right and frank. You must be popular with the ladies. Well, with a _certain sort _of frankness-loving females, anyway. Most of them do, oddly. Unless they want you to lie to them. You have to watch out for those moments… :P

Anyways. I am a self-described foodie. I love food, and its preparation. The eating I leave to other people. Unless I am feeling decadent. My chapter on food was somewhat rushed. I will not make any whining excuses about why. It just was. Sorry. Very.

As for the name of _Yuka _Yamanaka, ugh. Stupid of me. Terrible apologies.

And to the last; I know the clichéd "Sakura is a bad person and kills everyone" plot. I've seen it a million times. Trust me, she plays into this--but not in the way you think. The plot is going to get darker, just as soon as these lovebirds emerge from their night of wild animal noises. Oh, and grunting. Hah.


	16. THe morning

Next up; the adventures of Naruto and Ino in the tub! I shyed away from bath sex for a bit…had to try it myself first. It's dangerous! Like, as in, lose your footing and you'll be getting a cracked skull instead of an orgasm dangerous!

But it is also very, very fun.

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Love was a wild, uncontrollable force for Ino.

Other women talked of tame first meetings, of mediocre nights of listless sex, of meeting the loves of their lives, without feeling a twinge of soul-stirring passion…and they seemed content. Ino could never figure out why. In her entire life, it had never occurred to her that she should seek anything other than total bliss. In her entire life, she had never "half" fallen in love.

Love, after all, was something that you had to feel_completely. _

It was easy to sleep with men. She'd made her share of mistakes after Chouji's…actions. Drowning away all her pain with booze and one night-stands, she'd slept with a dozen unremembered faces without ever considering them her _lovers. _Not one. And each time: dull. Dull and numb, as if her body knew exactly what her soul was trying to hide, and let it bubble to the surface in an unending slew of opportune "friends-with-benefits."

It was terrifying, how close you could come to oblivion's edge. To lose yourself in vice, and succumb to the inviting blackness of drink and pity-sex. Two months of angry, hurt self destruction, had taken more than twenty four to heal.

She hadn't had sex for two years. But she hadn't made _love _in an _eternity_.

And now, all of a sudden, there was Naruto. The breezy, easygoing charmer; a playboy in every respect. A man who, if past experience was to be trusted, couldn't stay with one woman any more than Tsunade could stop drinking, or Kakashi could stop reading his damnable pornographic novels.

_But she loved him. _

She loved him…

Why?

Was it his eyes? The icy blue chips of frozen crystal that swallowed her in unplumbed, and piercing depths?

His tongue? His beautiful prose, his singular wit?

No. Not at all. What she loved most of all, longed for most of all, was when he…

"Kiss me." she whispered, forcefully. "Na-ru-t..._mmmpph. Mmm._"

He heard and he obeyed. His tongue tasted hers, as if her lips were sweeter than honey…as if each kiss might be their last.

She loved that.

And now, together with him, she couldn't _stop._She knew it was best to pace herself--to savor everything, to_feel _everything as best she could.

But she couldn't. She threw herself into his embrace, using every muscle, expending all the energy she could muster, writhing furiously with every sinuous stroke of his hips.

And every time she came, she flew higher. High, to another world, with stars that went on forever…

It was a heady rush, and perhaps too much to take in one go. Her vision dimmed by degrees, first into shadow, then into a murky darkness.

How many hours had it been? She hadn't been keeping track. How many times? She couldn't remember. Perhaps it had only been one: one long, luxurious orgasm stretched across the whole of a night…

But the night was coming to an end.

_Everything was going black…_

She resisted it. Sleep was not going to get the better of her. Exhaustion would not triumph. Not when she was so high, felt so _wonderful…_

_Nighty night. _Her pillows whispered. _Nighty night. _

_Nighty night._

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_Trreeeet!Treeerrteeettreeee…_

_Treeeet.TreetTweooorrrrt_

Birds were singing madly in the light of dawn.

It was the start of a brand new day. More drudgery at the office, before going off on another mission (equally as monotonous).

Yawning sleepily, Ino twisted her legs to shrug off her pajamas…

_She wasn't wearing any. _

Her bare thighs brushed against each other, tickling her nether regions decadently. Her covers were quilted, and soft.

It felt nice to sleep…unfettered…by clothing. Though she rarely indulged, of course. She liked the guilty feeling that accompanied sleeping unclothed. Too often, and it stopped being fun.

The reason for her current state of undress puzzled her for a good minute of her morning.

Not much longer than that; Naruto's attentions were hard to forget. The heady buzz between her legs was proof.

He was sleeping. His face was simply lying there, smooth and peaceful in the morning sun. A lazy frown puckered his face for a few seconds before passing like a summer breeze.

"Mmmmhph." he moaned. "Is it daytime already?"

"Unfortunately." she sighed. "Another day, another dollar, as they say. It's off to work with the both of us." she cocked her head. "Er…last night is kind of blurry. Did I…?"

"You fainted." he yawned. "Just near the end. You pushed yourself too far, love." he smiled lightly as she lay her head on his chest. "Sorry. My fault, of course."

Things moved very slowly in those first few moments after waking up. Ino relaxed and enjoyed the ponderous beat of his heart. It was just like_ another _rhythm she had experienced moments before---long, held-out strokes followed by a quick contraction.

"All your fault." she agreed. "I am _most_upset." She tried squeezing her legs together experimentally. The tickling, tingling sensation spread to her stomach. "You are a_dastard_, sir. You ought to be ashamed."

"Oh, I am." her lover sighed woefully. "Shame shame shame shame, that's me."

"You're a bad liar. What's more, you're sticky."

"Well, so are you."

She was glued to his biceps. Her entire bed smelled like sweat, and…sex. It would have to be washed.

Then again, maybe not. Maybe she would keep the sheets, and breathe in the heady scent of a dozen brilliant climaxes…

Disgusting. Before she could sink too far into the murky world of sexual deviance--(naruto's world)--she resolved to take a bath.

Ino mentally measured the distance between her bedroom and the bathroom. Too far, too cold…and the tub was lonely when she bathed alone.

But she had a plan.

"Bath?" She asked.

Naruto put a finger on his cheek. "Hmm…only if I get to wash you."

"I'll think about it." Ino purred. She shed the covers, and stood up slowly. Every step sent a warm shiver through her thighs.

She swayed her hips, provoking him, as she walked into her bathroom. Her nipples stiffened in the cold air, still swollen, still extended high into the air like a pair of slightly-embarrassing flags. Flags that said; "I want more. Now._Now._"

She felt tempted to caress them, just to recapture the feeling…but she refused give Naruto the satisfaction.

Yet, anyways.

Early morning sex was the best kind, after all.

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_Water-splash._

_Warmth all-around. From the water, and from…_

_Him. _

Ino had a fairly large bathtub. She liked to wash herself in comfort--who didn't? For a one-person tub, it was actually quite roomy.

_As a two-person tub…_

Things got a bit cramped. She and Naruto ended up touching at nearly every juncture of their bodies---which suited her just fine. She loved the bare feel of his skin on her skin. And his musculature…

Though he was taller than she was, Ino never felt physically overpowered by Naruto. His wiry frame, coupled with his aura of gentlemanly perversion, emanated no hostility whatsoever.

That was a dangerous illusion. She'd seen him fight, seen what his seemingly-slight frame was capable of when faced with opponents twice his number and size.

And she'd been on the receiving end as well. Last night…

Well. He _did _know how to throw his weight around. _All _around.

Ino found herself fascinated by his physique. His biceps were bigger than hers, for one. His chest was more rigidly defined. She tried toying with his nipples to no effect.

"Nice try." He burbled. "But be careful not to dish out what you can't take." he toyed with hers in turn.

She tried to bite her lips, but his tongue reached them first. Did she cum? Everything was so warm…so _good. _She really couldn't tell.

"I _hate that." _she growled, after another one of his teasingly-soft, infuriatingly arousing kisses; after another perfectly-executed tongue-thrust that sent lightning through her skull.

"Hate what?"

"What you men can do to us. Toy with us, play with us." she traced her fingertips over the surface of the bath-water. "It's like you've got us in the palms of your hands."

"I'd say it's fair." Naruto breathed into her ear. "Every-when else, I'm in the palm of _your_hands, love."

His fingers quested along her shower-rack until her found something soft and squishy. Her bath sponge. "W-what are you doing?" Ino began, as he applied body wash to it in liberal amounts.

"You did promise." he teased. "I get to wash you, remember?"

"Do a good job at least." she dismissed, trying to keep up an air of reluctance. In truth, the thought of his soap-slick hands gliding about her body---_into_her body, excited her more than she could bear.

"Roger, captain."

His hands spread, his fingers once again engaged themselves in doing what they did best. This time he moved slow.

Then _fast. _

Then slow.

It was the perfect pace for bath-time sex. Into the water, out of the water, slippery and erotic all at once---Ino was in paradise.

It was a simple kind of bliss, this. Sitting in the tub, building up to what would most likely be the most _relaxed_orgasm she'd ever gone through. Laughing, at times. Naruto was almost as good at tickling as he was at sex.

His fingers stroked lightly along her abdomen, wiggling frenetically every now and again. Just to make her laugh. Not to be outdone, his tongue tickled the outer edges of her sex, mingling her bath-water with…other liquids.

"Hah--ah…nn_hhahhh…oh"_Ino was assaulted by simultaneous forces; intense eroticism and simple laughter. Together…they were _twice_as effective.

And Naruto seemed to be enjoying it just as much as she was, if his sanguine Cheshire-Cat grin was anything to go by.

In one of his unguarded moments, she leaned into his neck, and kissed him. She made sure to leave a mark, for later. It was only a moment afterwards that she realized she'd done it with a bit more force than necessary.

"Oww. Banshee!" he exclaimed, in mid-stroke. (He'd already moved to her thighs, slicking them with soap, then kissing them lightly after he'd washed them clean. _Fantastic._) "What was that for?"

"You're mine." she growled. "Forever-and-ever."

"I know that." he laughed.

Ino sniffed. "Well, now the world knows too."

"I had no idea you were so…possessive."

Ino turned over., now lying above him, face-to face. "Oh, there are quite a lot of things you don't know about me. For example;" she grabbed a shower bag, and pulled it tight over his wrists, tying them together tightly. She hooked the stray line to the handle of her shower-door. "I'm jealous. I actually deal with feelings of acute insecurity. Often, I take my insecurities out on my opponents. My favorite drink is a good Pinot-Noir. And I like my men…_immobile."_

"As a man, I have to say--I'm terrified of you, love." Naruto shifted his hands, and frowned as the bag failed to come loose. "Nice knot, this one. Were you in the girl scouts? Nnngh." He pulled. The bag stayed firm.

"That's a sex toy." Ino snickered. "You can use it as a shower bag, or whatever. It's best use, though, is for tying up unruly men. I have it on loan from Tenten."

"Lucky for Neji." Naruto grumbled.

Ino grinned. "_It looks like our positions are reversed, Dr. Naruto." _she said suavely. "_Give it up. No one beats Ino Bond in the game of sex."_

"Hey that wasn't bad!"

"I watch a lot of spy movies too." Ino cocked her head. "Waittaminute. Tell me, have you ever done it in the bath?"

"Not in the _bath, _no." Naruto admitted. "What gave me away?"

"Oh…little things. I just put them together now."

"_What _little things?"

"The way you hold me. Lightly, as if you're afraid I'll slip. And you're not using _nearly_enough soap."

"No?"

"No. I like my baths to be _slippery."_She shivered intentionally, thrilling herself with his body. "But you wouldn't know that." the grin she gave her lover was ferociously malefic, almost evil. "_Bath-virgin._Ino nee-san will teach you everything, yeah?"

"Please be gentle." Naruto whimpered sarcastically.

"Not a chance." She sneered. She raked her teeth against his chest, lecherously. Claimingly. With his arms securely tied, there was nothing he could do, either.

She leaned over him, her hair falling down in a flaxen cascade, her body wet and soapy against his.

"The bath water will get dirty." he complained.

"Oh, suck it up you big baby." She pulled out the soap bottle and twisted her hips brutally. "I'll help you forget it all."

_And the water went "splash!"_

He was right though. They had to take another bath, afterwards.

This time, she washed him.

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--------------------------------

My metaphors for sex are very flamboyant. My girlfriend really laughed at the word "Lance of sunlight." Not being a girl, I have no idea what it _actually _feels like. I rely on input from women. Forgive me, but aside from _actually having sex with a man,_"lance of sunlight" is the best I can do.

Mind you, maybe I ought to try it at least once. They do seem to have more fun.Clubbing, dressing themselves well, speaking in high-pitched voices. 0.o

Hah. I jest.

Now, I ask women that I know questions about sex. (Surprisingly, if you say that you're doing it to improve your girlfriends' sex life, they'll spill quite a bit) And when "It feels like a big, meaty thing probing your insides, don't even get me started on the arse---" doesn't cut it, I ignore their input, and make summat up.

"Big meaty thing…." shudder Someone actually said that to me, once.

I'm _still _trying to figure out whether or not she was joking.

-----------------

And as an aside, a small window into my insane sex-mad mind.

When a woman sleeps around, she is a slut?

When a man sleeps around he is a playboy?

No, I can't reconcile the two. Frankly, with condoms and contraceptives and all, sex is sex. Either make up the word Man-slut, or Play-girl, because what's good for the goose is good for the gander, and both of them must…er…work together or something. Am I right?

I…I don't quite remember why I wrote that.

Carrying on! The next chapter will come in sometime less than two weeks. It will be on headier topics, like friendly rivalry between playboys, and how to assuage the drudgery of the office. With _sex. _The logistics of kage bunshin have fascinated me for quite some time now...

Don't look at me like that! I'm just that kind of guy!


	17. Prelude To a Conclusion

And to counter the sex scene, a study into death, and the psychology of playboys.

------------------------------------

The dead….

Where do they go?

There is the darkness. It is deep, and at times, it is wide. It spans forever, across a backdrop of nothing; it is a place of rainy-days and funerals, and _terror. _There is no color there, only a few souls, pressed flat against a terrible, tepid gray…

Something moved within.

It had made its first, tentative motions only days before. Sentiment…what remained of…_feelings. _It had failed. It had been…_repelled. _

Human emotion. A repulsive, dangerously attractive thing. The dead do not lose it when they pass away.

To the contrary; the keep it. Memories of times that they had once. Once, yet never again….

This one--this newly re-killed soul, his hands black with murderer's blood, his eyes a filthy blood-red. What did he see?

The living world, just beyond his reach. Golden hair, and sparkling eyes, twirling around in an office chair…round and round…

-------------------------------------------

Tardiness was a crime.

Ino knew this only because Tsunade had beaten it into her. Not _physically, _not as such, but with her fierce, world-spanning voice.

The walls had actually _shaken._

Naruto had been sent out to an affiliate office to pick up paperwork. Ino had been given a splendid hour-long lecture on why personal relations ought never to interfere with office-work. Then she had been assigned to five-hours overtime.

Her cubicle was small…

But she shared it with Tenten, who had also been…late. For reasons similar to her own.

There were no words exchanged between them. Only occasional glances at each other---at frizzy, unstraightened shower-hair, at the ruddy color in each other's cheeks…and blushes.

Tenten raised her fingers. One finger…two, three, four…ten, then out again. Thirteen, total. She raised an eyebrow at her friend.

_Thirteen times. And you?_

Ino thought. She raised a singe finger. Tenten frowned.

Then Ino wiggled all of her fingers at once, and shrugged.

_One…or a million. Who keeps track?_

With a grin, Tenten finally spoke. "We have the best boyfriends ever."

"_I _do. Neji is iffy."

"Neji is perfect. It's Naruto who's iffy."

"I'll believe that when I see it."

Neji passed by at blurring speed, his usual hyuuga attire traded for a sharp business suit. Every button was polished, each thread of his lapel carefully tucked. His silky hair was brushed and tied behind his head.

Even his shoes were polished! Who polished their shoes, in this day and age?

He gazed regally at Tenten, slightly less so at Ino, and ran on. His lope was dignified, and crisp. He was one of the few noble men who could run at breakneck speeds and _still _retain composure.

Not a step behind him was Naruto. His own business suit was slung across his shoulder, and his collar was unbuttoned, allowing his tie to fly behind him at a jaunty angle. His hair was perfectly tousled, (Ino had done that.), his casual attire disarmingly dashing. A complete, dangerously sexy opposite to Neji's stifled businessman.

He winked at the two of them as he ran past.

"..alright." Ino admitted. "Neji might be just as good."

"Naruto…could be a keeper." Tenten acceded.

"Really, it's just too bad they hate each other's guts."

"I _know, _huh_?"_

_-----------------------------------------------_

Tsunade tried to keep her fragile calmness…well, _calm,_in the face of adversity.

When two infuriatingly narcissistic male ninja were verbally dueling in her office, though, even Shizune had a hard time keeping her in check.

"I wish to protest the unfair confinement of Tenten, due to…"

"Listen, baa-chan. We've known each other a long time, right? So, maybe you could cut Ino some slack here…"

"…Naruto's casual approach seems to be irritating you ma'am. Rest assured, I shall have Shizune escort him out…"

"Sir Stuck-Up seems to be bothering you with platitudes. Want me to show him the door?"

Tsunade massaged her temples until she thought they would burst. "Both of you. Would you please, _please _just_SHUT UP?!"_

Neji fell over. Naruto stayed standing, by the grace of a nearby desk.

"Wow." he muttered. "She really _can_shake the floor."

"I am thrilled that you two care so much about your girlfriends." The deceivingly youthful Hokage crossed her arms. "Obviously you like them. _We've established this. _But could we get the point, please."

"I brought Sake." Naruto blurted.

"I saw fit to bring a…" Neji paused. "Wait, you as well?"

"Very well," Tsunade nodded. "Two bottles in one day. And both Umi-brand! Very good taste, boys."

"Oh dear god." Shizune coughed from the shadows of the office. "Thank you, dynamic duo. You've made my job this much harder."

"Sorry Shizu." Naruto soothed. "I'll set you up on a date with Kakashi as payment."

"Kakashi? Isn't he...er...into musical theater? Locked in the closet? That is to say, gay?"

"No, just very open with men. He doesn't sleep with them. At least…I don't _think_ he sleeps with them. We're buddies. I think I'd know."

"I will set the both of you up in my summer estate." Neji added. "It is a beautiful place by the sea. I am sure you will enjoy it."

"Wonderful to know." Shizune groaned. "If I ever escape this old hellion, I have someplace nice to go."

"Watch it, missy." Tsunade growled. "Now, gentlemen, I'll take those bottles. Then I will ascend to the balcony, and _no one." _she glared pointedly at Shizune. "Will intrude." she paused. "And to answer your inevitable questions, your counterparts are…off the hook, so to say."

"Thanks." Naruto smiled. It was playful and sincere---he was very good at them.

"I thank you." Nejo bowed. Collected and cool, he was truly a prince, in the modern day.

--------------------

----------------------

Outside the office was quite a different scene. Neji grabbed Naruto by the neck, and pinned him against a wall.

"You _beast." _He snarled. "You gave Tenten something last night. Something…foul. I can feel it. Confess!"

"Blood-of-the-sea. Liquor, distilled from foreign fruits, rainwater from the high-ocean, and just a hint of jellyfish sting. For a kick."

"She slipped some into my drink when I came home last night! I…can't remember what happened after that. All due to you!"

"Ah yes. That would be the _second_effect of blood-of-the-sea. Intense inebriation, and, um…its also an aphrodisiac. Only for men, though. I thought it would be okay to give her. Obviously she's cleverer than I gave her credit for."

"What if I..." Neji's pale face took on the tiniest hint of crimson. "What if I hurt her? I wouldn't be able to live with myself."

"You?! You couldn't hurt a woman if your were drugged up, drunk, _and _hypnotized. Plus, Tenten's a big girl. If you got too rough she'd knock you out cold."

Neji sighed. "This village has birthed a monster. And I'm _not _talking about that creature you have stowed away in your chest." He turned green. "Blood of the sea..._disgusting._"

"Well, it's good stuff. You've got to take it in small amounts, but still good stuff. Better than Umi-brand sake."

"Indeed." Neji chortled. "How does the old bear-queen manage to drink the stuff? It's practically _medicinal."_

"You're kidding right?" Naruto frowned. "Oh…right…she's still---No, she doesn't drink it."

Neji's brows furrowed. "Tsunade. She doesn't drink. Pfft. Pull the other leg, as you street types say."

"She made a promise. I guess she's been hiding it of late."

"A promise? To whom?"

"Someone, a long time ago. And today's kind of special to her…"

------------------------------------------------------------------

------------------------------------------------------------------

On the tallest spire of the Konoha towers, Tsunade carted out a bottle of Umi-Brand sake. She did it alone.

Carefully, she poured herself a cup, and set it down on the concrete roofing.

"Your favorite brand." She whispered to the wind. "Disgusting, brash, and addictive, just like yourself." she sighed. "I miss you."

With an easy hand, she tipped the cup, and threw the liquor into the sky. "Drink up, you old lecher. Don't mind the wait. This old lady will be up to see you soon."

She gazed longingly at the rest of the bottle. "Promises promises." she muttered. "One little sip couldn't hurt."

The wind kicked up into an indignant roar, and toppled the bottle with dreadful force.

For a moment, Tsunade could _swear _she felt a ghostly presence grope her breasts.

"You old pervert." She laughed. "Happy birthday!"

And she tossed the bottle off the building's edge.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Life was such a happy, happy thing. So bright. So…pretty. But it was a door forever shut, to the dead.

He had been One. Now he was still One, but Many lived inside him. Fat-one, monkey-one, smoke-one. He couldn't keep track. Thanks to _her. _Thanks to the woman-with-the-pink-hair-woman-with-the-black-hair. Woman with the dead eyes.

Was she Many too? Sometimes she was One-person. Sometimes she was No-Person.

He loved her for bringing him back. He hated her for bringing him back.

He wanted to die. He'd already died. Twice. He had to try again, had to try again, had to try again…

_Oh brother, oh Itachi! If only I had known what it would cost to kill you…_

_The snake within, the snake within, how much is me, and how much is him?_

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No particular comment on this one. Oh, but I guess I've been doing some confusing things with the narrative lately, and that's pissing people off. I'll edge away from this stream of consciousness stuff so I can give a proper backstory and all that. I've just about worked out the math of it. Betrayal, two months of binging, two years of recovery, so-on and so-forth. I'm not too great in the planning department. I envy those other authors who can line up a story from start to finish.


	18. And Now A Quick Announcement

-1Sorry, no new Chapter yet. There was just something that I thought had to be addressed, and thus, I shall address it here.

Two chapters ago, I was overly vague on my classification of Slut/Nonslut. Having consumed my morning coffee, and straightening out the crinkly edges of my zany little brain, I'll try to take another crack at it.

First, a reference post. I really am sorry he feels so strongly about this, but what can I do?

-----------------------------------------------------

"Damn the story is ruined you made Ino a sl-t. I hate that. Anyways it was a good story till then and it saddens me that I shall quit reading. In my opinion a woman who sleeps with a man she doesn't love is a sl-t and not deserving of love. Just letting any guy she meets defile her body is unacceptable. And I can't see how guys can be content with being with a woman who's a sl-t I mean knowing there have been multiple men totally undeserving inside her would drive me away instantly. Anyways making Ino a sl-t was stupid sorry but it was and I don't want to read about a sl-tty chick. Now I know your crushed at losing one reader...not but alas I felt I should say I'm gone farewell."

---------------------------------------------------

Sir, no offense, but you are _wrong. _

And now, a lecture. Tolerate it at your own risk.

What is the main difference between men and women? Men _score. _Women_Make mistakes. _

Men are allowed to have one-night stands. Women are ridiculed, subjected to indignities that I won't even _begin_ to describe. Men can make mistakes. Their friends will tall them things like "Oh, good job breaking up with her, mate. She was a real bitch, that one."

Women? They get to face men like the one above. Met a guy? Didn't like him? Slept with him, but broke up? Sorry, luv. You've defiled the temple that is your body, whatever the hell that's supposed to be. You're off my sex-list, because I totally have to right to arbitrarily decide who is and isn't pure.

No, alright? _Fucking no. _

I feel strongly about this, yeah. For good reason. I won't go into details, but when someone in love gets hurt, they fall, and they fall_hard. _And they make mistakes. All sorts of mistakes, and, pardon me, but I really don't think that anyone has the right to judge them for it.

The character in question is fictional. However, too many people who I know have gone through the real thing. Don't start making those chauvinist, faux-chivalric statements without thinking. I can't stand it.

It boils down to a weird pattern I've found. Which Naruto girl you like the most. There are the Hinata guys, and the Sakura/Ino guys. Some want the quiet, shy girl who obsesses over you. The one who'll do whatever you say, all the time. The nice virgin whose _yours, _all _yours,_forever.

The rest just want a normal chick. Hah, that was chauvinist, right there. Any feminists among you, feel free to visit my house and chop me up with an axe. No, I won't give you my address. Use your terrifying female hack-ery to trace my IP…if you can. :P

Real woman argue. Real women won't talk to you for days at a time when you say something stupid to them. They sulk when you forget the anniversary of your first date. They pretend to be angry when you buy them jewelry, because of the blood-diamond trade, but you know they're actually really glad you bought them something. Real woman can do whatever the heck they want with their bodies without "defiling" them. Christ! I bet you've had sex at least once. How "defiled" are you?

Hinata is a nice enough character. She's the typical teen. Not confident in herself, wanting someone _bold _and _strong, _and _confident _to help her become a big girl. It's easy to think; "Oh, I'm big, bold, and confident! I could take care of her!" But she doesn't exist. You have to remember that.

God, I sound _just _like my literature professor. \ o / Oh noes! Forgive me!

And before I go, I also want to respond to a few clever poster. Why should the squeaky wheel get all the grease, heh?

To Namikaze777. Not having sex for two years and then having sex twice over the course of a few days is kind of a big deal. Think in general time. (Or that's my excuse, anyways. I just wanted to add that in to increase the quality of the lemon. Ah well, at least the lemon turned out okay, right?)

To Hugo Reed. I felt it, yeah. Reading over it again made me wince. But ret-conning it now would be a bit like cheating. So i'll just redouble my efforts into the next chapter, and try to make one that all you reader can enjoy. Teachers and students alike, hopefully.

Remember guys (and girls). I am the experiment. You are the scientists. Much like a human guinea pig, I am doing tricks for your amusement, in hopes of learning how to do them better. So if the style shifts from time to time...don't fret. It's just me, doing what I do best.

Akalae out.

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Ahhh! To Tenchudarkapostle---my review was cut short. I accidentally pressed enter--and the site only allows one review per chapter. If my review seems unecessarily rude that's because I'm a butterfingers with...well...buttery...fingers. Oh dear. The rest of the review is supposed to go:

But I can tell you this. If you want to write a good story, you have to start with grammar. Before you do anything else---so much as a word---make sure that your quotation marks are sound, that your commas are firmly in place,that your periods are locked, stocked, and battle-ready.

I really hope he reads this. Otherwise I sound like a dick.


	19. A General Atmosphere of Relaxed Fun

I am moving to a new Microsoft Word Edition. I hope this will reduce the annoying blends in my italics. If not…life is life, no?

Before you read this chapter, please accept my assurances that I am, in fact, a _man. _Not a woman, not a girl pretending to be a guy. I just have a girlfriend who beat chivalry into me with a pointed stick. One with _nails _in it. Nails of feminine rhetoric!

I thought I had made my gender obvious, but there seems to be some confusion….

And in case Tenchudarkapostle did not receive my last message;

Your plot is intriguing. Your grammar, however, is atrocious. Typos are alright. Laziness is not. A story is like a battleship—without proper arms, it is doomed to sink.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

The old toad had been a fact of life for years.

Like a mountain made of perversion, drink, and the occasional bout of smutty humor, he'd laid waste to thousands of bars, out-whored legions of male escorts, and lived life to the absolute fullest that any man could live it to. He had died with no regrets—even his death had been a major blow to the enemy.

He's written books. He'd had sex, _while free-falling from a mountain. _(if his stories were to be believed). Sailors the world over revered him as the foulest-mouthed man ever to sail the seas.

So Naruto viewed the geezer's birthday not as a mourning of his death, but as a celebration of the life the lucky old bastard had led.

This involved going out on the town with anyone who had ever known him, and paying respects in a manner that would make him proud--that is to say, getting smashed at every bar in town, and partying until the break of dawn.

Tsunade, Naruto, Ino (who'd come because she wanted to), Tenten (more or less the same), Neji (who didn't want his beloved to be alone with a sex-fiend like Naruto), the list numbered in the hundreds by the end of the day.

The bars gave out drinks at ridiculously low prices, in honor of the man who had cleaned out their establishments more times that could be counted. Every drunk in the city had a story to tell of him. Not always good ones, mind you, but each one made him seem a bit less _dead, _and a bit more _alive._

"I ever tell you of the time he managed to defeat three enemy ninja—--buck naked? Some girl had stolen all his clothes so he broke their spines with his _bare hands--"_

"_--killed _a dinosaur. Brought it back from the dead I tell you, and killed it with a pointy stick. Don't ask me how."

"—Once saw him impregnate a woman, just with his _eyes…"_

"Cor! Really?"

It was as if the old man were right there, smiling along with them.

"_Never wanna give you up." _Crooned Kakashi, in a karaoke bar. Shizune, intrigued by such an obvious opportunity, sang right beside him.

"She realizes that he's tone deaf, right?" Ino smiled, toying with her liquor glass.

"Her voice more than makes up for it." Naruto replied. "Want to have a go, love?"

"Why not?" Ino downed her gin-and-tonic in a gulp. (She _lusted _for a good dry wine, but who drank wine at a party?) "If I can't out-fight you, out-sex you, or even out-drink you, I can at least out-sing you."

"Shall we, then?"

And Ino _was_ a better singer. Naruto's voice was raw but strong—a perfect support to her clear tenor. He had some talent—but he used it all for her benefit.

They went through "Twist and shout", by the Kabutos (a famous western band, apparently.) It was followed by a splendid rendition of "Ob-la-dee, Ob-la-da,", "Help" and "Konnichiwa-Sayonara".

"I've-just-seen-a-face-I-can't-forget-the-time-or-place-where-we-just-met-she's-just-the-girl-for-me-and-I-want-all-the-world-to-see-we've-met-Mmm-hm-mmmhmm." Sang Ino, at a blurring speed. "Had-it-been-another-day-aargh." She bit her tongue, and fell over laughing.

"I might have looked the other way, and I'd have never been aware, but as it is I'll dream of her tonight, dai-dai-dai-na-na-nai…" Naruto covered. "Falling, yes I am falling, but she keeps calling…me back again!" then he succumbed to laughter as well, collapsing next to Ino.

The song finished with a flourish of guitar strumming. All the gathered partygoers burst into applause.

"You see? Naruto gasped. "They love us."

"We're veritable pop Idols, the two of us."

Naruto led Ino offstage by the hand, giving way to Konohamaru and a very self-conscious Hanabi. The brash young ninja carried himself with total confidence, and spun his partner out onto the stage. They blasted out several rock songs, with aplomb. At the climax of "I can't stand losing you" by Bumble-Bee, he leaned in to give her an awkward, but riveting kiss.

"Suave!" Ino approved. "He can't have learned that on his own."

"Er…"

"You're teaching perverted young men how to get into the hearts of women, aren't you?"

"Sometimes. Konohamaru's the only one who really gets it. All my other students just wanted to have sex with their women. He's in it for the utter enjoyment he gets from being with the fairer sex. He likes women, in general."

"Wom_en?_ Plural?"

"You lot are so fun to be around." Naruto nodded. "Girls know how to party. Guys just sit around and drink."

"But Hanabi…she loves that brat?"

" As much as he loves her. Young love…ah. Look! They're loving the hell out of each other!"

The onstage kiss had erupted into a flurry of groping and pubescent moaning. "Get a room!" Ino suggested, and winked at the lucky boy. Konohamaru blinked rapidly. Obviously he was at a loss to what came next.

Naruto mimed kissing Hanabi's forehead, then putting out an elbow, and walking her out. Which is exactly what Konohamaru did, after a few seconds of interpretation.

"She's legal age, right?" Ino drawled to Naruto. "Please tell me she is, or I'll be guilty forever-and-ever."

"They're twenty-two, both of them! They were never much younger than us, you know."

"Ah. So _technically _we could be just as promiscuous as them."

Naruto gave her a stern glare. "Do you _want_me to make love to you in front of all these people?"

It was entirely possible that he was serious. It was easy to picture him unzipping her pants subtly, in the crowded room, and carefully slipping his fingers into her panties…

She knew the capabilities of those fingers. Those amazing fingers…

But it was wrong. She had to tell herself that, or she would become the newest spectacle of the party--something she didn't want to be just yet.

She retracted everything. "Ah…hypothetically, I meant. _Hypothetically _we could be promiscuous."

"Only hypothetically? How disappointing."

She ordered another Gin and Tonic and drank it hastily. Naruto was getting her hot and bothered all over again.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

At one point in the night, the festive air came to an unexpected halt.

A balding, middle age man who introduced himself only as Byo, approached her while Naruto was away.

"Drinking again, Mrs. Yamanaka? That's not good. You've always done such stupid things while drunk."

Ino wasn't drunk, not really. A few drinks couldn't do that to her. But she recognized the voice from…_somewhere, _and stiffened.

"You seem happy with your new beau." The man continued. His rotund cheeks wobbled with his words. "But a good friend of mine tells me you're actually quite the woman-around-town! If you don't want your dear boy there to find out, how about making a small agreement with me?"

"I'm trying to enjoy myself here." Ino muttered, helping herself to another draught of…whatever it was she was drinking. She wasn't keeping track anymore.

"Well, you're boyfriend won't be, if I tell him the tale of Ino the slut. Why not leave him…just for a few minutes? What I need won't take much longer than that, not if you're as good as I've heard. I've always wanted to do a ninja." He noticed the empty glass. "Ah yes. Barkeep! Another drink for this beautiful young lady." He grinned patronizingly, exposing rows of yellow, crooked teeth. "On me."

There was a knot in her throat that Ino couldn't dispel. "He wouldn't be bothered with what you have to say. Just…leave me alone. I don't know what you heard, but that was a long time ago…"

"Welllll…these things last for a long time. A tiger never changes its stripes, as they say. And you'd better hurry. Lover boy is coming back."

"Problem, love?" Naruto asked. "Want me to take c**a**re of him?"

"Listen to me first, my friend. You may not know this, but this woman is actually a foul slut of the lowest caliber. Not two years ago, she was insinuating herself with all sorts of men. My type of men. See, it seems that we lower-class types are more attractive than you…arrogant what-have you's." the man's eyes gleamed with malicious delight. "Well? Will you still have her? Or will you give her to me? Trash to trash, as they say."

The blonde man and the fat man--both stood very silent, and very still. Ino was apprehensive. Naruto wouldn't mind, she told herself fervently. He wouldn't. He…

Oh who was she kidding? Like every other man, he'd run away with his tail between his legs.

"I'm sorry, did you say something?" Naruto asked, cocking his ear.

The man frowned. "I said--"

"I hear something, you see. And I am feeling so good, that I am tuning it out. That's a good thing for you, my friend. It means that you have some time--just a little bit, but enough—to run like hell. As fast as you can, as far as you can. Wherever you are by the time you stop, find a nearby hole, duck inside, and pray, _pray _that I don't find you. It won't do you much good though, because I _will find you. _Just as soon as I'm done with this party, I'll kill you."

"I don't think you fully appreciate how low this woman is! She's been with dozens of men! Dozens of them!"

"Do you want me to break his arms love?" said a very exasperated Naruto. "Then his legs, shortly followed by his skull? Or would you like the honors?"

"No—he's…" Ino looked down into her glass. Sherry. She'd been drinking sherry. "He's right." She whispered to her cup, ashamed. "I've…made mistakes."

"Mistakes?" Naruto asked. Ino imagined that he sounded angry.

Snickering, the fat man slipped away. He'd done this before, to women like her. Come back in ten minutes, and they were ripe for the plucking. And other –ucking related verbs.

"I--Chouji had just died!" Ino burst out desperately. "I didn't know what to do! Enough men, enough booze--it could make me forget! It made all the pain go away! Like--like a hiding-place from the world. Even if it was disgusting, even if it made me want to puke at night. Just forgetting was enough…" her voice dropped to a whisper. "I thought you would be different. I thought you would at least--but no. You're just like the others. Go on then. Run. I'm high-maintenance, emotionally-baggaged second-class trash. Wait… on second thought, why not? I can give you a farewell f--"

"_Don't you dare!"_ Roared Naruto.

"…what?"

He grabbed her tightly, with enough pressure to send all the air whooshing out of her lungs in a great gasp. "You sound terrible. Guilty, and spiteful, hating yourself, hating everything you've ever done. Don't you dare talk about yourself like that."

"This is who I _am_. I'm…filthy. So filthy that even scum won't have me!"

"No. You're drunk. You're a bit unsettled. You're frightened, so frightened of what I'll think of you that you've decided to push me away, so you won't be disappointed." He pressed his mouth to her lips to keep her from interjecting. "No. Listen to me. If you're really so afraid, then let me tell you something." He closed his eyes, and whispered into her ear; "I love you. I'll love you forever. When you're hurt, or sad, or cross, I don't know what to do. I'd love you, even if you hated me. I'll love you until our universe collapses into a supermassive black-hole, billions of years from now. If ever I die, I'll haunt you for the rest of my days, loving you beyond the afterlife."

"T-hat l-last one w-was…kind of c-creepy." Ino sobbed. Tears. How long had it been since she shed real tears? Not from sex, not because she'd been hurt in battle, but because someone had touched something that she'd walled off inside herself?

"I can't help myself." Her lover's eyes crinkled. "I get a little obsessive around you."

"S-Stalker."

"Doubter."

"Playboy."

"Bondage-girl."

_Sniff _"Only because I love tying up that body of yours, Naruto."

"Only because you can't resist me, Ino."

And just like that, things were happy again. Playful banter replaced hurt melancholy. Kiba, with a business tie cinched around his head, chased after a trio of drunk girls from the local college. Akamaru watched with a disapproving canine air. Kakashi, in a drunken stupor, completely failed to notice how close Shizune was getting to him. Snuggling and so-on.

Ino danced with the only partner she cared to dance with.

Naruto was truly hers, forever. Until then, Ino had thought it, spoken it, but never believed it. Now she could. He'd taken the final step—the one leap of faith that no-one else had ever attempted with her. He _loved her. _He really meant it.

She could have died right then, with no regrets.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Meanwhile, the fat, sweaty Byo snuck towards the exit, frowning at the dismal failure of his plan. "Trust" he muttered. "Its trust that leaves men like me out in the cold, when they should be out with a dozen easy wenches. Pah."

"How you doing handsome?" an attractive blonde girl appeared from the crowd. "Someone as…buff, and…manly as you shouldn't be dancing alone."

Byo puffed out his chest. It was true! He really was buff, and manly. Women couldn't resist him.

Scumbags tend to think very predictably, in that respect.

"Listen girlie." He sneered. "I'll sleep with you, alright? Since you seem so eager. But none of this…foreplay stuff. There's an alley over there, and I've got places to be, thing to do…busy busy busy, all the time." Muttering thusly, he ran in.

"How very romantic." The girl laughed. She followed him into the shadows.

He wasn't watching, the poor man. Otherwise he would have noticed that the ditzy girl behind him was holding a_kunai. _

And "she", (which was really an inaccurate term) had scars. Six of them, on each side of her face.

Like_whiskers._

"Alright, bitch. Kneel and…wait what's that? What? _What?! Auughrrrbrble."_

Sadly, Byo lost something dear to him that day. To him, this was a curse.

To the women of the world, it was a _blessing._

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

"Yes!" Naruto hissed, punching the air.

"What's wrong?"

"Ah…" he muttered. "Nothing."

But he was whistling a happy tune for the rest of the night.

"Ladies and gentleman!" Kiba called, grabbing a microphone from the karaoke bar. "This party, regrettably, is coming to a close. We'll all hit our separate bars after this, or, taking a page from our dear Konohamaru's book, we'll just go home with someone else. Or, in my case, with some_ones."_ He glanced askance at a triplet of inebriated blondes. "So let's end it with a bang!"

"Huh. He actually caught them." Ino wondered. "Animal appeal?"

"Ssh! I think I know what he's about to suggest."

"I speak of nothing other than….a _beer fest!" _he shouted, amid raucous whistling and cheering. "The barkeep's been paid in advance, buffet style. Cost us thousands, but totally worth it, because we're going to drink _twice _that much! All right?"

Wrinkling her face, Ino sniffed. "Ugh. Beer-fest? Do you men get any more disgusting?"

"A liquor of your choice may be consumed as well." Kiba added, hearing her. "That includes some of the 'tender's finest white wines."

"I'm in." Ino said, instantly.

"Tsunade will be the judge, since, for some odd reason, she hasn't been drinking these past ten years. The rules are simple. Drink…until you drop!" Kiba threw the microphone down and hopped to the bar, picking up a tremendous flask. "Then get up, drink, and drop again! The winner gets a date with Shizune at the Hyuuga summer estate! Or, if that's not your cup of tea, you're exempt from filing for a month. Ready? Go!"

Without hesitation, Ino threw back her first glass. Wine. White, and slightly poor-quality. There was a lot of it, though.

"one." She said, with a steely voice.

"All in one go? It's like Jiraiya, resurrected in the flesh!" a man mused.

"Only…with _breasts!"_

"Cor!"

"Three." Naruto countered casually. He spread his arms, and let three empty beer flasks fall to the ground.

"Five." Tenten laughed, with a devil-may-care-air. "You lot are a bunch of amateurs."

"H—half." Neji murmured. "Urp."

"Do try to keep up." His rival laughed. "Unless the prince wishes to lose to his eternal foe?"

"This is…_urgh. _Ridiculous! I demand that we play a more suitable game. Polo, for example! How about a good game of polo?"

"Twenty." Ino shouted determinedly. She could win this, if only she kept her head on straight. She let a steady stream of chakra eliminate any dangerous alcohol levels in her body, metastasizing it in a form closer to water than to wine. She'd have to go to the bathroom for a week if she kept this up. Still, she wanted to _win. _

No filing for a week! Heavenly._  
_

"Twenty-five!" Tenten gargled.

"Twenty-two." Her lover's voice was totally calm. "Moving on to…twenty-three, twenty-four…."

"T--t--twoo…" the regal White Prince swayed clumsily, and fell face-first into the table.

"Is he alright then?" Naruto asked.

"He can't hold his liquor. So _adorable."_ Tenten smiled. "And he has the cutest sense of chivalry. Not always practical, but I love him for it. Always running to protect me, even when I'm not remotely in danger. _gulp_. Thirty."

"Oh no you don't." Ino growled. "Thirty-_one."_

"Forty." Naruto continued, steadily.

"Kakashi's at fifty-one." Tsunade interrupted.

"Kakashi's in? Alright, I give up." The blonde playboy threw up his hands.

"Why, is he good?" Ino was curious.

"Expert at chakra control. Alcohol's like water to him." Naruto lied.

He walked out, and turned. "Coming? I called a cab; we can share a fare."

"Already? It'shhh." Ino frowned. "Wha? Sh? SH?"

"Too much to drink. Plus loose chakra control, I'm guessing. You're slurring already."

"Buh. Buh issh onlyyy. Onlllly ten-o-clooock."

"It's three in the morning, you silly woman." Naruto picked her up in his arms. "We're going." He called to the partiers.

They responded with a variety of moans. Only Tenten could manage a weak "Ta for a great time, you two. Mmmbbrg. Sixty. _Damn _you, Kakashi, you win."

Naruto could hear Kakashi regaling Shizune with stories of Jiraiya.

"Best man ever." He was saying. "Best drinker, fighter, writer, _lover…"_

"Lover?!" Shizune cried drunkenly. "Naruto told me you were straight!"

"Lover to other women, I meant. God, you're such a pervert, Shizu."

Naruto rubbed his whisker marks and smirked. His matchmaking skills were still flawless.

"Yoo can puth me down." Ino mumbled. "I'mmm fine.

"No you can't. You're smashed; you can't even touch your nose. Hup!" he shifted her weight to keep from falling over.

"Don' be ricidulouss." Ino touched her fingers to her eyes, her mouth, and her cheeks. "Urgh. Nose…no nose...did…did yoo rearrange my fase?"

"Christ, you _are_ drunk."

"'kay. Mebbe I'm jushht a _liiittle_' bit tipipsy. Tipsyi. Tippy." She buried her face in his shirt. "Smmella…Smella like sinnammomon. Cimmannon."

"My favorite spice of choice."

The cab arrived.

"Seventh district." Naruto ordered.

"That'll be six-hundred ryou."

"Daylight robbery! Er…nighttime robbery! Who puts out prices like that? And on my master's birthday, too!"

"Birth--hey! You Jiraiya's punk?"

"Punk …is that a suitable word? I suppose it fits in all the right senses. Yes, I was…._am, _Jiraiya's "punk." Until the end of my days."

"Then you ride for free. The old bastard tipped me _thousands _on his lucky nights."

"On on his not-so-lucky ones?"

"He didn't even pay!"

"Sounds like him."

Yellow sped through black; a cab rushed down a poorly lit street. Breakneck, reckless driving ensured that they reached Seventh in no time at all.

"You have a nice night kid!" the driver yelled. "You too, lady!"

"Thanxxx." Ino laughed. "Thannx youze."

She glanced upwards. The complex she saw was not her own.

"My housouse is onn…forty-ninth street." She realized.

"I'm not leaving you alone, drunk at your place. You'll do something daft and set the whole building on fire."

"So you'rrre bringining me heare? To sexsh me?"

"I don't sleep with inebriated girls. You of all people should know; half the fun of sex is lost when you can't remember it."

He balanced her up the apartment stairs, careful not to bump her head into a banister. After the stairs, getting to his door was easy. His apartment was a fairly big place.

He shed his jacket, and Ino's. He pulled her shoes off one by one.

"Let's sleep…t'gether…" she moaned.

"That's the wine talking. I'll be on my couch." A plush bed wheezed as it accepted her weight. "You'll be sleeping here tonight, love." Loving lips touched her forehead, and pulled a blanket over her shivering form. "Sweet dreams."

She usually had nightmares while drunk. Not tonight. Tonight's dreams were bright and happy ones, with blue skies like his blue eyes, and a wind that smelled like cinnamon…

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I am posting this quickly, because it will be the last one for a while. My mid-term crunch, the vile spawn of procrastination and desperation, will probably leave no time for writing. Not for a while, at least. We'll see.

To Paladin Kriss. Cross? (I couldn't resist.)I'm glad you like the analogy. Indeed, we are all guinea pigs, rolling around in our separate cages.

That's pretty good, that. I should write that down.

To Harlequin: He's not a nutbag. We just disagree, is all. (I tell that to myself repeatedly to stop myself from ranting.) Your fanfic is beginning to hit an upwards curve by the way.

To Tergar of Konoha: Thank you for your…seven? Yes, _Seven _consecutive reviews. Maybe I should mosey on over to your fanfics, and post a few of my own. One of your comments tickled me, though .

"I guess I was right on my first assumation (_sic_)... You are a guy, you just opperate on a higher level of thinking with myself and most women."

I don't really operate on a higher level of anything. Please don't give me too much credit. I empathize where I can, and that's all, really. Oh, and I can ask my girlfriend _anything. _Except what she wants for birthdays and at Christmas. Then I have to guess…and usually I'm wrong.

I'm certainly not a Cassandra, if that's what you mean. Besides, Cassandra was a _woman._ Who else do you think could predict the future? A _man?_

Pfft. As a Californian friend of mine once said; "I'm just a dude, dude. Dude. Er…dude?" How many times _do _you use that word? Is it an adjective or a noun? I have something to investigate, it seems.


	20. Parallel Pathways

Hello hello! As you are all doubtless aware, is slowly screwing around with our beautiful formats! All the section-dashlines that I put into place are now gone. My mediocre talents are made even worse by this…atrocity.

Monstrosity? Ferocity of unstoppable velocity? Ah, Apostrophe.

(For those who, for reasons unknown, _like _my sly use of archaic double-ended words, there's another just for you.)

For new readers, I apologize. I'm trying to fix it as best I can. Time is never a bountiful commodity in any case, but I seem to have a bit more of it today than I did yesterday.

Or is that just me?

* * *

_A miserable, miserable day. _

It had been such a long time since Ino had woken up alone.

…Maybe not that long. One entire day, to be exact. But this was different. Naruto wasn't next to her—and he had been there the morning before. Not having him next to her—it were as if a hole had opened up in her heart; a hole that she had been blissfully unaware in all her twenty-four years of life.

She was a responsible adult, but she felt, for the moment, half her age, insecure and boxed-in.

Where was he? Where was Naruto?

For that matter, where was _she?_

An unfamiliar bed, in an unfamiliar apartment…what had she been up to last night?

She blew on her palm and sniffed it. Wine. Perhaps that was her answer. She'd gotten drunk, and gone home with Naruto…

She _had _gone home with Naruto? Panic overwhelmed her senses. Or at least, panic _tried _to overwhelm her senses. It met strong resistance in the form of a _massive _post-party hangover.

"Ohhh." She groaned. "Oww."

Something heavy and painful was stabbing into her temples. Inside her skull, a distant rock band was playing heavy metal on her neurons.

"Shit shit shit!" she muttered fiercely.

Staggering epileptically, she managed to make it out of the bedroom (Naruto's bedroom, she desperately hoped), and into the kitchen. There was a note magnet-tacked to its door: a note that assuaged her fears, written in Naruto's elaborate, well-spaced scrawl.

_Impressive drinking skill, Ms. Wine lover. Jiraiya would be proud. I've got a hangover cure on the kitchen table—be sure to drink it all, no matter how bad it tastes. Or don't. I recommend the former._

_The bath is always open--it's fairly big. We ought to have some fun in it later. I'm afraid I don't stock up on makeup, so if you like, you can go back to your apartment. Just…try to relax, okay? _

_I've got a meeting with Tsunade—ANBU business, don'tcha know. I'll be back as soon as we're done. _

_PS. Don't bother going to work today. I can keep track of what day of the month it is._

Hangover cure…there was only one pitcher on Naruto's spacious glass dining table. It was…

Urg. It was neon green. What ingredients lent it that particular shade?

Wrinkling her face, she sipped it. Hot sauce, raw eggs, mustard, and something with _zing. _Enough _zing _to _zing _her _zinging _tongue out of her mouth. She pushed it aside, and re read the last line of the note.

She puzzled over it. Month? Day? After scanning his kitchen walls, a single puppy-themed calendar caught her eye.

Puppy-themed. Honestly, the man was almost _too _perfect.

Framed by an adorable brown English cocker spaniel, different clusters of dates were circled in different color markers.

_Tsunade: becomes IRATE; AVOID AT ALL COSTS. _One read, but the name had been crossed out, and replaced with. _Nope, not anymore. Thank god for old age. _

Underneath was _Tenten: Becomes gloomy. Try to cheer her up if you see her. If not, leave to Neji. _

After Tenten was _Shizune: Just gets dog-tired. Buy a coffee_ _for her—she doesn't get an off day like everyone else. _

_Anko. She gets sex-mad. Ifyou're lucky, then Ryou will have sated her. If not, then RUN._

And right along the last week of the month, was her name, with a large arrow on three particular dates in the middle.

_Ino. _It read, simply.

Ino looked at the week, and the month. She put two and two together, and slapped herself for being so stupid.

"Right…" She murmured. "Right…"

It was _that _time again. Ha.

A giggle—a hysterical, shrill giggle escaped her lips. Naruto's clean-yet-cluttered kitchen echoed her laughter tenfold, scraping her ears with jarring noise.

"Wonderful. Just…_fucking _wonderful."

Then she found a convenient corner, and began to cry.

* * *

"We've got a serious problem."

When Tsunade got serious, she could stare holes through solid steel. When she was angry, she could level whole cities. She was both at the moment, which boded ill for both Naruto , the ANBU captain, and Neji, his counterpart in the separate (and as Neji maintained, _equal) _branch of Internal Affairs.

"Regarding…?" Neji prompted.

"Don't treat me like a senile old hag, boy. I'll throw you out my window if you waste my time. I'm talking about the Uchiha's body."

"Sasuke, you mean." Naruto corrected.

"A first name would imply that he is still a _person."_

"And he _is. _Or was.

"Cool it." Neji snapped. "An ANBU team was sent to pick up the body. What's wrong, did they find something out of place?"

"They found nothing. Which is _why _there's a problem." Growled the ferocious female Hokage. "Grave-soil and odd symbols. Some sort of five-pointed star, a few letters in an odd language. Naruto, sound familiar?"

Naruto frowned. "Five-pointed stars, you say?"

"Drawn with blood. Damndest thing they'd ever seen, they said."

"Necromancy would be my first guess." Naruto sighed.

"Western magic." Hissed Neji. "Contraband information. My men have been getting sloppy, it seems."

"Fill me in on this…Western Magic." Tsunade tore ferociously at a plate of dango lain thoughtfully on her desk. Shizune…or someone else. Naruto wondered who it could be. Probably Shizu; Tsunade was pretty enough, but, age aside, she had about as much charm as a hive of hornets.

"I really couldn't find out much about it myself. It has nothing to do with Chakra, I can tell you that. From what I could glean, it's almost the _opposite." _

"What?"

"Well, Chakra works, in very general terms, as a tool of Death, crafted from Life-energy." Naruto tangled his fingers to demonstrate. "Life energy—you know. Messy, blue, red, gloopity-gloop. Hard to control, harder to use against an opponent. Without years of trial and error, the Arts of ninjutsu would never have developed.

"Yes, yes." The aloof prince of Konoha was obviously impatient. He white eyes flickered at his immaculate leather watch. "This is well known to us."

"This energy is used to create death. Killing people, and whatnot." Naruto straightened his fingers. That part is very easy, like running water down a hill. All that messy chakra wants to be transformed into death-energy. It's clean, and sterile, and uncomplicated."

"Death usually is." Tsunade cracked.

"…indeed. Western magic, like I said, walks a harder path—a total reversal."

"What, taking death-energy and turning it into _life?"_

"_Yes. _That's exactly it. Western magic uses the other end of the spectrum—it takes sterile, orderly death, and purposely induces the chaos of life into the system. The resulting constructs are…volatile, to say the least. Prone to insanity, and self-destruction, but they _cannot be killed. _How do you kill a corpse?"

"Ah. Do they have Jinchuuriki as well?" Tsunade asked, in a low voice. "Bijyuu?"

"I…don't know. They speak of demons, and demon lords. Beelzebub. Azazael. Sammael. Maleficarus. Maelbogia. Other…beings, I suppose. Nexuses of death. If they do exist…I have no idea how well the two'd match up. In case you haven't noticed, Death is a lot stronger than life. It could be that my Kyuubi is a match for their Sammael; the Lord of the Nine Black Wings—their corrupted highest. It could be that I don't match up even to Udriel the Flightless—the lowest in their ranks."

"You didn't tell me this…oh, any number of years ago?"

Well, I thought it wouldn't be a problem. See, the two forces are normally mutually exclusive. Life repels death, and death consumes life. Add to that the fact that while chakra is usable almost anywhere, necromantic energy emerges only in the presence of a fresh death, preferably en masse. Graveyards, burial grounds. Since we cremate our dead, there are no such places within a twenty-mile radius. A practitioner of western necromancy would be as harmful as a kitten over here."

"Even kittens have claws."

"That they do. So what is your suggested course of action, oh great hokage?"

The 'Great Hokage' narrowed her eyes. "Investigate. There's still too much that we need to know."

"We should start with Sakura." Neji volunteered. "She's the one who had the closest ties to the man. Tsunade, where is she?"

"She left on a long-term mission to rice country not a month past. Farmers were losing their crops to raiders, and she offered to eliminate them. As a bonus, she's reorganizing their agricultural system. It'll make their payment that much more generous."

"Touching, but she is still a loose end." The regal Hyuuga shook his hair in a black cascade. "I'll have a man tail her from the moment she gets back. My contacts in rice country will have to do for the moment."

"You can't seriously suspect the girl." Naruto's protests were loud, but feeble. "She's…well she's changed, but not enough to do something like this."

"Trust is an enviable luxury." Neji snapped. "Unfortunately, It is one that I am not allowed to indulge in. Good day."

He strode out.

"He's very much a Hyuuga." Tsunade mused.

"No, just hung-over. Around Tenten, he's a fawning puppy. His shell doesn't take much to crack."

"And yours?"

"…I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Ino. Have you told her?"

"Told her what?"

"You've got a monster inside you, Naruto. Even if it doesn't change the way you feel about her, even if it might seem totally irrelevant, she deserves to know."

"She's been through a lot. I don't need to burden her with my own problems."

"It's her problem too. I've spoken with her. She thinks--" Tsunade froze. "Wait…where is she?"

"At my apartment. I know it's her time of month. I figured I'd leave her alone for the day."

"You left her _alone? _On this, of all days?"

"I thought you women hated it when men poke their noses in your monthlies?"

"Not Ino! She's different! Oh, if I'd known I would have sent Tenten out to help her--" Tsunade wrung her hands frantically. "Go. You need to get home, fast. _Now. _Oh, damn and blast--"

She turned. Naruto was already long gone.

* * *

Men came and went, like water through a water-wheel, leaving Ino stranded in the periphery.

Odd, odd, odd, that was her life. A vast river, and she was naught but a pebble within it, bouncing from one strong man to the other. Asuma, who she had loved as a teacher, Shikamaru who she had loved as a friend (though he was a friend no longer), and Chouji. Chouji who haunted her dreams, with his clumsy kind-heartedness, and an unblinking, beseeching stare.

She knew that stare. It was melancholy. Everything, everywhere.

Naruto's countertop was tiled in an odd shade of marble-blue. She could make out the lines in exquisite detail. His faucet had been left on by a tiny degree: it wept fresh water, like an eye expunging a thousand silent tears.

_Blood swept the ground, staining her slippers red, fouling the air with an Iron tang. She'd loved those slippers. They'd been pink, back then. She hated the color, but loved the design, and now they were ruined, oh dear, oh dear_

No. She was in Naruto's kitchen. No blood, no Chouji. Not at all.

_How had he gotten his hands on a gun, stupid man? Weren't they illegal? _

_Men. Hah, always killing themselves and getting killed. Women would inherit the earth, if only because all the stupid men would kill themselves off first. _

_He thought his death would _hurt _her? Never. She'd show him. His petty revenge wouldn't work on her. She knelt in front of his body, whisky bottle at hand, and took another vicious swig, ignoring the tears that pricked her eyes. _

_Oh no. She'd get back at him. She would. _

" _No!" _Ino grasped her head. This happened _every month. _When she was at her weakest, at her most irate, all the skeletons in her closetsaw fit to come out to play. All her forgotten, lost time was melding together.

Her past was her present. But her future was _empty._

She had to get away. She had to get _out. _

But where could she go?

She fingered the sharp kunai in her pants pocket; it was never far from her reach. (Her "lucky knife", she called it.) Experimentally, she touched it to her wrist. Could she? Did she _dare?_



Her life seesawed, then, between twin states of madness and despair. The kunai pressed ever-closer to her tender veins--

Outside, behind the clouds, the sun began to shine. It filtered through Naruto's window, and the room was filled with lush, dappled light.

Like a light switching on in a dark room, like a church-bell in a den of demons, the sun washed everything clean.

And in that single moment, Ino knew what she had to do.

* * *

Running to his apartment was a race against time. Naruto dodged cars and taxis, wondering all the time what Tsunade had meant.

"Special…" he murmured. "How? Let's see…full moon, around every month. Estimate…twenty-sixth, twenty-seventh?"

He drew a breath. "Asuma, died on --"

"Oh _Damn."_

He doubled his speed, but the distance seemed only to lengthen. All that black asphalt—an uncountable distance—was not measured in miles, but in _minutes._

_How much time?_ He raged. _How much time do I have left?_

Deep within his chest, a rumbling voice chuckled.

_None. _

* * *

Barren. Lifeless. His apartment was empty, inhabited only by the occasional murmur of summer-scented wind (the scent of flowers, and distant, aromatic flame).

Tacked to his doorpost was a small note, embellished with florid lettering. As a former flower-girl, Ino was an _expert _at floridity.

Naruto read it quickly. Simply a location, with a tiny heart inscribed in the corner.

A heart, drawn shakily, yet with conviction. A heart that said a thousand words, a clear message that she was waiting for him: that he _mustn't let her down._

He shook his head in bewilderment.

"Women." He muttered. "How can you be so strong?"

Then he dashed into his kitchen, and began to prepare. A picnic basket, a loaf of sourdough bread, cheese, oven-roasted chicken, a few spare tomatoes…and of course, a Beaujolais.

He knew her tastes well enough.

* * *

The trees were humming a happy tune, dancing with the dry, lively breeze. The sun had shone for so long that the grass wasn't even damp; lying there, Ino felt like an unfettered cloud, in a dry, dry expanse of green.

A month of dry seasonal winds had changed the face of her favorite knoll; the pond had dried up, and the clearing was only that; a simple meadow surrounded by trees. But it was enough.

It was enough to simply sit down, and watch the undulating cirrus and stratus circle around the hills. Her worries troubled her not, and the sun burned all of her dark, hidden fears to ash. Her hangover was still present, though. She could deal with that. Pain--it was certainly better than _remembering._

Naruto had been right about this place. He was always right, damn him. Always right, always tactful when she wanted tact, unashamedly straightforward when she needed simplicity.

Always there.

The tramping of feet on grass alerted her to his presence long before his quiet; "Hello, love."

"hullo." She replied dully. Her arm rose automatically to hide her eyes. She couldn't let him see her eyes.

"I brought food."

"took you long enough." She snorted.

"I take my time when I prepare my meals. Sandwiches, this time. Just a bit of this and a bit of that, really." He sat next to her, preferring to rest in the shade, instead of basking in the sunlight. "…how are you?"

"Fine. Perfect. Copacetic." She said, cheerily. Each word was sickly sweet, and over-bright to the point of ditz-iness. She winced.

He lifted her arm, slightly and peered at her face. "You've been crying."

"Have I? I had _no idea_." Murmured Ino, acerbic and wry. "What gave it away? The puffy eyes? The red marks on my cheeks?" vindictively, she ripped up a tuft of grass, and flung it away. "I must look terrible."

"You don't look that bad." He grinned, reaching into the hiking-pack he'd brought along. Forty pounds, or fifty—it didn't really matter to a man who could throw his enemies around like rag-dolls. "If you're going to run off in the middle of the day, love, you might want to remember your purse first."

Her make-up kit was in the same spot it always was—side pocket, top compartment. The lacquered silver-and-glass revealed her face in painful detail.

She studied herself, taking note of the red rings around her eyes.

"I look like a tanuki." She sneered, finally. There were women who looked beautiful when they cried. Not so for Ino; she looked like exactly like she felt. Miserable.

"Yes, but a very cute tanuki." Naruto prodded her. " A cute, busty, fiery, stubborn, incorrigibly winsome tanuki. And what's more, _my_ tanuki."

"I'm my own tanuki, buster."

"So you're a feminist tanuki."

"A _liberated _feminist tanuki. When I was young, I burned all my bras in protest of male domination over us independent females." She tickled his chin with a stray stalk of wheat.

He bit the stalk in half. "Ergh. That couldn't have been comfortable."

"It wasn't. I bought a new set a few days later."

"How did your three days of feminine liberation feel?"

"…itchy. And bouncy—almost painfully so." Reaching across the paper-dry grass, she flicked his forehead. "It didn't change my outlook one bit, though. Men are _still _to blame for all our ills."

"Not _all _our ills. War, for example."

"Oh _come on. _War is _all _about men. Women would talk it out, any day."

"What about…rainy days?"

"Men are such pessimists—rain clouds follow you lot wherever you go."

"Taxes?"

"All the fault of the men on the board of elders."

"Death."

"Stupidity, on the part of men."

"Cancer."

"The gods' punishment for aforementioned stupidity."

"What an odd way to see things."

"Oh, that's nothing. Guess how I explain piracy. It's all because of--mphrgle."

He popped a morsel of bread, cheese, tomato, and chicken into her mouth. "Silence, wench." He growled, in a mock-pirate brogue. "Lest I am forced to strike thee with the back of my hook-hand."

"Waaergch?" _Gulp. "_Wench?! Oh, you take that back, or I'll….mphrarglegle."

The same fluid motion, and another delicious bite of chicken sandwich was tossed out of his hands, and past her open lips.

"Okay, really, stop that." She spluttered. "It's delicious, yes, but I haven't finished scolding you yet! Er…where was I?"

"You were just about to take a sip of this." He laughed, holding a wineglass.

"No, I was about to lambast you on the sexist connotations of the word wen-he-he-hey!" she sniffed the air. "Cru-Beaujolais. Aged in oak. Six years, at the very least—but which Cru? I want to say Moulin a Vent, but…something tells me it's not."

"Very astute. In fact, this is my favorite Gamot wine—a Beaujolais, as you like it. It's one of a set of ten, taken from a small village in the hills of that region."

"Which one?"

"Feu-de-la-Terre."

"Never heard of it."

"Yes you have. It's the eleventh village of the Beaujolais region."

"There are only ten!"

"No, there are eleven. Another day, I'll tell you all about it. For now…just drink." He popped the cork of a dusty bottle of fragrant wine, and expertly poured her a glass. "First dibs go to you, of course."

"Much obliged." She lifted the crystal edge to her nose, then lowered it to her lips. "Hmmmm…"

The taste was mellow, rich, and sweet. Bitterness followed shortly behind, as was common with all wines, a bitterness just as alkaline her tears.

A Beaujolais. What a reminiscent wine it was! The first one she'd ever tried; an entire flask, stolen from Asuma's carry-pouch during a rough mission, more than a decade ago. Of course, she'd thrown it all up immediately afterwards, but the taste—and the memory, refused to fade.

Innocent days, relegated to a brighter, idyllic past…

"How is it?" Naruto asked, sprawled across the grass, his arms akimbo.

"It's…good." Ino murmured hoarsely. "It's really…good."

To her horror, tears were running down her face again. Were eyes some kind of saltwater-manufacturing-facility, she wondered? They never seemed to run out of those humiliating, utterly pitiful tears. Gods, it was a wonder she hadn't died of dehydration.

"That good, eh?" Naruto joked lightly. He sat up, and put an arm around her waist.

And though it mortified her to do so, she fell into his arms, unable, and unwilling to resist his touch.

"I'm not usually like this." she said, muffled through his shirt. "I'm not a passive-aggressive weepy neurotic. I swear."

"I know."

"And I'm not a charity-case either." His shirt was wet now. And salty. "I...I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself. I'd be fine without you."

"I know."

"But just this once…" she said, reluctantly. "Just this once, I think I'd like to be needy."

"Sure." The warm wind ruffled his hair, and then hers. "My shirt, as you've already discovered, makes an excellent hanky."

"Sorry for that."

"What's to be sorry about? I can always get another shirt. You on the other hand…" he placed his fingertip on her forehead. "A Yamanaka Ino is a one-in-a-million occurrence. Maybe a billion."

"Y-y—you….shameless….unabashed, silvertongued…" Ino ran out of adjectives, and breath, and composure, at around the same time.

"Shhh." He assured her. "Just let it out."

And she did.

All the pent-up anger, and frustration, and fear, burst out in a flood of emotion. She wailed, she screamed, she beat at his chest, blind with rage, at the futility of it all. She wept for the dead, for the living, and for those who clung to life, in her memories.

She spun a tapestry of grief, long in the weaving. She sang a song of misery, that had resounded, unreleased, within her breast, for months. Years. Decades.

No more.



* * *

Yay! I am back.

I like the way this story is shaping up. However, I'm trying to aim for an emotional realism, if not a physical one. Escalations in relationships can take months, years, etc. So, I'm moving towards a more seasonal series of vignettes, just for a bit. Once that is through, I want to get around to introducing the mastermind behind this plot: Eddie Izzard.

Okay, no. That was a joke. Izzard would make a great evil mastermind, but not in this particular case. He's got this face that just _screams _"really evil".

Oh, and we all know what Tanuki means, I think. We are all wannabe Japanese people, right? Right?

Just in case, it is a kind of raccoonish-fox. Or perhaps a foxy raccoon. Clear as mud.

To my reviewers:

yasuhei: I really cannot remember. I think, maybe, possibly it was meant to be a pun. I was listening to an Edith Piaf song at the time. "Jezebel" get it? No? Alright. Excruciating puns are really only funny to the pun- ner, not the pun-nee.

mdv: I am a sappy, sappy, romantic. I ooze saccharin like…something that oozes saccharin. Being a sane, reasonable person, I decided to post my horrible affliction on the internet for the whole world to see.

DreadCraft: see, the problem with Hinata is that most of her character is made up. You have to fill in the gaps on your own, since Kishimoto doesn't really give us a lot to go by. Ino, however, is easy enough to imagine. Yes, I am lazy. Unlike other brave, hard-working authors, I write whatever comes easily to me.

Morrow-kun: Well. _Someone's _happy with their boyfriend. Luckily for your "significant other". Wink wink, nudge nudge, so on and so forth.

No, I don't really stress much about it. Give him a few years, and I'm sure that guy'll come around. Either that, or he'll end up like that one guy in that one movie. You know? The one with the virgin, who was forty years old?

Orange Dive: my style seems…feminine? That is a very…nice compliment. Yes, nice. But, uh, I am a _man, _you see, so please understand that it feels a bit…emasculating. Okay, I won't lie to you. It feels _very _emasculating. Now my confidence in my own manliness had been flushed down the tubes.

I write all my lemons from a woman's point of view. This might cause a bit of gender confusion, but I think the trade-off is worth it. For one thing, it is damnably near impossible to write a good love scene from the male POV.

Example.

"(Insert mundane male name here) whipped out his twelve-inch piece. (And I don't mean a gun.) He went deep. He hit the jackpot--the mother of mother lodes. (Score!) Oh yeah. You know what I'm talking about. The chick probably enjoyed herself. Whatever.

There's romance for 'ya! NOT.

Just to clarify. Lemons usually only work from the female Point of View.

Okay then! See you next…update. Chapter. Thingy.


	21. Love is a Deadly Weapon

Sorry for the late update. I was busy...well, actually, i was just lazy, and put it off for far too long. I am a terrible person.

* * *

"Let's play a game." He said to her, drunk with sunlight.

Not just sunlight; flower-smells, and warmth, and a host of other things, all variegated, and chiaroscuro, and _intoxicating. _

Ino felt just as tipsy as he did. She was a summer person, in personality and in seasonal preference. Just like her beautiful flowers, the sun was as essential to her as breath, or sight.

Or love.

"More…_alphabet?" _she asked, imbued with a summery mischief. "I've never been one for exhibitionism, but I suppose we could give it a try."

"Would you stop thinking about sex for a _minute, _love?"

"That's impossible to do with you." Her bare feet tussled with Naruto's, underneath the open sun. Soft turf, rich brown earth spilling through her toes…

_Their_ toes. Because they did everything _together_ now. They laughed, they cried…

But she'd had her fill of crying. Now was sun-time. Laughter-time. Time to revel in the way Naruto stroked her hair, to weave flower-chains, and affix them to his head in a series of primitive crowns.

Her fingers still remembered how to make them, just like she had in her middle-school days. Back then, of course she'd been making them for Sasuke, completely unaware of the amazing lover who had been staring her in the face.

To be fair, he's been chubbier back then. And a brat. Wasn't everyone?

"Naming clouds. How about that?"

"Alright." She responded wickedly. "That one up there looks like a fantastic lover I happen to know…"

"Does it now?"

Yes…one who's popping open my blouse button by button, until there's nothing left but…well, me. Oh…and now he's moving in, tracing his tongue along my nipples…"

"You need a cold shower. And then another one, just for good measure."

"_Joking, _lover. Men take things so seriously." Ino laughed. "Auugh. Since when am I a pervert?"

"It's contagious. And really, you ought to stop." He kissed the sensitive crook of her neck, and sniffed sharply. "You're giving me ideas."

This caused Ino to shift her focus entirely. Not outside, certainly! Not even the prince of playboys could…



But of course he could. That was his appeal. In the end, there was nothing that he couldn't, or wouldn't do.

"Alright!" she acquiesced, throwing up her hands. "You win. No more blatant sex talk."

He leaned back, though his hands lingered. "Hmph. I'll let you off easy, then."

"…what do you mean by 'easy'?"

"Just tell me a story." A feline stretch on his part sent furrows through the ground. "You've heard plenty of mine."

"A story?" The more Ino thought, the more depressed she became. "I don't have any."

"A lie. And a bad one. You've got one big, tangled web inside you. A story, I think. All you need is an audience."

"Why not?" the knot in her throat was trying to resurface, but the sunshine kept it at bay. "For some reason…I'm feeling really good right now."

"That would be me." He bragged. "I'm told that my upbeat mood is absolutely _contagious._" He kissed her, and her head was filled with scents of flowers and dry grass.

"I'll start…can I start slow?"

"It's your story. Tell it like you want to tell it, love."

"Alright. Once, a long time ago…." She gulped. "There was a girl who dreamed of princes."

"The, uh, shiny kind? With armor, and horses, and whatnot?"

"Exactly so. But she had a problem. See, every time she thought she'd found one…she'd be wrong. She was stupid that way."

"Not stupid. Just…waiting."

"…maybe. Her first knight was a strong man, prone to smoking, which she _hated, _but still…" she tilted her head. "A knight. In every sense of the word."

"A goofy, scruffy knight."

"That was part of his knightly-ness, of course. He was in love with another, which was fine. The girl was content to…to watch. Sometimes watching was enough."

"Not for long, I'd expect."

A vacuous smile fleeted across Ino's face; emptiness so deep that it seemed to have its own presence. "no. Not for long. Watching love blossom in front of her very eyes was like…like a blind man, hearing 

two sighted people converse about color. She couldn't tell what was going on, nor why. All she could see was that it was…beautiful. And she wanted to feel it too." She wrapped her arms around her knees. "Badly. She wanted to feel it _so _badly."

Naruto read her body language perfectly, snuggling closer against her curled body. "And? Has she found it?"

"A hundred times over." Ino laughed. "But it took her years to do. And before that, she had to…well, things...happened."

His eyes were a thousand words; sad, attentive, compassionate. They invited her to say whatever she needed to say.

"Her First Time…" continued Ino, "was a friend. They usually are. She was desperate. When you're falling into a pit, you don't really care who you grab onto so long as they can hold you fast. And he seemed all right. He was smart; a bit obtuse when it came to romance, but he knew what to say, and when to say it."

"So, a typical first love."

"Yep." She tossed back her hair, golden strands flying in a thousand shimmering filaments. "It's funny. A first love seems so unique, and eternal, until it's over. Then, you look back, and realize it was average, and normal, just like everyone else's."

"How did it end?"

"Words." She said sadly. "That's all he knew, words. Love words, happy words, sad words. Promises of love eternal, promises of brighter futures. They never came through." Her arms shook. "And then, he decided that he'd had enough fun, and that it was time to move on to someone else. I suppose he's slathering her with words as well."

"Slathering?"

"Like a man seasoning a particularly ripe chunk of meat." Shuddered Ino. "He had these…hungry eyes."

"hmph. Well, I am at times inclined to think of you as a…delicious morsel…"

"Oh shut up, you. I know that you don't mean a word of your chauvinist rubbish." Her emerald eyes rolled sarcastically, shimmering brightly in the sun. "You don't scare me."

"I don't?"

"You never will. You're the kind of man who'd die before he hurt a woman. Like…" she took a deep breath. "Like…"

"Like him."



"Like him."

"When did you figure out that the big lug was in love with you?"

"We met at a mixer. Well, we'd known each other before that, but we both happened to bump into each other at the same gathering."

"Coincidence?"

"No. He told me as much. He got himself colossally drunk, so drunk that his tiny embers of courage roared up into this great big…bonfire, I guess."

"He confessed while drunk?!" Naruto spluttered. "Oh, that is an outrage."

"Actually, I thought it was kind of cute. Really, _really _gross, but cute. It took him six bottles of sake to wrangle out a confession."

"…bad, was it?"

"Oh, it was _terrible." _Coughed Ino, helpless with mirth. "Oh, if I remember it correctly, he said something like; 'hey baby. How's about you and me, eh?'"

"He should have _told _me. I'd have tutored him."

"Oh? You'd have helped a rival for my affections?"

"Your affections are your own. If I can't win, and keep them-- fairly that is-- then what right do I have to be your lover?"

"A refreshing philosophy." Ino lauded. "And an effective one." A butterfly, flittering across the meadow landed on her shoulder, sapphire wings clashing together in a swirl of color. "Ah! This one matches your eyes."

"Does it?" he lifted the insect gently from her arm. "Ah…" two fingers spread apart, he held it to his face. "…well?"

"er…"

His face was a canvass of blue on blue, a single-shade kaleidoscope saturated with brilliant light. There was pink, as well. Curved, slightly-puckered pink lips, moving closer, as he drew his face closer to hers.

Their ensuing kiss was slow, and luxurious, a tasting game; a slow dance of tongues. The butterfly went away somewhere--Ino couldn't see. Her eyes were closed, her lips pursed, her mind elsewhere.

Kisses. How many had he given to get this good?

"I can't tell this story if you keep on interrupting me!" she cried.



"These aren't interruptions." His lips lingered in her hair. "They're intermissions. Popcorn breaks, sans popcorn." Warm breath heated her forehead. "So. What happened then?"

"Then?"

"After Chouji confessed to you."

"I punched him."

"Of course."

"Then I hauled him up, and told him that I'd meet him for lunch the next day, that he'd be paying, and that if he were late, I'd rip him to shreds."

"What was his reaction?"

"He passed out. He showed up the day afterthough, so I suppose he heard."

"…how was your time together?"

"Do I detect a hint of jealousy?"

"No." Naruto said, a shade too quickly. "Maybe. Arrgh." He growled. "Yes. You're an amazing woman: the target of every man in the city. I'm allowed to be jealous, you know."

"_How _jealous?" Asked Ino, her eyes alight with mischief.

"Any more jealousy, and I'll turn _green, _love."

"Well." Ino patted his shoulder with playful camaraderie. "You do a good job of keeping it tamped down. Chouji--he really _did _turn green with jealousy a few times."

"He was always the type to wear his heart on his sleeve."

"So were you."

"So was I."

"Sometimes he could be so oblivious that it was funny. He'd buy me pink tulips, all the time. Huge bouquets of them. I hated them, but he looked so hopeful, staring at me with those puppy-brown eyes. I pretended to like them."

Naruto fiddled with a nearby flower chain, weaving it into her hair. "Could he cook?"

"There's that jealousy again. No, he couldn't cook. Not as well as you. His pancakes were alright, but that was as far as it went. When he made anything else, I'd smile, and make him think it was delicious."

Gently, Naruto asked, "Were you happy?"

"…" For a moment, she couldn't speak.

"Were you?"

"Let me think." Ino said. And she thought.

(_Long nights in her apartment, staring at the moon, wondering why she kept up the façade. Why she lied to him, every day. Lied in action, lied in words, lied in every possible sense of the term. Long days, trying to surmount the guilt. Twilit moments spent sulking in her bedroom, pondering whether or not she truly loved him. _

_Was it happiness?_

_Had she been happy?)_

"Every day was pretend." She finally muttered.

"Say again?"

"Every day was pretend. Pretend to laugh, pretend to smile." She hummed a tuneless song. "I was dying inside."

"Did he know?"

"I didn't think so. I was an idiot. He must have seen the dullness. The loneliness. He realized what he'd done, and he…" swallowing mightily, she clenched her eyes, and willed them dry. "He set me free. He set me _free. _I couldn't see it. I thought it was just another straw on my back, just another bar of the cage that he was putting about me."

"A cage?"

"Every night, we ate together. Every day we worked next to each other—it was driving me mad! Not a day passed when he didn't hint at something 'big'; he'd take my ring-finger measurements, and wink at me, without fail. And everyone moved so fast, and it all seemed so inevitable, that I couldn't voice my thoughts on the matter. I couldn't say no."

"He proposed then." Naruto's brow knitted. "oh, love…he didn't…hurt you?"

"I'm the guilty party here." Ino snapped, suddenly. "Two years ago, this very month, Chouji approached me on bended knee, ring in hand, and I…"

"you did what you had to do."

"No, I killed him." This was her hard voice, her tough as nails, and edged-with-flint voice. The famed Iron walls of her heart were risen once again.

Naruto cut through them with ease. "Calm down. No one's judging you. There's no need to judge yourself."

"Aagh." Ino winced. "This was a bad idea. Yeah. Just listen to me! I sound like Tsunade back when _she _had periods."

"The age of madness? Thank god that's over. If it came to a choice between a pissy Tsunade and an enraged Bijuu, I'd choose the bijuu any day."

"And now I'm turning into her."

"No, you're turning into something else entirely." When Naruto chuckled he did so from his chest, almost a purr. Ino could feel it all the way to her knees. "You've got me to blunt your antisocial sharp edges."

"I'm a _murderer, _lover. No one can help me."

"All you did was turn him down." His hands, with their graceful fingers danced around her shoulders. "He did everything else to himself."

"But--" Ino hung her head. "You weren't there. His eyes--they--they cut me. They seemed to say; 'ah, I knew this would happen. I knew you never loved me. Who could love someone like me? Ohh, Ino you must feel so good about yourself now, after giving me half a year of pity-love. How proud you must be.'"

"And then he died."

"I found him in my kitchen." Ino said distantly. "He'd imported a gun from overseas. The bullets were so tiny, but the holes were _so _big! He bled all oer the tiles. I had to replace them. And after that…well, things went downhill. It seems Chouji…couldn't take my decision."

"Then he's all the more despicable for trying to play the guilt card on you. Listen, love. An engagement is a one-shot deal. Second chances are rare. If you fail the first time, you can't go back. You can't force your lover to reconsider he position. You need to take it in stride, and move on."

"What are you, an expert?"

"I've only done it once before."

"You've _proposed _to another woman?"

"Another woman?" Naruto raised an eyebrow. "Why, my dear, don't you remember? I proposed to you!"

"I…don't remember that."

"No, you wouldn't." He turned his body, shifting her position as well, so that they were both sitting up. "Since you've told your dark secret, I suppose my own should suffice."

"What secret is this?"

_Dappled sunlight flashed across his face, and refracted forever in his glacial eyes--_

"How I fell in love with you." He laughed. "Once upon a time…."

* * *

Wow….this one took awhile. I didn't want Ino to seem overly weepy, so I took pains to ensure that her tears are kept to a minimum in this chapter. She is allowed only three crying scenes every five chapters! And I do keep track of this!

Well, no. I don't. It's fun to pretend that I do, though.

Chouji's death seem a little too simple? Heh.

What was that snicker for? Oh, nothing. Nothing at all… ;)

To timewave zero: (and this will be a long one)

This is simply my own judgement. Have you, personally, ever seen a good male POV lemon? We men don't tend to lend sex the same emotional value that it is given by women. They, at the very least, need to _like _they guy they're sleeping with. Or they need to be massively drunk, and drugged. But that would make you a date rapist, so please ignore that aspect.

For comparison, here are two small vignettes, of the first-orgasm of a gender. One is garnered from my own worldly experience, while the other was dictated to me by a reputable female source, with whom I may or may not be sleeping with.

GIRL (here for quick verification, and for those who can't read gender cues.)

Oh. Now I'm naked. Well, this is kind of embarrassing. No, wait, I've done this before. I should be fine. Well, I think I should be fine. Why am I so nervous about this? He seems nice enough.

Ahhh! What the hell was that? His _tongue? _He's using his _tongue? _Is that allowed? Isn't that against the rules? Wait, are there rules for sex? Oh god, I'm overthinking this--ahhh! He's doing it again. Arrghlebargle. Arrrrrrhhhhhhh……!!--!!

_I love him, I love him, I love him I love him I love him I love him--_

(Note. This is often followed by the slightly less-romantic line; "Ohmygod, did I pee? Oh, god, I'msosorry, I didn't mean to pee--". Hilarious, but not exactly romantic. It took her then-boyfriend ten full minutes to convince her that; no, she was fine, she hadn't done anything filthy, that it was normal, and they were both going to shower anyways, so what was a little pee between friends?)

He is a laugh. I will admit that. I'm still _loads _better than him, though. Or at least I tell myself that at night.

BOY. (Har-de-har-har.)

Hm. Now she's naked. Cool. Cool. Right, keep calm, breathe. Breathe. 'Kay, now stick the thingy into the--hey! It slipped! Alright, try again--yes!



Huh. Is this it? It feels nice enough. Not great. I'd rather be playing on my Playstation, truth be told. Reprocuctive process, heh? Wow. Really overrated.

(I…wasn't like that. Really.

Fine, I was. Then, friendships with various feisty collegiate girls, and romances with them, set me straight. I hope.)

To Harlequin de Rustre: What I like most about your story is the mutability of your strange mentor. The harlequin is an odd stick, yet, since your story is still fresh, you can still mold him into all sorts of mental shapes. And since he seems slightly more than half-mad, no one gets bored of him.

YumeTakato: Thank you.

BackYard: love isn't all roses and posies, and chocolates, and meeting for drinks at the local clubs. It can also be kind of sad. Sadness makes for more interesting stories, after all.

SHADOW DRAGON TWISTER: Thank you as well. (I am never quite sure how to respond to compliments...)

o.Arcangel.o: I was on a mixture of peyote and paint thinner. Eventually, the veils of the mortal realm parted, revealing the truths of life and love, in their eternal, and ever-burning glories.

No, really? I was just pissed at all the trashy incoherent fics out there. I suppose I was high on…hmm, _anger? _I dunno.

snickerz71: Right! You're right. Er…damn…right. Damn right! I am a manly man! Rarrgh! Sweat! Testosterone! Yes…I can feel it working…

Your welcome, :P


	22. Innocence

Another chapter! Yes! More below.

* * *

Time passed, but Naruto never forgot the little wall.

Small, and stony, pitiful in comparison to the great outer Walls of konoha, it served as a small abridging construct between the residential and industrial sectors of his neighborhood. The wall had been everything to him. It was a cool hideout in the hot summer sun, and a warm hideaway in the winter chill. When things were too hot, too cold, or too lonely, he hid himself behind his little wall, king of his own private kingdom. Fr a time, the wall was his only friend.

And it deflected rocks, which was helpful. Rocks seemed to come all too often in those days. Big rocks, small rocks, rocks that were blue with little green flecks on them. Hardened pieces of dogshit that might have well been rocks. At the end of a long day, young Naruto catalogued more rock than a veteran geologist.

Anger, though it should have come naturally, was always just beyond his grasp. It wasn't their fault, was it? The villagers. They hated him for good reason, even if he didn't know what that reason was. Why else would they persecute him, scream epithets at his cramped living quarters, and encourage their children to bully him with sticks, and stones, and spit? Obviously, he had done something wrong. Somehow, he was receiving his due punishment.

Still, sometimes he would peek beyond his little wall, dodging a slimy piece of thrown trash, and enviously study the public playground of the Konoha park. All those children—those _good _children—playing with each other, and laughing. Joining them was impossible, but he could hope.

Hope, and stare. And stare.

For weeks, and months, staring was all that he could do.

It was the…third month. Yes, the third month was when everything changed.

--

"I _toldya _that he'd cry." A reedy voice cried, deeply pretentious. "I sawwit on the telly. There wazza cop show on, an' I saw a buncha cops beatin' uppa hobo. He had scrunchy eyes, anna broken nose, anna ugly, ugly mouth. An' he was cryin' too."

"Shuddup stoopid." Another voice, this one thick and slow. "Weea gonna gerrin trouble cozza you."

"Don't be ridiculous." The third voice was far clearer, and more coherent than the other two. "He's the stinker-boy. Like our mums and dads told us. No one cares about him."

"Please…" their victim whispered weakly. "Please let me go."

"Dun feel like it." Sneered the first voice—Ryou, his name was. Ah, he'd been such a bastard back then. Older too, which meant he was stronger.

"Mebbe we should." Chouji suggested. At eight years of age, he'd been slightly less chubby, and just as indecisive. "He's gunna cry again--"

"Can't let that happen." Shikamaru cut him off. He was younger than Ryou by a couple years, and younger than Chouji by a month, but they both saw him as their unchallengeable Great Leader. "This wall would make a better base for us than for him."

"I _hate you!_" Naruto shrieked. "You can't take my wall. I hate you forever!"

"Can I kickim again?" Ryou asked.

"Why not?" their leader raised an easy hand. "Have some fun."

"_HEY!_" a fifth voice—just rounding the corner. She was fifty paces away, but they could hear her. She'd always had a voice like a foghorn. "Whaddaya think you're doin?"

"Crap. It's her!" Ryou dashed off.

"Shuh-she'll kill us!" Chouji was not a step behind him.

"Hey! Come back!" Shikamaru called. "Hey! Come…aww nuggets." He cursed. "Idiots. Running away from a _girl._"

"That's Yamanaka Ino, Future ANBU captain to you, Shikamoron." She said, her tiny arms on her hips. "And if you wanna die, go ahead and keep talking. Otherwise, you'd better run."

"Don't be _stupid."_ the arrogant child-prodigy _poo-pooed_ her with a flick of his wrists. "Women don't become ANBU. They're nowhere near as strong as the men."

He would have said so much more, if it hadn't been for her elbow driving itself into his solar plexus. Ino's, of course. She screamed something unintelligible as she did so. "Raaaargh!" it might have been. Or perhaps "Nyyuuurgh!"

"Not fair!" Shikamaru's eyes bulged out of his face. "Not fair!"

Stomping his stomach into the ground, she pivoted expertly, and drove her full weight into his chest, yelling "Pile-driver!"

Then she rose and dusted her hands, letting him creep away. He said nothing this time. Ino's piledrivers had that effect on people.

"Jerk." She muttered. "Call three-on one fair? Humph."

Wordlessly, she extended a hand to the crouching child huddled by the wall.

"Please don't hurt me." He whispered.

"Why would I do that?" she tossed her head, shaking a mass of short-cropped hair. "You're…Naruto, right? Heard'a you. My mom and dad told me to stay away from you."

"Go away then." Naruto's introverted stance shrunk even further.

"I never listen to my mom and dad. Parents are stupid anyways." She didn't wait for his go-ahead—she simply hoisted him up by his collar. "My name's Ino by the way. I guess you already heard."

"I heard."

Her cheeks puffed out in a frustrated sigh. "What's with you? You're all…squishy. You don't stand up for yourself at all!"

"No I don't."

"Stop that! Stop being squishy!"

"Okay."

"That's it." Unable to take anymore, she clamped down on his hand. "I'm taking over."

"O—over what?"

"You! You're gonna be under my wing. I'll teach you everything I know about sticking up for yourself."

"You're younger than me." It was a guess. Probably a right one, but Naruto couldn't be sure.

"By a month." Her eyes flared up. "So? I can still kick your butt."

"Yes. Yes. Okay." Naruto bowed his head. "I'm sorry."

"Stop doing that!" She cuffed him, then softened. "it'll be fun. Like in that one movie--revenge of the twelve masters." her fingers coalesced into sharp knife-hands, and she began karate-chopping the air with fierce "hoo-yah's!".

"I haven't seen it." Her charge moped.

"No way. It's out in the cinema right now!"

"I haven't seen it."

"Alright. I was going to see it again anyways."

"No—what?"

Ino pulled him along, kicking his knees out from under him when he tried to scrabble away. "No problem! We'll watch it together. My parent's give me enough cash for that. They give me lots." She cupped her hand around his ear, and whispered confidentially; "I think we might be rich."

"That's…nice?"

"Yup." At the Cineplex, she pulled out a few crumbled bills. "Two tickets please."

"Two?" the ticketer asked incredulous. "Darling, this is your fifth time already! Why don't you watch one of our other movies? The return of the pretty pink pony is rather nice, I've heard."

"I hate ponies." Ino scowled. "Give me my tickets or--"

"Yes yes." The ticketer responded, bemused. "One for you and one for your friend."

"But not my _boy _friend." Ino said loudly. "He's too wimpy. I'm helping him out is all. Everyone ought to see the Twelve Masters." She nudged her companion. "Come on!"

"I don't see what you're on about." he crossed his army, grumpy. "I bet it's just like any other movie."

--

But of course, it was not. Two hours later, he was stumbling from the musty double doors, rank with the stench of popcorn and sweat, his eyes studded with images he would never forget.

"That was--"

"Brilliant." She finished.

"The part with the sword! And the spear! And those baskets!"

"Uh-huh."

"And then at the end, when the boy stands at the waterfall, and screams—"

"I am the world!" Ino giggled. "He needed to get a grip."

"But still!"

"Yeah."

Naruto pirouetted in the open air, battering away shadows with his tiny fists. "Hah! Hi-yah!"

"Crane style?" Ino asked.

"Mantis!"

"Then I use horse!"

"That's only good for taking a dump with."

"It is not!" she cuffed him again. "Take that back."

"Oka—" realizing what he was doing, the boy stopped himself. "Wait." His eyes narrowed. "No."

Ino turned, a smile spreading across her lips. "What was that?"

"I said no. I don't have to agree with you."

"Now we're getting somewhere!" she cuffed him a third time.

"Ooow! What was that for?"

"Catch me if you can!" she cried, sprinting at a madcap pace down the street.

"Hey! Wait!" with little choice, he followed.

Smiling. Maybe for the first time in his life.

"When you catch up," she said, faintly, from a distance, "Let's figure out how to put this newfound courage of yours to good use…."

--

A few weeks later, he was in the playground, facing down Shikamaru, Ryou, and Chouji.

" Nuh-uh." Ryou sneered. "Who said you could come here, Narutard?"

"Who's stopping me, Ryoubot?" he shot back.

"He-he's grown-a s-spine!" Chouji stammered, trying his best to be menacing.

"Probably needed Ino to kick it into him." Shikamaru muttered. There were bruises and scratches all over his face and elbows. "Stupid…stupid girl."

"I just wanna play here." Naruto spread his hands. "Like you guys."

"Is Ino around?" Ryou asked cautiously.

"She has flower arranging class today." Their leader grinned. "She won't be out for another hour."

"Yes!" Ryou threw a fist skywards. "Beatin' time!"

"Just try it." Naruto sneered. His fists formed points. "Mantis style!"

"H-he knows k-k-k-k-ung fu!" Chouji gasped.

"He's bluffing." Shikamaru gauged. "Kick him, Ryou."

"'kay."

"Wait for Ryou to strike." Naruto murmured under his breath. "He'll go first 'cause he's stupid."

"What was that?!" Ryou kicked him.

"Dodge under the foot." Naruto recited, as if by rote. "grab it and twist it like a doorknob."

"Yow!" Ryou screamed.

"Then _swing." _Naruto grunted, "And _fall. _And then you have to yell…" he inhaled.

His foot swung up, to catch Ryou's trapped leg. Both of their bodies toppled, but Naruto made sure that the older boy toppled first.

"_PILEDRIVER!"_ rang his voice, across the neighborhood.

"Aaaak!" Ryou screamed.

"Aaaaiiieeeee!" CHouji screamed.

"Raaaaagh!" Naruto screamed.

"Please." Shikamaru winced. "stop."

Chouji ran away, quite quickly for a boy of his size. Ryou limped out from the dirt, and ducked behind his leader.

The young not-yet-a ninja gazed at Naruto with cool, seeking eyes.

"You're not half bad." Shikamaru conceded, eventually. "Wanna hang with us?"

"Alright." Naruto answered, cool as ice. "Let's meet up here tomorrow, then. Same place?"

"Same place." His newfound allies agreed.

"K'ay." He grinned. "That's great. That's great."

It has often been said that women negotiate their bonds with words, and betrayals, and friendships built on shifting grounds of political and subjective power. Men find this odd.

They negotiate by hitting each other. And more often than not, it works.

--

--

He had to come in the dead of night, because her parents had heard the rumors from other parents, (nothing serious, simply that their daughter was CONSORTING WITH THE DEMONIC KYUUBI-CHILD.)and had decided to post a guard around their front gate. His name was Jin, and he was a slow, myopic old man who slept on the job, more often than not. Naruto slipped past him easily.

He picked up a few small pebbles and threw them at her window, waiting for her response. From the maintenance shaft of the Yamanka family house, emerged a sooty young would-be princess, looking irate as could be.

"You idiot!" she hissed. "Coming here in the dead of night! Boys are so stupid! Stupid Stupid Stupid. How did it go?"

It took him some time to sense her immediate shift in mood. "It went great! They want me to hang with them!"

"Mission accomplished." She smacked her lips with pride.

"But…" he frowned. "I want to hang with you too."

"I can't." She sighed. "I've got flower arranging sessions. Then I've got tea ceremonies. And then cooking lessons. Ugh."

"Escape!"

"Sasuke likes traditional type girls. My mother told me."

"Sasuke? Who's he?"

"He's…" Ino blushed. Naruto had never seen a girl blush before. His heart jumped into his throat. "He's the dreamiest guy around! Oh, he's so handsome, and he's just like a prince!"

"What's so great about him?"

"Everything! He's talented in martial arts, sports, and he learns really quickly too." She eyed him carefully. So why'd you come all the way out to my house for?"

"Huh? Well…" he blinked rapidly. This Sasuke character had changed his plans quite a bit. "I…"

"Out with it!" she demanded.

His brows knit angrily, and that anger gave him courage. "I--I'm gonna marry you someday!" he said.

Just for that instant, he was _more _dashing than Sasuke. His shaggy hair flared about him, and his young face burned with determination.

Ino felt another blush rising to her cheeks. She had to stop it, quickly!

"Hah!" she laughed, and by laughing she stopped the thudding of her heart by a few beats. "Hah! You're funny. I just told you, dummy. Sasuke's the only one for me."

"But why?"

"I told you! He's handsome, smart, funny, probably good at cooking, handsome, skilled, dreamy, brooding—did I mention handsome?"

She had to take this odd emotion welling up inside of her, and stuff it away. Like butterflies in her stomach! How odd!

"What if…" Young Naruto's glacier-blue eyes centered squarely on her own. "What if I turn out to be like that? Handsome, smart, funny, probably good at cooking, handsome, skilled, and dreamy? Would you go out with me then?"

The butterflies fluttered at a fever pitch. Ino wondered--was this love?

No. She loved Sasuke. Because he was sooooo good looking, and that filthy pig Sakura wouldn't beat her to the punch!

But…looking into Naruto's brazen eyes, all her justifications fell to ashes.

"Maybe." She stuttered, finally. "Maybe."

And then she vanished back into her house. He was still there when she reached her bedroom, just watching.

"I'll be waiting for you." she whispered to herself.

But Naruto was a splendid lip-reader, and he knew what it was she had said.

--

"As the years passed," Naruto finished, "Ino forgot about him. Sasuke was…well, he was a bunch of things, and Naruto was no good at any of them. But Naruto knew it was only a matter of time. Every day--he looked at her, thought of her, and realized he'd found something more precious than gold, or jewels, or pearls, or fine wines. He'd found a reason to live.

And that, my love, is the most wonderful thing in the world."

"I like that story." Ino said, clasped against him.

"So do I."

"I feel guilty for not remembering it."

"Don't trouble yourself. Guys are supposed to remember girls, not the other way around."

"Imagine." She whispered. "I'm responsible for unleashing the inner playboy of one of the greatest libertines the world has ever known.

"Yes." He replied, utterly bland. "You should write some apologies."

"What, to _all _of your old girlfriends?"

"No, to all the women in the world who will never get to feel my touch, because I am now happily and permanently attached to you."

"Hey. Cool it." she tapped his temple. "I can still throw a mean cuff."

"Mantis style." He countered, tapping her forehead. They shared a secret laugh.

"And look." She sighed. "It's nighttime already."

"Home, then. We shall continue these activities at our leisure."

"Together?" she asked, holding out an elbow. She already knew the answer.

"But of course!" he grinned. "There's something that I've always wanted to try."

"That sounds promising."

Hand in hand, arm in arm, they walked the streets of the Konoha countryside, their heads tilted, their faces close.

The night seemed to blush out of propriety.

--

As several reviewers have discovered, my prose is slipping. This would be a result of lack of sleep and laziness—the latter more so than the former. I put a bit more effort into this one. It may and/or may not show.

Timewave Zero:

My god. Real criticism. Real, down-to earth critique!

Must stay calm, must stay calm…

Response formulated!

Ahem; You sir, are a jerk. A jerky jerk. I am so upset by your review that I will write no more! Never again! Never!

Melodrama aside, thank you for pointing out my incoherent-ness. Incoherentinity. Incoherency. My mind has been traveling in a series of closed loops, of late. Little hoops for tigers to jump through, and the tigers are my thoughts…

Arrgh. My mind is like a mescaline factory that _never turns off._

Ignore the craziness. That's just my creativity expressing itself. Badly. I'll knock it around for a bit, put it back in its place.

Harlequin de Rustre: Cliffhangers are what I do. Well, dishes. I do dishes too. Oh, and cooking. And laundry, but only when it's my turn to.

BackYard: Thank you.

YumeTakato: Not poor. Everyone has to deal with this kind of stuff sometime. Most of us deal with it alone. In that sense, Naruto is a sort of extended experiment; how do women react when they don't have to face their fears and insecurities alone?

snickerz71: well, I thought the last chapter was fairly weak, myself. Nonetheless, the reader is always right!

Now I'll devolve this story into a series of shorter stories; "Windows", if you will. They are the best for short, sweet semi-lemons and fluff, and will also present a 'fleshing out' of this relationship, so to speak.

PS. Don't fret about Shikamaru and Chouji's kind-of-evilness. We are all little monsters when we are young. What's so impressive is that we can grow out of it.


	23. The Black Parade

* * *

After a long hiatus, I have returned, like Lazarus from his crypt. Only slightly better-smelling!

Finals, as those of you who suffered through them now know, are _over. _The great tests that plagued us like hornets buzzing in our ears--they are gone!

I fully intend to waste my summer away with all possible haste. And what better way to waste time than to write a few more steamy chapters involving the two most popular characters in the Naruto universe?

(And for those of you who like other characters, shut up, we don't like you, and you're wrong about everything anyways.) :)

* * *

_June_

* * *

The doors to his floor were oak-paneled, simply because he liked the smell. A hint here, a bribe there—during the Konoha reconstruction, architects had been common, and easily-swayed. While the other ANBU lieutenants languished in their iron cubicles (well, fabric cubicles, but they were _like _iron), Naruto enjoyed a bit of freedom in his private, woody office, where he spent his time dealing with the many security threats that ANBU had been designed to combat.

Or so he claimed. Ino liked to sneak peeks at him through his office blinds when he wasn't looking. At the moment, he was juggling a pencil on the tip of a perfectly formed finger, doodling on a few forms, and frequently sipping at a hot cup of tea. (A small secret she'd winnowed out of him; coffee gave him bad breath)

Officers. All they ever did was slack off.

The female secretaries and receptionists had all heard of his reputation. They peeked into the office as well. It was a sport now, of sorts. Watching Naruto was like watching a lion in a zoo; majestic, sleek, leonine, yet untouchable.

For all save Ino, who had touched, and been touched more times than she could count. And then some.

Her desk phone range, jolting her from her inner contemplation.

"Hello?" His voice was rich, with a slight lilt. She could imagine his raised eyebrow, the quirk of his smug lips around that _amazing _tongue of his. Absolutely amazing.

"Hi?" The best way to greet someone was with a question. It left an open, pregnant silence, waiting to be filled.

"Everyone's staring at me through my blinds, aren't they?"

Through the gap in his window, Ino saw the flash of his blue eyes. So he'd noticed? "Not at all." She responded. "You overrate yourself, sir."

"Sir?"

"Well, I'm on duty, _Sir." _repeated Ino, with emphasis on the honorific. "To address you familiarly would be scandalous."

"Scandalous." Naruto's voice was tetchy. "Really? You care about propriety?"

"Careful with that tone, sir." For her own wicked amusement, Ino added, "you know, sexual harassment suits are getting to be more and more common these days."

"Is that so?" His voice hushed to a whispering, playful growl. Ino smiled. She knew that voice.



"yes sir! We lieutenants must consistently strive for regulation and prudence."

Over the phone, she heard the sound of barely restrained laughter. "You weren't very…prudent…last night, love. Did you know, that when you cum, you can swear fluently in five languages? I had no idea you even _spoke _Swahili."

Ino colored almost immediately. "That was off duty, sir. Totally different circumstances."

"Off duty, on duty" a gust of wind crackled across the line; his breath, blowing the air out of his face. "I notice that you sound a bit heated, Ino."

"No—not at all." Ino glared across her cubicle to stifle Tenten, who was listening in on the conversation, and giggling. "I couldn't be more composed."

"You're looking gorgeous, by the way." He remarked. "I love that new top of yours."

"Do you?" they shared the same taste, then. Ino's brown not-quite-frilled top, a body-hugger that straddled the line between shirt and skirt, was one of her favorites as well. "So do I."

In a stronger, passionate tone, he said "But I bet you'd look even better without it."

"Ah…" Ino was hooked. Tenten was looking at her with her customary wide-eyed innocence.

"You have beautiful legs. Golden like the sun, and _lithe_. If I taste them once, I never want to taste anything else again for the rest of the day, just to keep that flavor fresh at the tip of my tongue."

"Get _off_" Ino hissed at Tenten, who was listening along dreamily. She was entranced, just like her co-worker. Naruto knew the deepest, darkest secret of female narcissism; the most arousing experience a woman could have wasn't simply _feeling _beautiful, but being _told _it, over and over again, with poetic abandon.

"Oh he's good." Tenten gulped.

"Get _off" _Ino scowled again, grabbing her pen-holder. An expertly thrown pencil sent the nosy hellion back to her own business, swearing like a sailor.

"Do I hear Tenten in the background? I distinctly heard someone say 'by the seven balls of the anchor-blasted sea-krakens'." As always, his voice emanated a bemused quality.

"Yes." Ino whispered. "That was her, rearing from my fantastic close-combat skills." She relished the sound of his laugh. "Do go on, though."

"The curve of your neck, where you apply your perfume…you smell like roses, Ino. All the time."

"It's expensive, you know."

"Well-spent." The desire in his voice was _tangible—_and she felt a responding, equally strong desire, almost as though he were right there, in front of her. "You smell _fantastic_. I can remember it, even when you're not here. Every nuance."

"Nng." Ino grunted. She was in full view of Tenten; there was nothing she could do about the intense lust that was burning holes through her heart.

"Your hair is silk. In the light, it shimmers golden, but in the darkness it burns and smolders...like fire, framing your shoulders. Those shoulders that I love to kiss…"

She had no idea that she was gnawing on her pencil until her teeth broke through the lead core. "Damn." Her mouth tasted of wood.

"Interrupting something, love?"

"No!" the outburst was far louder than she had intended it to be. All around the office, heads swiveled, and eyes turned, to fix on the lovely Miss Yamanaka, oh, wasn't-she-looking-nice today, and why-did-she-look-so-bothered? Ino slowly removed her hand from the edge of her top, from where it had been creeping slowly upwards for the past minute.

"Tsunade's rounding on your right." Naruto warned. "You might want to put down the phone."

"_Putain_!"

"French? You can swear in French too?"

"What? Did I?"

"Subconscious talents, Ms. Yamanaka? Very nice. Maybe I _should _try some French pillow-talk. _Tu as le meilleur con que je n'ai jamais mangé ._"

The earth shook. Tsunade had not garnered her fearsome nickname for nothing.

"What do I do?" Ino panicked. "What do I do?"

"Clash of the titans, love. Sweet-talk her. I'll do the rest. I'll try, at least."

Fat lot of good that did her. Naruto was an amazing man, but he couldn't pull miracles.

Beside her, a swath of green-and-white blinded her vision.

"And what," Tsunade asked, "Are you doing, exactly?"

"I--He--Working!" was the best that Ino could do. "Working, laboring, etc." She laughed a very false, tinny laugh. "Oh-ho! When are you going to send me out on a mission?"

"As soon as our timeframe permits." With uncanny perception, Tsunade eyed her phone, and pressed the 'SPEAKER' button. "May I ask who this is?" she boomed.



"Hawamisukizawaya Tetsuo-do" responded a voice so nasal and banal that Ino could scarcely believe it to be Naruto's. "Negotiating the price of our newest mission for you leafies."

"leafies" was the new slang for Konoha, on the streets. Nothing made Tsunade angrier.

"Farmer, are you?" the red-faced Hokage puffed. "Dirt-eater?"

"Those the manners that they taught you in that fancy-schmancy leaf school, missus?"

Ino quietly made her escape before Tsunade lost control. She could hear the shattering of a phone behind her, and Tsunade's exasperated gasp; "Men! Stupid stupid men!"

Oh, she knew the feeling. Her exasperation, however, was mixed with amazement. Some men really _were _miracle workers.

"I have papers for the captain." She told a receptionist. "Tell the hokage if she asks."

"Papers?" The receptionist, a bland-seeming woman with a flair for regulations, glanced about Ino's person. "Where?"

"I sent them beforehand." Ino lied. "Now I'll fetch them."

The receptionist shrugged uncomfortably, revealing a small three-inch hole in the office blinds behind her. Cunning! She'd been watching her boss from a private viewpoint.

"She's fine!" Naruto called. "Let her in."

The receptionist's reluctance was palpable, but insignificant. Ino pushed past her, then shut the gap within the blinds, out of spite.

"I wanted to do that." Came a voice from behind her. " But it would have been unseemly. You know, the receptionists seemed to be enjoying themselves, and--"

Fingers flying, Ino rushed to tighten the blinds, fixing all the thin spots and transparencies. His words flew past her ears, unheard. Strings to tie, sheets to upend, quickly, quickly, before she lost herself within her own voracious sexual appetite.

"--and my motto is, never interrupt a woman who's having a good time." He peeked over her shoulder. "Finished?"

Her lips were his answer, as she tackled him backwards, splaying him across his own desk. Cinnamon laced the air with its powerful, heady scent. Simply breathing him in fulfilled a host of amazing, sensual pleasures.

"I have been waiting…" she gasped. "All day. Just to do that."

"And?"

"Not bad." She wiped her mouth. "You should be a phone-sex operator, by the way."

"Words are simply another dimension of romance. A bridge of love that binds my heart to your…stunning body."

"Forget what I just said; you should be a phone-sex operator-cum-poet."

"Oh, I'd focus too much on the _cum, _and forget the poet part." He split his fingers, and slipped them into her top. "That's just my character."

"Down, boy." Ino ordered, putting her hand atop his head. (and tying her fingers into his hair—_god, _she loved how that felt.)

"Down?" complained Naruto. "What do you think I am, a dog? "

"--You misunderstand!" she grinned, her eyes wide. "I meant…_down._ As in, _ go down."_

"Ah." He willingly submitted to the light pressure she was applying. "I can go with that." The fabric lining of her zipper slowly peeled away, before his teeth. "I was hoping for an early lunch anyways."

"Cheeky bastard."

How he maneuvered her out of her tight-fitting jeans was beyond her. God only knew, they were hard enough to put on, much less take off. Still, she'd take a pair of ill-fitting jeans over a dress any day. His tongue jittered across the damp fabric of her panties.

"Lace?" the hum of his voice vibrated smoothly through her sex, and she let out an involuntary breath. "On a workday? Ino, you've outdone yourself."

"I like to look good. And wearing lace feels…decadent. I love how it feels against my skin."

"You're going to love this, then." The panties slid down her legs, soundless, warm, wet.

"_oh yessss."_

"I think I'll take these." He murmured.

"Like them, do you?" A weakness! Ino felt a spurt of giddy glee at discovering one of his sexual deviancies.

Instead of answering, he slipped his fingers into her sex. Her hands shot to her breasts, squeezing them through her top. "Oh, lover, you have no idea how…_mmmm…_that feels."

"You're giving me a good enough idea." His teeth were hard across her soft sex, and his nose gave a nasal, unbelievably pleasurable buzz. "But I warn you, I'm not going to stop until you're paralyzed with this…_mmm_…that you keep on talking about."

From the door, a knock. Then two.

"Oh _hell_."

* * *

Her semi-long black hair was a particular source of pride for Tenten. Neji had convinced her to let it out of her customary bun, after hours of coaxing and shameless compliments, and she'd kept her hair undone ever since. Sometimes she'd let Ino braid it when they had absolutely nothing else to do. When she walked in through the door, it trailed behind her like a liquid-black second shadow.

"Ino!" she exclaimed. "There you are. Tsunade's busy repairing your phone—come on. Let's do a quick lunch before she notices we're gone.

Ino was sitting in Naruto's desk, her legs thrust deep underneath the wooden overhand, a curious expression on her face. She looked as though she could barely keep from laughing. "Can't." she rasped. "Got. Got. Got office guarding duty. C-c-c-c-aptain's orders."

"During lunch hour?" Tenten was enraged. "Oh that bastard! He's your lover! Tell him to piss off."

"S'okay." The blonde kunoichi gazed mournfully upwards. "I'm alright."

"No, you're coming with me."

At the word 'coming', Ino gave a little jerk. "I'll be cumming here, thank you." She muttered.

"Eh?"

"No, sorry. Can you get me something while you're out?"

"Sure." As her friend, Tenten knew when Ino was obstinate, and when she was not. "Banana daiquiri? That's a new drink they're selling at the local shop."

"Mmmm…" Ino nodded, her affirmation so passionate and loud, it seemed like a moan. "p-please." She added. "oh, p-p-please."

"Can and will do." Tenten paused. "You alright? You look…ruddy. Flushed."

"Yes!" Ino squeaked, her voice cracking from a dry throat. ""Ohmygod! Yes! Yes!"

"Yes?"

"…I'm good. I'm…" an audible gulp. "Very good."

"…Right. I'll be back in a jiff."

"Great! Oh…that's _great." _For no apparent reason, Ino thumped at her desk, raked her hands through her hair. "That's great, great greahhhhhh…."

Tenten cocked her head. "You aren't…"

"ahhh-ah-aye-Yes?" Her friend blinked owlishly.

"Never mind. I'll be back before you know it, so be good."

"_Hmmmm_. No promises." For a moment, Ino's emerald eyes sparkled clearly and mischievously. "You know me."

"Then be _sort _of good. Half-good."

"I'll try-ah-ahhh." She shuddered. "Ahh! Auuuhhmmmhm."

Uncertainly, Tenten crept towards Ino's blushing, trembling frame.

"Don't!" Ino warned. "It's fine. I'm totally system a-OK. Just a few letters stuck in the wrong fusebox. Don't blabble the kitty-cat on my account."

"As you say." A smile was beginning to play across Tenten's full lips, as she realized what was happening before her very eyes. "I shall blabble no kitty-cats."

"That's very good. Mn! Ah-hem, yes. Wouldn't want the—Oh!-- magenta to Freud you."

With every sudden jerk that Ino gave, Tenten found herself lurching in sympathy. Ino's nails were actually scratching grooves into a solid oak desk! Grooves!

Now that she'd realized, it was obvious. The shallow breathing, the tenseness, then looseness, then tenseness. Ino's form-fitting top hid little; her nipples were unmistakably stiff, even through two layers of lace and cotton. She was trying, surreptitiously, to prod them with the tip of her pen.

Like the foreshock that traveled unseen through the land ere an earthquake, Ino was building up to something _big._

With silent, tiny footsteps, Tenten left the office, leaving just in time to hear another cry—this one so intense that she could see tiny, sparkling tears prickling the edge of Ino's eyes. _Tears._

She shut the door—quickly. Then she simply stood, hot in the face, wondering how it would feel to…to do what Ino was doing, right this instant. She imagined the embarrassment of public intercourse--how thrilling it would be, knowing that someone could walk in, any moment, any _second. _

At last, she acted.

"Neji" She called, loudly. He was never far. "I…need you. For something."

His black hair, the same shade as hers, peeked from around the corner. "I am busy, you know." He offhandedly remarked, his back straight. "I have got things. To do. They are very important."

"We both know your main duty of the day is following me around."

"You impugn me!"



"No, I endear you." She skipped out to his side and pulled his arm by the sleeve of his silk shirt. "Your office is this way?"

"Yes." Neji's eyes glinted, catlike. "Yes it is."

"Very good." Her jealousy dissipated. To hell with Naruto; she had her own tall, dark, handsome prince at her beck and call. "_Very _good."

* * *

"Get out from under that desk, you idiot!"

"With pleasure. I was getting cramped."

"Why did you…why did you have to do that? In front of Tenten, no less!"

"She's your BFF. Am I getting that acronym right? Best Friend Forever? She's seen you do worse. Plus, I didn't expect you to take so long. Maybe my skills are getting rusty."

"I…I appreciate the hard work, if that's any consolation."

"Are those _tears?"_

"No. Yes. I was yawning."

"Right, during _sex._"

"Girls can yawn during sex. It's allowed"

"Not while I'm around. It's my job to keep you on the tips of your toes. Literally."

"Oh. _Oh. _ahh_…"_

* * *

"Where have you been?" Tsunade asked him, just as he left his office. "What have you been up to? Ino's been out as well. Tenten--no, she's helping Neji file papers in his office. They're working so industriously too! I can hear them working from here. All that grunting; they must be lifting some heavy stacks. Why aren't you hard at work?"

"I was snacking." Her third-in-command purred. "Something sweet to get me through the day."

"Good to know you're eating properly." His hokage grudgingly admitted. "Dango, was it? Or maybe a pastry?"

"A creamy one." Naruto laughed. "Sweet. A bit…_tart." _

He licked the back of his hand, and ducked to avoid a haphazardly thrown pencil from within his office. "Thank you for the meal, lieutenant." he called.

"Despicable man. You had Ino treat you to lunch?"

"Well..." He looked at Tsunade. It was amazing how much innuendo the man could fit into a single glance. "In a manner of speaking, yes." His lips suckled on his index finger, which was coated in something clear and musky. "My favorite dish."

Tsunade glanced within his office, and was greeted with the splendid sight of Ino's exhausted form, slumped over his office chair. Her glazed eyes glimmered with a moment of frozen passion, and a surplus of mischievous fulfillment.

She blanched. "You can't possibly mean…"

"Mmmhmm. The best beverage in the world, for those who wish to live to be healthy, wealthy and wise. I hear it's rich in antioxidants. And I like the taste. _Absolutely love _it."

Not for the first time, Tsunade found herself in awe of the creature that Jiraiya had produced. Awed, and, though the thought horrified her, attracted.

She had to marry him off right away. Otherwise, there was no telling how much damage he might wreak on womankind.

* * *

_Somewhere far away:_

She stood at the corner, bruised and bare, and ignored. No one saw her; no one wanted to see the world reflected in her eyes. When she closed them, she imagined that all that the passers-by saw was another wall, another brick, just a piece of litter on the street. She was a whore, after all. Whores were always trash.

In the distance, farmers tilled the vast fields of rice that gave her country its trademark name. They did not come to her. They had homes, and families, and wives and children; close-knit ties that she dreamt of, but did not—could not—have.

Her men were the shifty-eyed gamblers, the apathetic and the bored. Diversions drove them, and what she gave was the best kind of diversion. For a fee. That was how she lived.

From behind, the clink of boots. The slap of money into her palm, then the feel of greasy, greedy hands. No words were exchanged. Only the new girls actually spoke to their johns. They seemed to think that the men really cared.

One minute.

Two.

Three. She shut her eyes and shifted uncomfortably. They usually didn't take this long.

Four, and he was done. And gone. She eyed the money, sighing.

Paper. Again. She'd been cheated, but she was beyond hatred at this point.

_Stereophone hum, allover, happyplace, sadplace. _



Her bare feet cut themselves on a discarded needle. _Her _needle. They were expensive, effective, but the packaging was always slippery. When she had injected its beautiful pink payload, her hands jittering from withdrawal, it had shattered across the ground. She lapped up what she could, and left the rest.

"I want to die." A small whisper, almost unintelligible. Had it been hers? "So fucking beautiful, too perfect, gotta just…just take it away, wanna die…"

_Die here die there, laugh it off, no one wants to _

_Know_

_Tune in, turn off, drop out, drop out, drop out. _

_Cuckold, you were only ever a stupid cuckold_

_ He doesn't love you_

_He never loved you. That's why he called off the wedding. Does make sad?_

_ There's no point Give up That you _

_YOU ARE DYING._

Tears marred her vision. Her dealer had promised that the drugs would help her forget. This too, had been a lie. All it did was make things worse; make the voices louder, make the visions hit harder, cause a face, _his _face, to flash leeringly in her mind.

_Fuck. _A tendril of thought, terrifying yet seductive. _Fuck them. _

_Men._

_MEN! MEN!_

_Kill them all. _

_Kill them all. _

"Yes…"

There were eyes everywhere, watching from the walls and the sky. A cloaked figure was leaning over her, swathed in shadow. Where had she come from? Who cared?

" Yes…" its voice was unmistakably female. "That's the spirit. No sadness. None of that. Turn it into hatred."

The whore turned. Not a hint of surprise broke through her mask of morphine-dazed apathy. "Are you death?"



"No." the cloak fell away, but what was underneath it? A face…but not. Something, something…something too terrible to remember, or even to describe. At a fundamental level, it was so…_wrong. _"I'm here to give you what you always wanted. Revenge on him. Revenge on all of them."

"On who?"

"Dear, you know who. Since the dawn of time, it's always been _us, _and _them._ I speak of the bastards. The _men."_

"What do I have to do?"

"Join us." The cloaked figure spread her arm, and pointed to the streets. Faintly, the streetwalker-girl could hear the tramping of feet.

"Who are they?"

"They're just like you."

Hundreds of women poured into the street, some familiar, some foreign. They grasped brooms, knives, lengths of rope, pipes, firearms. But their expressions were all the same.

These were the downtrodden. These were the cheated-on, tricked, ignored, bought-and-sold women. They were Sally, who had to walk on tiptoes because her high-heels had shrunken her thigh tendons. They were Sheryl, who engaged in office prostitution simply to survive in the workplace. They were Martha, the poor young girl who had been deflowered in an alleyway by a man twice her age; a man she never saw again.

Her _people. _As they rushed through the City, screaming, and ripping and tearing, she could sense their anger--their fear.

_MEN!_

_KILL THE MEN!_

"Join us." The cloaked figure repeated. "All you need is blood. A first kill." She gestured. " Behind you."

Without being prompted, she sensed his presence. A man was cowering in an alley, not two feet from where she stood. Rings of drool and snot ran from his face.

She looked. She saw in him everything she hated in his kind. The cheating, the drinking, the beatings, the broken promises, the _lies. _And she raised her hand, clenched about her discarded needle. And then she…

…

…

_WELCOME TO THE BLACK PARADE._

* * *

Yes, I am well-informed when it comes to do with the frustration of the fairer sex. I am currently dating a veritable _mouthpiece _for the feminist cause. From what I can understand, those of you who are women are all very angry people, bitter with the weight of a thousand years of bigoted patriarchal domination.

Ha. I was kidding there. You're not really secretly planning to take over the world...right?

Right?

Oh dear...

* * *

Right, responses!

Timewave Zero: You pierce me with your fiercely combative words! My ego (paper-thin as it is) is no armor against this assault! Oh how my heart cries! Oh how it laments!

Nice critique, as always. I'm warning you--you tempt me to find one of your stories and let rip a fiercely deconstructive post of my own!

My dialogue when it comes to children is understandably weak. This is because i was never actually a child. My upbringing in the customary larval shell of all the Xe'Je'k Niss aliens, severely hampered my ability to learn juvenile human speech.

As for cliches, those have no excuse. I am trying to quickly move the plot forward so we can get back to those gruesome, gory fight scenes. Oh yes? Oh yes.

2012 is actually the day that ragged robin arrives back through time, after having looped her causal identity around the universe a multitude of times. Reuniting with her long-lost lover King Mob, she rips the fabric of our holographic meta-universe in two, allowing the trapped souls of this plane to ascend into the higher transdimensions of butterfly-thought.

To understand the refernce, read The Invisibles. by Grant Morrison. Or take a hit of LSD. They work equally well.

YumeTakato: I am sorry that you lost your brain. Please recover it soon; I would hate to live, knowing that someone's mind was irreplaceably lost on my account.

Tergar of Konoha: I beg to differ. The best part of sex is what builds up to it. Foreplay is like an intricate dance between two creatures; one, a dazzling she-leopordess, feinting in and out of arousal, another, a lumbering monkey who is capable only of humping things. All in all, there is no better game on this planet.

Bobert4242: Thank you, but there is no need to defend this particular author. All my problems are clear enough to see; my criticism is well-deserved. So long as no one goes around insulting my mother, or shedding doubt on my paternity, I can carry on just as well.

VizioMonitor: NarutoIno is underdone, i suppose because people think that Sakura and Ino are too similar to diffrentiate between. Characterization is all in your own writing, not in someone else's.

Ino's POV is the best, since women tend to think things through, whereas men simply _do. _

snickerz71: As the old russian saying goes, that which does not kill me makes me stronger. Except for smallpox. Oh, and paralysis. And Cystic fibrosis. Cancer too. Broken bones, immunopathic diseases, umm...

Ryan L. Spradling: I am not particularly eager to put a bun in my favorite character's oven just yet.

The common misconception of society seems to be that women all lust to have little babies growing inside them. In reality, there is no real trend; some do, some don't, in equal parts.

If, and when Ino becomes pregnant, it will be because she faced down her own insecurities over the idea, and accepted it, in tandem with her lover.

Plus, I don't want to try writing a romantic condom scene. "Naruto's protective plastic sheath slid silkily down the length of his tremendous ten-foot prick"...euuurgh. Not in a million years.

Killer Intent: If you get this far; Yes, the story continues! Hip-Hip Hooray!

* * *


	24. Tales of Debauchery

_August_

_Who am I?_

A sense of detached existentialism took hold of Ino whenever she dreamt of flight.

_Who cares?_

No one did. While she slumbered, her mind wandered far and wide, from the edges of the Great Sea that rounded Umigakure to the far reaches of the Arid Wastes, cloaked in Sunagakure's veil of sandstorms and fierce desert heat. Distances were nothing to the mind's eye. Distances were simply formalities; pish and piffle to be observed by mundane, and the earthbound. She was neither.

She was _free. _

Night devoured the sunlit lands of the Fire country, but left a trailing kiss of gentle moonlight to bathe the darkened valleys with an ethereal glow. To the south, nothing. To the north, nothing. To the east, again, nothing. Her nightly inspections, done more for personal satisfaction than out of any need for security, would once again turn out to be satisfyingly uneventful, just as they were every other night.

To the west…

_WE CAN SEE YOU._

Something large, and black. A cloying scent of rotting meat, followed by a vast cloud of tainted emotion that turned the higher planes black with rage.

_Suffocating hands! _

_Filthy essences, corrupting, violating, ripping and tearing! Corporeality, vicious, vicious corporeality, raping her astral form through the ether--_

_Someone held her, and would not let go…._

_ HELLO INO!_

_ GUESS WHAT?  
_

_WE'RE BAAAA—AAACK!_

_Spiral waveforms—the subconscious psychic symbols of chaos and pain, erupting across everything at once, simultaneously, in tandem. Her fail safe--the reassuring tug of awareness, of wakefulness, almost not-quite maybe--_

_YOU THOUGHT WE WERE DEAD! AND WE ARE! YUP, YES-SIR! WE ARE! BUT WE'RE HERE, INO, AND WE'RE HUNGRY. HUNGRY! YES-SIR! WE'RE BACK AND WE'RE HUNGRY, AND YOU KNOW WHO WE ARE!_

_**YOU KNOW WHO WE ARE!**_

* * *

"Hey."

"Hhhhk! Hhggk!"

"_Hey!"_

"No! No! nn--nno!"

It was not often that Naruto found himself assaulted at five in the morning. Certainly not in a violent, willfully destructive manner, by a thrashing half-clothed berserker.

She'd been a normal woman only ten minutes before. How was he to know?

Chakra enhanced strength coursed through her blood and bones--that was easy to counter. Brute force had never been a problem for him. But Ino, as so many people tended to forget, was also an empathic mental projector of the first order; it took years to accomplish what she did with talent alone.

And when mind and body flailed in abject terror, the result was a spectacular display of how much damage an ANBU Lieutenant was capable of.

"Damn and blast." He swore, ducking behind a lamp-table. When he emerged from behind it, there were two of him, then four, then twenty. The technique came naturally to him; signs and vocal modifiers had long-ago become unnecessary.

"Calm down" he said, with twenty mouths, backed by forty arms. All twenty subsequently dispersed into smoke when Ino swept a raging arm through all of them. "Calm down Ino!"

From the bed, she glared, not at him, but at the wall behind him, as if he weren't there. Her eyes were wide, frenzied with something that was not-quite bloodlust.

"What's going on?" he fluttered his wrist to nullify a sideways sweep of her fist, adding a light push of his own, toppling her back into her bed. "I know you're into some really kinky stuff but _really, _Ino, this is ridiculous."

"_haaahhhh…"_ she panted, leaning forward, rumpled, flushed; terrifying.

A packet of unconsciousness broke like a beer bottle against his brain. Mindwar. The old Yamanaka trade, put to good use.

_Naruto as a baby, eaten by wolves. _

_Naruto as an adolescent, torn to shreds by carnivorous birds. _

_Naruto as an adult, drawn and quartered by the enemy._

It was painful, but not undefeatable. All connections went two ways; she'd overcommitted herself to offense. In the split second before she closed her mental barriers, he pierced her raging ego-layer and catapulted himself beside her, locking his arms and legs firmly against hers. A fist collided with his temple. A hammer-elbow drove the wind from his lungs.

"Wake up." A nasty bruise swelled up along the ridge of his head. "Please?"

To his relief, her eyes cleared, and the fierce strength he felt subsided. His arms, thankfully, had not broken.

"Wow." She said, softly. "Ow." Her head turned. "What are you doing? Why is my room such a mess?"

"We made glorious love all night long. We trashed everything in the throes of our passion. You should have seen it. I was magnificent." Naruto tapped her head.

"No, really?"

"No. You woke me up and started thrashing me."

"Er…that's odd."

"That's my line." He groaned. "What did you dream about? Serial rapist clowns armed to the teeth with corkscrews and hacksaws?"

"I…" fear filled her eyes. "I can't remember." Her pupils dilated and widened. "What--was I dreaming about? Why--"

"Forget about it." He said quickly. Cuddling was what he did best, and he showed no lack of skill now. "We've three more hours of sleep, and then that new assassination mission from headquarters. In earth country, urgh. That's six day's travel, round-trip. We should get our forty winks in while we still can. Ow. Could you do something about these bruises?"

"Killing people. Joy." Warmth pooled in her hands as she gathered chakra, then spread it liberally across his face in a virulent blue stream. "Better?"

"Much. But killing pays the bills, doesn't it, love?"

"Meh."

"Plus, Tsunade gave us leave to explore while we're there. Earth Country has quite the variety of plants, you know! Maybe we'll find an exotic bloom to plant in your secret flower garden."

"Oh yes, that would be wonderful! Why are you looking at me like that?"

"You're an addict. Hm, it seems flowers are in the Yamanaka family's blood and bones."

"Sadly, yes. Ever since the legendary First Flower Girl, Yamanaka Aerith." Ino paused. "I _have_ been meaning to snatch a few Crown Glories for my early fall assortment."

"Aren't those endangered?"

"Well it won't be easy. Or legal. Still, I'll find a way. Three hours is more than enough time to think up a suitably clever plan. In my dreams, I guess."

"Yes. Sweet ones. No more of this nightmare rubbish, Ino. You interrupted a very sweet dream of my own, you know."

"Oh?"

"Yes." In silent assent, they wound themselves into the covers. "I was dreaming of you."

"How thoughtful. I can't reciprocate, I'm afraid. All my good dreams are about flowers. Sometimes pies." Ino shivered. "Aagh."

"Oww--ah! Your feet are like ice, love!"

"Welcome to the real world, lover. We don't all have built-in radiators in our toes." She clutched him--or to be more accurate, he clutched her, and it was like holding a ray of sunshine. "What's your secret? How do you keep so warm?"

"High calorie intake. I specially tailor my diet to radiate heat. I treat my body much like a furnace; just toss in a few logs, and you're set for another hour or so."

"You lie."

"Well, of course!" when he laughed, she could feel it all the way down to her toes. "I'm sardonic, witty, and urbane; a shameless example of what you women love and hate in men. Everyone takes me far too seriously."

"I don't."

"Well, you're the exception." He kissed her bare, exposed shoulder. "You should cover that up love."

But she didn't cover it up; on the contrary, she unbuttoned the rest of the pyjamas, and pulled the covers over their heads.

For three glorious hours, Yamanaka Ino tasted, touched, kissed sunlight.

And he kissed back.

* * *

Gyoza was a hungry man.

His mother had been a hungry woman. Thus, she had named her son in honor of her favorite dish. His father was also a hungry individual; however, his hunger had been of a stranger, more depraved sort. It was thanks to his violent attentions in a midnight alley that Gyoza had been born, against the will and consent of his mother.

And he too, hungered.

Children were his target, because they could not fight back. Children, because they were young and sweet, and easy to dispose of after he finished his attentions.

Children, like the blond-haired darling who was skipping happily into the alleyway before him. A dead-ended alleyway, which made it all the more engaging.

"Ooooh." He moaned to himself. "Ah, yes. Small. So small. Haha. So small, and now you've no place to run." He followed her around the bend.

"Little one!" he called. "Don't run from me! Oh little one!"

"Is he the one?" the child asked.

"Yes, Ino." A voice called from behind him. "Nicely done. I must say though, you make an unbearably cute seven-year old. You should have seen Tsunade choosing your sailor outfit; it was like watching a doting grandmother."

"Shut it." she braced herself against a wall and lay a hand on her hip; a comic, yet remarkable pose that seemed to belong to someone much older. "Gyoza, surname unknown. You are hereby arrested under the grand authority of the Earth Nation upper political echelon, for crimes against women, children, and general humanity." With diminutive fingers she pulled out a sheet of paper. "Shouldn't have gone after that one politician's child, Gyoza. Should have chosen your targets a bit more carefully."

"Little girl…." Gyoza wheedled. He was a thin, pale man with features not unlike a block of wood. "Little girl, why do you say these things?" he did not look back. Something told him he would regret looking back.

"Maybe I wasn't clear enough." She said, raising an eyebrow. "You're under arrest. I'm arresting you."

"You and what army!?" he cackled. "You and what army!?"

"No army. Just me." A fistful of something sharp, and deadly drove itself home in Gyoza's shoulder. "Oh, and him. Perhaps I should have warned you about him. He's _like _an army."

Men! So many! All the same, wearing the exact same tailored suits, using the exact same make of knife. Gyoza's world was a suddenly a haze of pain.



"We know you and your…comrades…have a headquarters in the city, Gyoza." A voice whispered in his ear, a voice like flint, set in steel, set in diamond. "You're going to help us find out. And then we'll beat you within an inch of your life."

"Centimeter." The girl corrected.

"Sorry, we'll beat you within a centimeter of your life. And after that…" the man-who-was-many-men smiled coldly. "There are a few parents who'd like a word with you. Good luck with them."

"Let me go, and I will tell you everything." Gyoza quickly sputtered. "But if you kill me, you will never--"

"Ino." The cold, terrifying man interjected. "How has that new technique of yours worked out?"

"The male hypnosis technique?"

"You have one of those? Was I…? No, wait, don't tell me. I don't want to know. I meant the mind-raper."

"For a rapist, eh? Fitting."

In the shadows of the alley, through eyelids bruised shut by a thorough beating, Gyoza could only just see his assailants. One was a man of medium build, with features that, though individually seemed quite average, worked together to form a face that was comfortably within the realm of handsomeness. His only odd feature was the repeated streak of whiskers across his cheeks.

Beside him, a girl, no, a woman! Somehow, she had changed her form, changed into someone taller, whose features were sharper, and more clearly defined--yet her eyes had not changed. Their flaming indignation had not cooled by a degree.

"N-n-n-n-n-" he coughed. "ninja! Y-you're--!"

He had a minute to scream, as a pair of glowing blue fingers tapped his temple, and turned his shallow mind inside-out.

Then he screamed at a louder pitch, but of course, he could no longer hear.

* * *

"What exactly _do _you do to them?" Naruto asked, dusting off his hands. "I've never heard quite that level of pain from any voice, ever." In his right pocket, was an address, scrawled on a little piece of paper. The message was written in red ink, but in a few hours, that crimson would rapidly shift to brown. Gyoza had written it in blood.

"Really? Given how far you've traveled, I suppose I should be proud." Ino twisted uncomfortably; The sailor suit she'd been wearing had grown embarrassingly tight. "Oh, hell. I forgot about the outfit." There was an audible ripping noise.

"Think before you act." Naruto grinned. "Tsunade'll be furious."

"She's always furious." Ino scowled. "You brought a change of clothes?"

"Yes." He flourished a bundle of summer-clothing, and poked her. "Who exactly do you think I am?"

"The best." She acceded. As she slipped in and out of her clothes, she caught his wandering eye sliding deliberately up and down her body. "Oi! And what do you think you're doing?"

"Looking." He said innocently.

"That's unfair! I don't watch you when _you _dress, do I?"

"You _do." _he laughed. "Oh yes you do. I can see you watching me from my wardrobe mirror. My god, it's like watching a little girl in a candy shop."

"That sums up my state of emotion fairly well, actually." Giggled Ino. "A dazed young girl, surrounded by…irresistibly tasty-looking morsels of…" she thought of a suitable confection. "Dark chocolate. Yes. Not too sweet, not overbitter, but smooth, and rich."

"A perfect assessment." He agreed. "I suppose that makes you…"

"A tart?" she asked warily. She remembered his teasing comment to Tsunade a few months before.

"No." his cheeks bloomed with suppressed amusement. "No, I was truly, really teasing when I said that. You're not a tart."

"It stung, you know, even if you didn't mean it!"

"Hmm. Right, well, you'll be comforted to know that my real impression of you is… a toffee apple."

Ino, who loved toffee apples, was intrigued. "Really? Why?"

"They seem so straightforward at first. To anyone who takes just a casual taste, they're just round bits of toffee. But ease your way though the exterior, and…they're fresh. Fresh, and alive, and zesty…." He nudged her. "Fruity. Juicy. Irresistibly complicated."

She blushed. He could still do that. Three months, four months, five, and he could still--oh it was damnable! Absolutely damnable!

"There are fifty of me patrolling the meeting house." Naruto said. "And fifty more guarding the exits. When those criminals show up, we'll know. Now how about we go and get those crown glories you were talking about?"

"There should be a black market around here." Ino agreed. "Rapists and illicit sales often go hand in hand."

"I…was not aware of that."

"And you call yourself a pirate."

"On the high seas--"

"Well, these aren't the high seas." Ino kissed him. "Shut up and help me look. They're always in the secretest of places."

Their small alley was not quit a dead end. A service alley continued a floor above their heads, inaccessible for anyone without acrobatic skills. Thieves, for example. Or pole-dancers.

"That looks like a good place to start." Pointed Naruto.

* * *

"Show me your wares, ware-peddler! I require horticultural assistance!"

Hachi, had never seen the like.

Goodness knew it was hard enough to eke out a living in Earth Country. Tourism was pathetic, agriculture dominated the economy, and all the families were far too close knit and conservative for a man with…creative business strategies to make any significant amount of money.

All the black-marketers were in the same fix. They'd taken drastic measures, gathering all their shops in a secluded warehouse just beyond police jurisdiction, and had begun catering to…several unsavory sources, just to break even in their month-to-month upkeep.

Hachi didn't like selling arms and tranquilizer drugs to the child-rapists any more than his associates did. There was nothing to be done about it, though. By-and-by, the black market had come to depend on the revenue generated from sales to the "Church of Pre-Pubescent Sexual Liberation", and its charismatic leader, known only as the 'Supreme Pederast'.

Three slow, unremarkable weeks, and suddenly, the doors to the warehouse burst open, and in came some mad lass, ranting something about endangered flowers.

She was younger than thirty; Hachi wagered somewhere between twenty-five and twenty-seven. So young, and yet she walked with the unmistakable swagger of a trained killer, with fluid movements that implied a flesh-and-blood snake, rearing to strike.

This was a pity, because she was pretty, in the way that belladonna, or black widows might be considered pretty. Not conventionally beautiful, but really quite attractive if you took the time to look. And then, by the time you figured out she was there, you were dead. Wicked prettiness, his mother would have said. Beauty tinted with danger.

And now she was here. Asking for flowers.

Hachi had never seen the like.

"Yeh? We got, uhh, poppies, if you like those." For some reason, Hachi simply could not meet her twinkling green eyes. "Raw ingredients for opium, yeh."

"Not those." Ino said. "Similar. I'm talking about the flowers you use to make…Angel Feathers. That tranquilizer concentrate?"

"Oh, Queen's Comfort! Yeh, we have those too. Beautiful blossoms."

"Crown glories, where I'm from, but that doesn't matter." Ino gripped the feeble metal rails surrounding his sales table, and made sure to leave finger-dents. "How much? And be fair now."

Now Hachi was perfectly at home. "T'aint no fairness in love, war, and bartering, marm."

"Ah-ha!" the light twinkle in Ino's eyes rose to a full, eye-straining brilliance. "Yes. Let us…barter."

Naruto watched casually from an adjacent stall. "She gets like that." He cordially explained to the shopkeeper, a wizened woman of sixty-or-so.

"Ah." The old woman nodded. "You must keep her in line at all time, yeh?"

"Oh yes."

"Woman like that, very free spirit. Needs much discipline, yeh?"

"Oh, no doubt." Naruto laughed. "But I don't think god herself would be up to disciplining that woman."

"I can help you!" the keeper rummaged beneath her table and emerged with a box full of odd implements, strange appendages, and vaguely phallic shapes. "For ten ryou each! Whips, riding crop, spanking staff--"

"No." Naruto interrupted quickly. "No no. No no no no. You've the wrong idea entirely."

"Oh." The shopkeeper wilted. "It very important that you keep interest. If she get bored, you in trouble, yeh." She brandished an odd leather grid, with straps hanging out every-which-way. "How about bondage suit? Half price! Very good for to show off her wonderful bottom!"

"Thank you, but no." raising his voice just loudly enough that Ino could hear, Naruto continued, "Mind you, she _does _have a rather nice bottom, doesn't she?"

"Is very beautiful!" the shopkeeper replied.

"Oh no, I'd go for wonderful. Fantastic."

"Fertile! Good for making many baby! You can see in swinging hips!"

"Right." Naruto gave a secret little smile. "Well, that's all up to her. My job is only to ogle the heavenly buttocks."

"Oi!" Ino shot him a dirty look. "Enough about my bottom, thank you very much." Her cheeks colored. "I wasn't aware it was a topic for discussion." He'd said babies. Had he said something about babies? Her stomach boiled over with feelings that felt at once familiar and terrifyingly new.

"So…" she turned back to Hachi. "Fifty ryou for the pouch of seeds, a pouch of powder and three blossoms."

"Yes." Hachi agreed.

"And, er…what's your status on…sexual tools?"

"Yeh? They're forbidden on the open market, so they all have to pass through here, marm." Hachi tried not to think of a host of odd, erotic things that had popped into his mind. "What do you need, specifically?"

"Something soft, yet light, that can hold a grown...shall we say horse, down, while applying minimum pressure."

"A stud?"

"Yes. I wish to bind a 'stud'."

"Oh. Ahem, you'd be looking for meshmetal straps. Little fabric-lengths of metal chain, knit too tightly to pinch, but strong enough to hold back a grown bull, yeh. In fact, that was what we used 'em for originally, afore we found they fetched a mighty fine price on the open sex market."

"I'll take ten feet. Do they come with fasteners?"

"Yeh. Hooks, marm. Sinks into wood, floors, even into softer metal. Or you can hook it into itself. Works fine either way."

"Oh yes. That'll do."

"It'll set you back another thirty ryou, marm. Expensive stuff, yeh."

"Let's say…twenty."

"Not on my life! Why, if only you knew the trouble that we go through to get our hands on this stuff…"

"Ino!" Naruto called. "They've shown up. Punctual lot. My eyes are counting….thirty, forty, fifty, fifty five, fifty six. One more than expected."

"Ah, what a shame." Ino screwed up her face in an expression of extreme discomfort. "And I was having ever so much fun." She slapped down a two-hundred Ryou bill. "Here you go, old man. Keep the change."

"But this is a--"

"Yes, I know what it is. Keep the change." She dashed to the door. "Lover? Don't let your pals start until we get there!"

"Wouldn't dream of it." Naruto's eyes glinted. "What do you say? Let's go kick some…tookus."

"You can say ass, you know. I won't faint in shock."

"Ass then. Let's go kick it."

"In large quantities."

"Well, that's a given."

* * *

One hundred black-clad men congregated in a black hall, lit by torches, and filled with the terrified screams of the freshly violated. Under their breaths, they chanted the seven deadly desacraments, and murmured the black verses of the unBook into the void.

Their leader, the Supreme Pederast, tried his best to be impressed.

"_N'a graglea'a Booloobooloo l'a'a'a." _his congregation whispered. "_Biggle-biggle la' la'_"

The "long hall" was actually an abandoned day care center. Real sepulchral crypts were so hard to come by these days. The torches were torches, but of a more modern variety. Handheld, battery-powered torches, with red filtering lights to give them a distinctive tint.

And the screams? Pre-recorded. Some idiot had seen fit to bring a pornographic video and replay it in a loop for the duration of their meeting.

It was not impressive. Not even a little bit. But it was a start.

"Right, you all." He boomed. That was a wonderful, hard to acquire quality, the _boom. _He'd spent ears practicing it. How could you lead a group of depraved religious nitwits if you didn't have a booming voice? "Right. Very good. Very terrifying. Let us begin the sacred meeting. _Boogaloo gogral."_

"_Boogaloo gogral."_ His followers repeated.

"Let us begin with our daily Recounting. What foul deeds have we committed? Come on, out with it!"

The men quickly formed a circle, (of course, there were no women in the group. They were much harder to manipulate.) and held hands. Why they did was anybody's guess. The Supreme Pederast found it a little disturbing.

A black-clad figure on the furthermost left was the first to speak. He wore a small nametag emblazoned with 'HELLO MY NAME IS: NAGO' "I watched the frolicking children in my neighborhood, and touched myself inappropriately. As we speak, I am planning to take the Next Step."

The group hummed in approval.

"I have Taken three younglings in this week alone." Said another, JAKI "Painfully."

"I saw a beating on the street." Another said, worriedly. "Gyoza, by the looks of him. A group of parents were beating him to death. In the commotion, I took one of their children."

The group fussed and bickered. Worry was ever omnipresent in a gathering of pedophiles.

"Enough." The Supreme Pederast boomed. God, he loved the booming. "We shall settle this. Is Gyoza here?"

"Aye." Said a figure. Sure enough, his nametag read; GYOZA.

"Well." The Supreme Pederast continued. "Are you quite alright?"

"Feeling fine." Said the figure, approaching him. "Never better."

"Good-" the Supreme Pederast tried to say, but failed.

A knife had sprouted out of his chest. He hadn't seen it happen. He'd blinked, and then there was the knife.

"Damn." He gurgled. "An assassin! G-get him!"

Blindly, his followers thrashed towards him, beating each other in their confusion. Looking at them, the Supreme Pederast realized something horrible.

One hundred. One hundred men. Even on the best of days, they never numbered more than sixty.

Where had the other forty come from?

Hoods dropped. Robes fell. Half the men in the room were suddenly visible, and they were _all the same. _

Forty men--and one woman.

How could a normal human move like that? She danced like a leopard, or a tiger, or some other predatory feline. And she had claws. Sharp, projectile claws. These were no law-enforcement pigs. They were serious! There was blood!

They were like card men, little human dominoes, lined up and knocked down in sprays and gouts of rushing blood.

"You can't kill us!" he desperately bubbled. "Pedophilia isn't punishable by death yet."

"I beg to differ." GYOZA answered, dropping his hood, and proving that, underneath it, he was not GYOZA at all. "As of yesterday morning, in a secret government court, kept from the eyes and ears of the public, pedophilia is indeed punishable by death. And not a quick one either. A slow, wasting death. By immersion in acid. Odd how imaginative you conservatives can get with your punishments." He grabbed the extruding knife, and twisted it, causing the Supreme Pederast to scream in agony. "See? We're actually being merciful. We'll kill you quickly."

"You can't do this! The Dark Woman, she promised, she promised--"

"I don't know who that is, and I couldn't care less." Naruto sneered. "A word of advice; _Shut up_."

Then there was another knife, a bigger one, that flew straight through the Supreme Pederast's eye.

* * *

"Mission accomplished." Ino groaned, and threw a suitcase full of money at her Hokage. "Fifty-thousand Ryou, plus lucrative trading rights to Earth Country grain. Alright?"

"Alright." Tsunade agreed. "Nicely done. You've showered, I see. Going somewhere?" her eyes glinted. "_Cumming _somewhere?"

"Stop prying into my love life." Ino growled. "And I'm no more in the mood for sex than he is. Three days of travel to kill some people, then three days of travel to come back. Arrgh! Every muscle in my body aches."

Tsunade winced in wry sympathy. "Yeah, I know the feeling. Go home and sleep it off. Goodness knows you deserve it Ino." She blinked, suddenly remembering something. "By the way…"

"Yes?"

"Naruto hasn't been…too frisky, now, has he?"

"Frisky."

"I certainly don't think so." Naruto drawled, walking into the expansive Hokage's office as if he owned the place. "Frisky is a word used to describe _unwanted _attention. Gah." He massaged his shoulder. "And what's more, I am not in a frisky mood right now." He changed the subject, swiftly. "But you're quite the stylist, Tsunade! That outfit of yours had pedophiles gathering for miles."

"Should I be pleased?" The hokage asked weakly.

"I certainly wasn't." Ino leered. "How come I had to play decoy?"

"Because you can act like a girl, and I can't." grinned Naruto. "Or would you like to see my effeminate skip-and-giggle?"

"Not in the least." She blanched.

"I just…have this urge to dress up children." Tsunade mused. "Maybe it's my grandmotherly instincts popping up. The next thing you know, I'll be donning plaid pantsuits and taking up knitting as a second profession."

"Maybe you should. You're about the right age, right, oba-san?" Naruto pulled Ino out of the office, and barely dodged a deadly airborne filing cabinet. "ooh. Close one."

They winced off, separately. There would be recuperation, and, hopefully, reunification in one apartment or the other. In the meantime, they both needed _sleep._



* * *



Tsunade raged impotently behind the cabinet, mainly for show. When she was satisfied that they had left earshot, she spoke softly to a nearby curtain. "You can come out, you know."

"Thank you." Neji murmured, brushing his sleeves. "It is very demeaning to hide behind curtains. One gets the feeling that one is looking at something that one oughtn't. Like voyeurism."

"You get plenty of that already as head of Interior Affairs." Tsunade replied. "Now, what do you think? Should we tell them?"

"…no."

"Neji?"

"I said no, ma'am." He glanced sideways. "They look like they've got enough on their hands without this blowing up in their faces.

"Fine. That means this new…issue will be left entirely to Internal Affairs. Are you okay with that?"

"We relish the challenge in the impossible."

"Five-man teams. They're to be in constant contact with home command."

"Men?"

"Yes. No women." Tsunade steepled her fingers, and looked out at the Konoha skyline. Ten years ago, that same sky had seemed so bright, and full of hope. Now, in the blooming reds and oranges, she could see only the ghosts of the dead and dying. "Something's gone wrong. Just--no women. And for the love of god, be careful."

"We'll come back alive." Neji promised. "That is a guarantee. Of course, we might require medical attention."

"Just as long as you bring along all of your amputated and severed parts."

"Ha."

"I wasn't joking."

"Oh."

* * *

Naruto cut a fine figure in his casual silk pyjamas, flared from the waist upwards. There were buttons, of course, but who used buttons these days? All Ino really noticed was that there was a man, a gorgeous, _inconceivably _attractive _man, _standing in her hallway, soaked in the light summer rain that drizzled about Konoha in the evenings, and filling her flat with the smell of _wet _man, which was twice as good. Or bad. Musk and perspiration took on different scents depending on how she felt at any given time.

"You came here in _that_?" she asked. Looking at the outfit, tastefully selected despite the downpour, she felt just the tiniest bit self-conscious at her own vestments; panties, and a large blue tee-shirt with the audacious block-printed letters; "EAT IT? I WOULDN'T SIT ON IT!"

"No one cared. Well, old Miss Andry did, a little bit. And so did Miss Anthropy. They're the landlords at my complex. Well, Landladies. To tell you the truth, they're just angry that I've been rebuffing their advances for years."

"But--I mean, what will you wear in the morning?"

"Now what do you mean by that?" he raised an eyebrow. "You seem to take it as a given that I'm spending the night. Aren't you forward."

She didn't rise to the bait. "Right. Ahem. Welcome to movie night. I sincerely hope you brought the ice cream."

"Ta-da." He brandished a carton. "Dark-chocolate-fudge, per request. Buying it was utter hell. I thought the checkout girl would never quit staring at my navel."

"Ta, lover." She snatched it. "Maybe it was really disgusting, and she was too horrified to look away?"

"She was wetting her lips, Ino. Not licking them, but just wetting them lightly. She thought I didn't notice."

"Serves you right for waltzing out of the home half-naked." She rummaged through her shelf of movies, flipping each one forwards then backwards. "I've got a classic lined up for you today."

"Godzilla?" he teased.

"Don't make light of the big lizard! He's adorable! All rubbery, and radioactive. When I was ten, I wanted to adopt him."

"Which really says a lot about you. You can be so androgynous that it scares me at times."

"And you don't care."

"Not a whit." He glanced at her collection. "Oh! You have Ultraman? The original?"

"The exaggerated body motions! Oh, and the way they yelled out their special attacks! Classic."

"And, what's this? Rauchy Ranger Rides Raleigh."

"Ah! No! That--"

"The amazing tale," he continued, amused, "Of one spunky man, and his adventures through a sexual maelstrom of cowboys, Indians, and the best gay bars in Texas! Foreign porn. Huh."

"On loan from Tenten." She whispered in a small voice. "I'm just holding it for her. Yeah."

"Okay." He replaced the case. "Willy Wanker's Adventures in the Magical Fudge Factory."

"Also for Tenten." Ino blushed, in the same, tiny voice.

"What is it with women that fascinates you with this stuff?"

"What is it with men that gets you lot off on two girls getting it on? I dunno." Ino grinned evilly, hiding her pink cheeks. "I just think it's hawt."

"Er. Um. Is this the one you were talking about?" Naruto pulled out a case emblazoned CASABLANCA.

"Yes." She said, breathing a sigh of relief. "Yes."

"I should have seen this years ago…"

"No better time than now." She beckoned for him to toss the case, and as always, he read the motion perfectly, and flicked it at her, kunai-style. "Go over to the kitchen and get a couple of spoons. You know where everything is."

"Is it as good as they say?"

"The best. Acting-wise, plot-wise--"

"And you have an unbelievably powerful man-crush on Humphrey Bogart."

"That too." Ino caught a thrown ice-cream spoon. "Who doesn't?"

"Should I be jealous?"

"Why? He's dead. You're alive and kicking."

Casually, Naruto popped the lid of the carton, and lapped at a creamy nub of fudge. "Kicking is the least of what I can do."

"Yes, yes." Ino plopped herself down upon her couch--gingerly. There were still a few muscles that refused to uncramp. "You are also very skilled at hogging ice cream. Share the frozen love, if you please."

"Here." He held out a spoonful. "Say ahh."

She took it in her mouth. "Mm. Delighful."

What was even more delightful was how he settled into the couch, noiseless and warm, and curled up around her like a perfectly-formed human comforter. She didn't say it aloud; she simply cuddled back.

"You know, I did this all the time when I was single." She told him.

"Did what?"

"I'd curl up on my sofa, all by my lonesome, and watch an old movie with naught but a carton of ice cream for company."

"That's cute." Naruto purred into her hair. "Oooh, did you wear those little fuzzy bunny slippers?"

"Absolutely. I even had a nightcap in case I fell asleep on the couch."

"Cute." He repeated.

"Really? I thought it was pathetic." She sighed. "I thought; 'when I get hooked up, I'll never watch another movie like this again.'."

"But here you are--"

"—Doing it all over again. I know." She watched intently as the move opened, and giggled in anticipation as she waited for a glimpse of Humphrey Bogart's regal features. "And you know what? I don't care. You're here, and that makes it all…swell. Peachy." Something deep, and meaningful, strained to be said. She couldn't bring herself to say it, couldn't put it in words…

His hands touched her shoulders, then kneaded lightly along her shirt-collar. "Everything is better when you've someone else to do it with."

"Mmmn." The tense, wound sensation in Ino's arms and shoulders began to recede. He knew exactly where to touch her—where to unwind the overwrought tendons that were pulsing with dull, muscular regularity.

"I'm melting, lover." She murmured. "Oh…right there. Mn."

"You're stiffer than a hunk of stone, love." Whispered Naruto. "Let's loosen you up." His hands moved to her lower back. "Mmm hm. You're far too tense."

And, without warning, his hands were fire, and warmth, replacing the stiffness with burning vitality. Ino shifted at the odd sensation. "What are you--"

"Distilled red peppers, soaked in rum. I bought some from the old woman back in the black market. According to her, it; 'heal stress! increase sense one-thousand time!' How's it working?"

Ino's muscles were made of dripping butter. "It works, lover. My god, it's like…like…"

There were no words. It was magic, in its purest, unadulterated form. Each lingering pass of his palm was beautiful—slow, and deliberately, deceptively calm. She found herself arching into his every stroke, each one easing deeper than the last.

His hands reached her thighs, around, and between them, and he paused to drop a cheeky kiss on her left buttock, through her panties.

"Easy on those." Ino moaned. "I like this pair." She heard Humphrey Bogart say something clever, yet couldn't bring herself to laugh. Her mind was…busy.

With meticulous care, his warm fingers worked out the kinks in her calves and feet, leaving her skin simmering with a blistering inner heat.

Warmth became coolness—he whispered something vague and unintelligible around the ticklish parts of her navel. Hot then cold. She couldn't _think. _

"…for my health. I came to Casablanca for the waters." Humphrey Bogart faintly said.

"The waters? We're in the middle of a desert!" his companion scoffed.

"I was misinformed."

"Ha." Ino chuckled. "Oh Humphrey, you rascal. Ah!"

Silky lips played across her prickling skin. The loose tee-shirt was rising and falling away, inch by inch.

Nothing seemed to stop his searching, plying fingers. They were gentle, careful, supple…versatile hands, suited for caressing, loving, holding, stroking…

He kissed her, letting his tongue spiral slowly around her neck--it felt like a thousand feathers, made of powdered snow. Humphrey, dear as he was, faded into the background of her thoughts. There was only Naruto, only his hands, only his lips--

Nothing ached. Nothing hurt. Ino felt limber again, buzzing with fire and _need. _

"You've got chocolate on your nose, love." He pointed.

"You distracted me while I was eating." Ino glibly replied. She closed her eyes, and smiled as his lips, like snowfall, kissed her nose, her forehead, and _finally, _kissed her own. As usual, he was skilled, and she was enthusiastic. A splendid combination for all involved.

But it wasn't enough. Somehow, she wanted, _needed _more.

Lust boiled through her veins, searing away coherent thought, replacing it with animal attraction. She couldn't understand what she felt. All she knew was that her world was shrinking, that she _wanted _him. That, more than anything else. She _wanted _him, more than she'd wanted anything. He was _right there, _touching her, and that need, that voracious hunger had not abated in the least.

_Please…_

His legs brushed softly against the outer layer of her panties, while he kissed her, exploring the contours of her lips. And she, in turn, grasped him, traced the odd topography of his broad shoulders…

_Please. Let it be now. I…_

She wasn't wearing a bra. Who did, at home? The tee-shirt fell forgotten by the wayside, and his attentions moved to her stunningly sensitive aureoles…

_I need you. I need you like…no. Nothing compares. I--_

"Love you…" she whispered, so softly that she herself could not be sure she had said it aloud. She instantly regretted it. Love…was a commitment. Was she ready? Was she ready to look into his eyes, _really _look, and say those three, insignificant, world-inverting words?

She didn't dare. She didn't dare.

_I want to--I need to say it. You have to know. Oh lover, I _want _you to know. _

"I love you." She said again, slightly louder.

"Say again?"

"I…" Ino focused. The fear was still present; the irrational, baseless fear of rejection. She tamped it down, boxed it up, and hid it away, deep inside her heart.

She cleared her throat. Unflinchingly, she stared straight into his eyes, meeting sky blue with forest green. "I love you." She declared. "I hope you're fine with that."

""I hope you're fine with that.' Honestly, love, you are adorable." Her eyes lost the war of wills, and were swallowed, willingly, into his deep, depthless blue orbs. "Yes, I am fine with it. I am more than fine. I'm walking on rainbows and sunshine." He kissed her again. "And I love you."

A slow smile crept along her lips. Her heart felt…fuzzy. A small colony of butterflies had trapped themselves in her stomach, and were trying madly to fly out.

Happiness, she surmised, was all about the butterflies.

_With coordinated purpose, his body swiftly encompassed her own, and set every inch of her alight with a familiar, erotic flame. His tongue leapt to caress her--everywhere._

_Gentle, and liquid-cool. Powerful and molten-hot. Naruto embodied a host of magnificent, mind-blowing dichotomies. _

_It was enough. It was more than enough._

"You know what?" Humphrey Bogart whispered from onscreen. "I think this is the start of a beautiful relationship."

"Oh shut up." Ino murmured. "Mmmm…"

* * *

The streets of Earth country ran black with blood.



Not red. Red implied earthly, mundane methods of execution. Black was the color that stained the streets; that soaked the skin of killer and killed. Black blood, from black hearts, and eyes black with rage.

They marched along the streets--no, they shambled. Their legs could barely hold them in their lust for blood, and for terror. Invaders. Intruders.

Hachi had never seen the like.

As a black market operator, he knew a fair deal about guns and their operation. He'd killed his fair share. But in this particular situation he was powerless.

They were all _women, _weren't they? And his mother, bless her soul, had taught him a few things that men were Not Supposed To Do. He simply couldn't do it.

"You caged me." His fellow storekeeper whispered. "You broke my wings, and you beat me."

"I'm sorry." He replied. "I really don't know what you're talking about."

"You are the black beasts. You thought you could keep us in bondage, but you shall not. Will not. We are breaking your chains."

They were all taking nonsense. All the women. Out of the blue, they'd loaded their stock-firearms, and herded the men against the walls, screaming, cursing, hurling epithets.

Hachi was the only one left alive, now. And he was seriously beginning to rethink his policy on women.

"Why do you let this one live, girls?" a cloaked figure, far in the background, her face covered by a long hood. "Your sisters await you in the streets. There is so much blood yet to be shed."

"Is this about the coffee I spilled on your new shipment of shirts?" Hachi asked, quickly. "I will admit, it was purposeful, and malicious, but it's really only business! You did the same to my opium shipment! Cost me a fortune! Please—" he directed his appeal at the cloaked woman, who seemed slightly more sane. "Spare me."

"What do you think?" she asked her companion, a severed head. "O Supreme Pederast? I would have your judgement."

"You promised us." The head droned. "You promised that if we did your bidding, you would grant us life eternal, and as many girls as we wished to fulfill our desires. I founded your church, and opened the way for your legion. I did what you asked. Why have you not done your part?"

"I fulfilled that promise. Your headless bodies will never age, though they will rot. They are surrounded by women, many of them young girls, though without their heads, your bodies can do naught. Did I promise anything more?"

"No." the head intoned.

"So what is your judgement? Is this man to live, or to die?"



"…to die." The head replied.

"And your reason?"

"…spite."

"Perfect." She screeched. "Perfect!" She threw the severed head into the sky.

Hachi had never seen the like.

He never would again.

* * *

_Look at all the little people. _

_See them marching._

_Here. _

_Marching_

_There._

_All the tiny matchbox dolls, _

_with tattered clothes, _

_and filthy hair._

_ The human ants, who shriek and howl, _

_ legion in a dark brigade,_

_ Marching to the bloody beat of a _

_ midnight-black PARADE._

* * *

Due to the odd ebb and flow of time, I seem to have less of it the more I accumulate. To make up for being tardy (again) I have constructed a longer, more polished piece for all.

Well, I mean, except for the pedophiles. Oh, and the reference to gay porn, which I find amusing, if nothing else. And severed heads, and feminism in its extremest form.

Fun is never polished.

* * *

Tergar of Konoha: Seasonal Schizophrenia? Yeah, been there, done that. Let me let you in on a little secret; when the voices tell you not to take the psychosomatic drugs, don't listen to them. Did wonders for me.

Paladin-kriss: Office scenes are my forte. I am a very bland sort.

XaKiel: Thank you. I too thought the plot was beginning to mire itself down a little; hence, I implemented a dynamic new shift to the story to "kick it in the seat of it's pants" as the saying goes.

NowYouWantMe123: Thank you, er...Vizio? A different account? Well, it's none of my business. The ending was weird because I'm no good with prolonged chapters of fluffiness. I need BLOOD! BLOOD!

Right, that would be the voices talking again. Ha-ha. Silly me. A couple of pills will knock that out right away.

snickerz71: Women, you see, are like a repressed minority group that has never been fully accorded the same rights and legal investitures of its direct opposite: men. This will eventually result in a worldwide war between the genders, as women learn to fertilise asexually, cutting the sweaty, beer-drinking, american-football obsessed, malodorous middlemen out of the equation entirely. That won't be until the year two-thousand two-hundred, though, so don't sweat it.

The apocalypse will kill you first.

ToxicManipulator: Please don't exaggerate. There are plenty who deserve to be considered 'literary heroes'. Hemingway (but only sometimes), Shakespeare, (who might have been a woman) Asimov, (who had naive scientific ideals, and an equally naive grasp of human nature) and King. Well no. Not King. Stephen King has not yet written anything that befits the title of "masterpiece." The Dark Tower was the closest he came, and we all know how that turned out. Never before has one printing press spewed such a volume of utter...shit.

And now...the final boss. gulp

Timewave Zero:

Hoh. Here is the 'point' to the black parade.

Were you expecting it?

I think not. You were...surprised, yes?

There. That is your reason. Short stories, and novellas, need constant surprise to keep themselves alive. Melodrama is not a viable long-term subject.

As for the porn...

Well...

I suppose saying that "the voices told me to do it" won't cut it, eh? In my opinion, lemons are the hardest to write. Why? I have no idea. It just seems that an author can spend years writing up a great book, and ruin it with one clumsy sex scene. I want to polish up on the hardest aspect, then hammer the basics back into my head.

Which is why the content of the lemons shift so much. The office scene was an attempt at a lemon driven almost completely by dialogue. You were rather disdainful of Ino's part, likening it to 'porn'. Perhaps there is a similarity there. I am trying to work out how to signify an orgasm through speech alone. Could you think up a better example for me?

"Tart", is a word used to signify...er...well a girl who dresses...sparingly. Ripped fishnet and mini-mini-mini-skirts, you know? Imagine it as...a patronizing, snarky form of the word 'harlot'.

Don't let my use mislead you; it is fairly strong. In fact, I would not recommend using it to a woman's face. Or at all, if you can help it. Getting slapped is a painful, humiliating experience.

I was going for a pun. I guess it didn't work. I shall redouble my efforts.

* * *


	25. War Stories

Wow, that was long. Really long. Inexcusably long.

Since sorry sounds really lame, and not-quite good-enough, I'll say this instead. The storyline was getting convoluted. Too many hints, not enough substance. I'm trying to tie all these threads down into a single cord before I get into the heavy stuff.

And, you know, it's summer. I tend to get...distracted in summer. My significant other gets about one free month out of twelve, so...

* * *

_October_

"They've broken through our perimeter seals, sir. Teams one and two are down. Possibly out."

Gora was an old hand when it came to reconnaissance. He was the best—which was why Neji had recruited him for the team. He had eyes like a hawk, ran like a deer, never lied, and never exaggerated. In the past, this had proven a worthwhile asset.

Now, however, he only served to illustrate a situation that was getting bleaker by the moment.

"_And, _the buggers managed to get past my trenches. Three lines of explosives, and they didn't even stop to _blink. _Sir, these sods are suicidal, fanatical, and up to their eyeteeth in six different sorts of crazy."

Hando. Demolitions man, and foul-mouthed bastard. A terrorist, plaguing Mist Country with his terrifying form of "chakra-based explosive architecture", he had been recruited early on for Neji's personal operating group. And now, he was useless. They all were.

"We tried to fry the bastards in the alleyways. Didn't work." Jie, point-man. He and his brother, To-e, were the deadliest fire-users Neji had ever encountered. A light specialization in internally-based chakra use allowed them to strengthen their bodies against assault as well. They functioned as both sword and shield.

"Clogged the whole damn place, wall-to-wall, with corpses." Swore To-e. "And they _ate their way _through their comrades."

"They're just people." Hando cursed. "Stupid little people, with no powers, no weapons, no motivation! How in hell can we be losing to them?"

"They're insane." Neji said, quietly. The empty words bounced through the equally empty halls of their urban headquarters—once a hospital, now a war-room. "And they've got the advantage of numbers. Have you finished the tunnel, Hando?"

"Wider than my last lover's—" Hando wilted against Neji's flat stare. "Wide, sir. And ready. I've mined the central pillar supports to blow, as well. When those corpse f--" he glanced down. "the enemy floods us, we'll be long gone, and they'll be in bits."

"They're people, Hando." The tired captain whispered. "Women, for the love of god. Show some respect. Gora, any idea as to what caused this?"

"None, sir. But whatever caused this can _pierce _chakra. Illusions don't do a damn thing. Physical attacks seem to be the only option."

"And they bleed black." Jie said. "Caught me off-guard."

"It'll take months to get the stain out of my vest." To-e added.

"Provided you ever get the chance." Growled his commanding officer. "Pack up. We make for Hando's carefully constructed catacombs, _now. _No mistakes."

The motto of Internal Affairs. All four men nodded, and disappeared into a deep, deep black.

* * *

With any luck, safety awaited them on the other side.

_Rain, rain rain. _

_That's what it had seemed like, at first. Red rain. The sky was bleeding—Ino was captivated by the sight. _

_Then the announcement had blared out over every available public address system: the City Defenses had been breached, ANBU was in tatters, Pein was bombarding the heavily populated sectors with wave after wave of merciless fire…_

_And in the midst of it, from the ashes of her life, from the burning corpses of her family, rose the fox, its nine tails burning with internal fire. A perverted phoenix, born from rage and sorrow--_

_This wasn't right. She hadn't been here. _

_She had been miles away. Her ANBU position was hammered by multiple targets, tied up while Pein launched his assault on--_

_She hadn't been here. But she had heard, afterwards. When the attack had begun, monster had been pit against monster, in a conflict that shook the earth, and split the sky. _

_Like gods. Just like gods, they ravaged the earth, leaving the mortals, frail and powerless, to pick up the pieces. _

_But she HADN"T BEEN HERE--_

"Are you going to sleep all day, love?" someone tapped her shoulder gently. "Er—Mistress, I mean. The delegates from Sun Country have returned."

"Mistress?" She murmured sleepily. "I like the sound of that. You know, if you'd just let me tie you up once in a while, you'd soon see--wait, who?"

"The Furies of Sun-Country, lo—_mistress. _The fierce female warriors who keep their men as slaves? You do remember? We started talking terms _hours _ago."

"Furies—right. Right! Damn." _Idiot!_ She berated herself. How could she have fallen asleep in the middle of negotiations?

The ties were essential, according to Tsunade. The furies were incredibly wealthy—a by-product of their constantly-running war machine, and their absolute adherence to practicality. No stupid men to muck things up, as Tsunade had said; Ino liked the sound of it.

And, in order to maintain appearances, Naruto had to play the role of submissive bondsman. She liked that too.

Yet, for insanely rich warrior women, their "palace" was rather plain. Perhaps that was part of their culture.

"Now how valuable is our connection to them, really?" Ino whispered, as several tall, menacing warriors filed into the room.

"Valuable enough to get me to wear this…thing." Naruto growled, fingering his studded collar, hastily borrowed from Tenten before the start of the journey. "It itches something fierce, too."

"It looks good on you." Ino said. "And…you know, since I've got the key to it and all…I might just choose to keep it on you. I can do all sorts of things with a collared man."

"What exactly do you mean by—"

"Slaves are silent in the presence of their betters." A warrior intoned. "Silence yourself, _man. _Bow you head in the presence of the queenmother."

A ridiculously tall woman loped into the room; she was the kind of woman that sculptors spent their lives trying to duplicate in marble. Every inch of her person looked as if it were hewn from solid rock; she was ageless, and slender, at least to the eye, but her bearing gave her an incredible gravity that crushed the airy atmosphere of the palace proper.

"Is that her?!" Ino whispered incredulously.

"Yes." Naruto whispered back. "Now shush! She's been known to behead those she doesn't like. Personally."

"You are Ino." The queenmother said, in a quiet, resonant, all-encompassing voice. "The terror hidden in the leaves. You are known to us." Her eyes drilled holes into Naruto, who averted his gaze slightly, then to Ino, who met them without flinching.

"Is that what they call me?" she asked. "The terror of the--well, I should have known."

"Why do you seek our favor?"

"Things are getting hairy at the front." Ino jerked Naruto's chain for emphasis, earning her a hurt look. "We need every ally we can get, and then some. If the preliminary numbers are anything to go by, every village on the continent has turned against us. We don't know how, or why. You're one of the last ones to keep up communications with us."

"the other villages are silent. They do not speak, or we cannot hear. Our best warriors meet the darkness, and emerge insane—if they emerge at all." The queenmother rubbed her chin; an unusually masculine gesture. "We too need allies. Yet it seems you need us more than we need you. What leverage do you possess?"

She knew it would come to this. Tsunade had known as well. Konoha wasn't incredibly rich, nor was it particularly artistic, but it was full of—

"Men." Ino said. "You have a man problem, last I heard? You've spent so many years beating down your slaves that no one gives much of a fight any more. Consequently, your children are weak, cowardly, foolish, and a host of other things I won't name. You've been searching for a solution?"

"It has been…years, since I have experienced a truly exhilarating Taming." The queenmother agreed. "Men are weak. It is not fault of theirs that they cannot hold our interest."

"Wrong." Naruto growled, ripping his collar, and tossing it aside like paper. Psi-Ops had recommended this approach specifically—the furies would only respond to an overture from aggression. "_You_'ve grown weak. So many years of feeble-minded menfolk have softened you. There was a time when the mere mention of your names would cause an exodus of refugees from any town within a hundred miles. _This." _He kicked the discarded collar at a panicked guard "Has softened you."

"A _man _dares to threaten the queenmother?" to his immediate right, a spear was leveled to his throat. "You will eat those words."

"Spears." Laughed Naruto. "_Spears! _Oh love, it has been _ages. _When was the last time we faced spears?"

"A while ago. The ivory heist, I think." Ino crouched into a defensive pose. "You want me to—?"

"I think I can handle it." Naruto said, nonchalantly fingering the tip of the nastily-curved weapon. "But, ah…you be sure to rescue me if it starts looking bad."

"And risk my beautiful face and womanly figure?"

"I know. The sacrifice would be unbearable."

"Only a fool ignores her opponent when she fights!" a warrior cried, lunging.

"Well." Naruto dodged gracefully. "One might say that a _real _fool brings long-handled spears to a close-quarters fight. And an even _greater _fool underestimates her opponent on the basis of gender."

Sidestep, sidestep, jab, _trip. _

Ino loved watching him move. Naruto was a panther, at home in his personal, violent jungle. He seemed more liquid than solid—a thing of smoke, not flesh.

He disarmed each one of the guards, secured them with dopplegangers, and tossed their weapons in a heap at the feet of the queenmother. "You need to wean yourselves of weakness. You need to feel the rush of _true _danger. You need to feel the challenge in breaking not a man, but an_ animal_; one who refuses to yield until every available force has been brought to bear. You need…well." He smiled dangerously "You need a new breed of slave. And Konoha can provide."

"Our prisons are stocked full to breaking." Ino jumped in. "Murderers, fiends, criminals of all sorts. We'll sell them to you, in return for services rendered."

"The absolute scum of society." Naruto agreed. "Rogues, blackguards, basically, men like me."

"And you, and your people, will have the singular pleasure of breaking them. All of them."

The queenmother's eyes glinted with sadistic hunger. "Yes. You are, of course, right. I have tried to show my sisters this for decades--" she pointed at Naruto. "You are a unique one. Are you to be our first purchase? I would relish taming you."

"Good luck trying." Ino laughed. She pushed Naruto gently with her shoulder, sending a clear message to the surrounding furies; _this man was hers, and hers alone ._It never hurt to be clear on these things."Spend enough time with this one, and it'll drive you mad, trying to tame him. Doesn't stop me from trying, though."

"And try you do. How your parents managed to keep a hellion like you in check is a mystery to me." Her lover pushed back, subtly easing them both towards the door. "I wish you well, queenmother. May the union of our nations bear rich fruit."

"Stop!" the queen ordered. "I will buy you! Three hundred thousand ryou should suffice--"

"_Run." _He hissed.

And they ran, bursting out of the armored doors as if they were on fire. Behind them, a herd of milling warriors shouted in alarm, rousing their sisters for miles.

She and Naruto ducked through the trees, avoiding thrown spears, and knives, and rocks, all the way to the border. Precisely tuned to the other's movements, they synchronized perfectly at breakneck speed, corkscrewing like dolphins of the air.

Ino was laughing uncontrollably the entire way. This was why she _loved _him. He always turned the simplest of meetings into something exhilarating.

Shameless adrenaline junkie that she was, she couldn't get enough of it.

"So, what'd you think of the performance?" he asked, somersaulting over a pit-trap.

"Beautiful, lover." Ino clapped. "Amazing to the nth degree."

"I didn't underdo the testosterone, I hope? I have trouble playing muscle-bound brutes for any extended period of time."

"I was turned on, completely." She reassured him. "As were many of those guards. I bet they were all wetter than they'd ever been before, those sanctimonious tarts. Warriors? Tch. Not even close. I've seen saltier vestal virgins."

"Talking dirty? At this time of day?" he slid past a whirling spear. "I have a feeling we won't be doing much of that when we get back."

"Talking? No." She bit her lip. "_You _won't."

* * *

"We need to get out of here."

The coast was clear. There wasn't a soul in sight. Hando's clever tunneling had given them a clear path out of the city, and his explosives had blacked their path behind them.

Nothing moved. Everything was totally safe.

They were all in terrible danger.

"We need to locate the other squadrons." Gora reminded him. "There's a chance they made it out alive."

"Not in hell." Jie snapped. "We're the best, and we scraped by on luck. No one else had the firepower to retreat like we did."

"If you like, I could blow things up." Hando said helpfully. "it might show any survivors where we are."

"We have a rendezvous point, Hando." Neji admonished. "And protocols. Our supplies can reasonably sustain ten more men. If there are survivors, they're coming here."

"If not…?"

"Then we--"

The hills to their immediate left burst into flame.

"That would be our signal to go, captain." To-e shouted, jerking on his arm. "At this rate, there won't be _any _survivors of this debacle."

"Ten men…" Neji whispered hoarsely. "Good men. The best that I have ever met. Damn it all, I knew their wives and _children!"_

"Sir--!!" the ground was alive with shuffling feet.

"Damn!" he roared. "Transformations, all of you. Something with wings--something fast."

He glanced down to his breast pocket, where he had stashed a small crystal facet, cast around a lock of silky black hair. "I'm coming home, dear-heart." He murmured. "One way or another."

"Permission to—" Hachi began, wreathed in smoke.

"Blow them. Blow everything you have left."

It was really a pity that birds had such good hearing. The sound of screaming would linger in his mind the entire trip home

Echoing…

Echoing…

* * *

"I love all this."Ino began.

"Hmm?" Naruto responded.

"All of this. You, being here…with me, and me with…with you…"

"Mm."

"Never a dull moment…as they say. And trust me…it's been…epicurean. No wait…epistle? I've got the…the wrong word."

"Mmn."

"_Epic. _Yeah. It's been epic, so far…absolutely..._epic. _Everything feels so…_clear, _and I…I…_there. Yes._"

"Nnlm."

"I…"

"llm?"

"_Christ. _I…don't want this to end. Isn't that…silly? _Ahhhhh…"_

"hm. You talk about the strangest things in bed."

"Who said to stop? I'm not finished with you yet, lover."

"Call it a pause. In case you haven't noticed, the door-bell's ringing."

Naruto shifted them both out of bed, leaving the covers, still-warm, around her, tracing his fingers one last, lingering time across her shoulder. Thoughtful little gestures…but they added up into something unforgettable. He took his time dressing—another quirky little trait—preferring to leave his guests waiting rather than rush himself.

"Can I try dressing you?" Ino asked. "See, I think you'd look great in blue, but you never bother to wear the color, so I thought maybe I could—"

"I thought you hated dress-up dolls."

"You're not a doll, lover. You're…_you."_

"I'm not following you."

"What, a girl isn't allowed to dress a guy these days?"

"Well, if she wants to, why not?"

"Now we're talking."

* * *

"Uzumaki? Uzumaki? Curse you, young man I know you're there. Open the door this instant, or I'll evict you, by bunkum! I do promise you, I will--who the _devil _are you?"

Miss Andry was One of Those People. She never smoked, or drank, or fraternized, attended church religiously, but never attended a party, had never married, and never known love. She was the old lady who watched others enjoy themselves from her window-sill.

She was also the landlady (or something like--property laws in Konoha had been warped terribly after the Fall), and a thoroughly miserable one.

Perhaps there was a connection there. Ino could see a kind of cause-and effect to it all. Spend your life shutting out the joy, and the fun, and the sunlight—end up old, and alone, and unloved. You never got anywhere if you didn't take risks.

"I'm Ino." She said, shivering in the cool morning breeze. Luckily, she'd had the foresight to slip one of Naruto's oversized sweaters over her normal clothes. "To my friends, and lovers. Lover. Singular, now—_gosh,_ that _never _gets old. Of course, to _you, _I'm Ms. Yamanaka."

"You're a harlot, is what you are. I granted Mr. Uzumaki this room—"

"You granted it to me because your complex was dying." Naruto said, pulling on an off-blue wool sweater that sharpened the tinted ice-blue of his eyes. To Ino's delight, the colors matched impeccably. To her further, private delight, he was bare-chested underneath it. "And you needed the money. Now that an entourage of wishful housewives have moved into my vicinity, you want me out. Right?"

"Don't you question my reasons!" Miss Andry shouted. "I can hear you and your orgies for miles around! The sheer depravity of it shames me! To think! An upright woman like myself now finds herself in charge of your sweat-drenched _love pad._"

"The walls are _well-insulated, _Madam. Even if I sang the entire first act of _Carmen_ at the top of my lungs,you would only hear me if you were sitting with your head on the floor, listening very, _very _closely. And I don't even _do _orgies.

"Don't you lie to me! I see figures walking in and out of your house at night. Dozens of them!"

"Dopplegangers. Very need-to-know basis sort-of-thing. To summarize the entirety of it, it's none of your business. Madam."

"But it _is _her business_. _Legally._" _Tsunade walked out from behind the door. "The re-instated parliament of the city wanted me to convey this to you specifically. They think that Miss Andry here has been done a great injustice. They want me to fix it—and she _does _have the right. Though you may own the flat, Naruto, she holds the land and the property rights. She's one of the few citizens who survived the fire _and _the siege; she has semi-legal rights to just about every building in this area. Under Konoha Zoning OrdinanceT-648, she can request _one _change of ownership, by my judgment."

"And I request it now!" Miss Andry's voice was shrill. "I refuse to be a part of this filthiness any longer!"

"This is fairly big." Tsunade muttered, in a sheepish undertone. "The parliament is twisting my arm on this one. To be frank, I almost prefer the old council of elders. At least they were sensible, and not…"

"Incubus! You will leave this place!"

"Mad as hatters?" Ino quipped.

"Righto."

"I hope you rectify this soon." Miss Andry squawked. "Oh you had better!"

"I have a perfect replacement lined up." The Hokage answered calmly, silencing Naruto's arguments with a glare. "My fourth-in-command, very nearly second. If she could control her temper, she'd have my job."

"A firebrand! Yes!" Miss Andry said. "I will invite her to the weekly abstinence and temperance meetings—she will absolutely _have_ to attend! Self-deprivation is really the best of feelings! I shall help her learn, like a chick, emerging from its egg."

"Then I have your consent? You _express _consent, in the presence of these two witnesses?"

"Yes, yes." The old witch scowled at Naruto, shook a wizened finger in his face. "I won't be seeing you around here, spawn of the devil's loins_." _

"Spawn of the fourth Hokage, you mean." Naruto said coolly.

"Pah!" the biddy waved her hand about. "So, bring her around as soon as possible. Tell me, who exactly is this wonderful young girl?"

"Yamanaka Ino." Tsunade grinned, her jaw set in stone.

"What?"

"Yamanaka Ino." Naruto indicated helpfully. "That would be the woman—my lover--who you just insulted. To my face. Were you a man, Miss Andry, I assure you that you wouldn't even be standing. As you are, I warn you, you are only five words away from being beaten savagely by an enraged, beautiful woman—who would be fully in her rights to do so."

"Deceptive, lying wh--" she sputtered. Ino raised a cool, icy eyebrow, and lifted three fingers.

"Cesspit…" she continued, weakly, as Ino raised a fourth finger, twitching her fifth. Eventually she gave up, beating a hasty retreat up a flight of nearby stairs; a storm of swaddling cloth. She would be back, with another petition, more signatures, and perhaps a brigade of the neighborhood watch. Ino relished the thought of dealing with them.

What could they do, really? Every city had its own version of Miss Andry. You really only had to bear with them for a little while, before they tripped themselves up and went too far.

"So…this is all mine then?" Ino asked quietly.

"More or less." Tsunade agreed.

"I thought that was all for show--!"

"Quiet, Naruto. Or I'll fire you."

An idea was forming in Ino's mind; a small, insignificant seed of thought that was, under the torrent of Tsunade's gracious windfall, just beginning to sprout. "I've got a new flat?"

"You'll want to move in as soon as possible of course, Miss Fourth-in-command." Tsunade nodded. "Check the premises, and all that."

"Of course." Slowly, Ino began to grin. "I'll have to move in."

" And rearrange all the furniture."

"And throw out all the clothes I don't like."

"Right! And buy completely new place settings for the whole place to make it livable."

"Hold--hold on a minute—" Naruto began, off-balance.

"You help your new…roommate…acquaint herself with the building." Tsunade reprimanded, waggling a finger. Treat her kindly. If you don't, I'll find you."

"Have I let you down thus far?" he asked.

"I don't know." Tsunade regarded Ino half-seriously. "Has he?"

"Once." Ino said, very primly, "I expected coffee in the morning, and he made tea instead. He said my lips were too sweet to ruin with coffee-breath."

"Very bad." Her hokage murmured, furrowing her eyebrows. "Yes, that warrants a black mark, I think."

"Yes." Ino agreed, peering over her shoulder. "Pull out that notepad of yours--there. Yes. I think we should straddle him with community service, say…hosing off your car. I've always wanted to see him in a wet tee shirt."

" "He" is kind of pissed off at being referred to in the third person." Naruto interjected, slightly cross.

"Deal with it." Tsunade drawled. "Now, Shizu's paging me, which means she's finally back from that vacation she took with that sleazy old horndog—"

"My master."

"Yes. I want to be the first to hear the juicy details."

"So throw a welcome-back party." Ino shrugged. "Your assistant loves them."

"I prefer interrogation." Tsunade leered. "In fact, you two can stop by, if only to join in. In the meantime, enjoy the new premises, darling!"

"…And she's gone." Ino laughed, delighted.

"Always meddling." Naruto chuckled. "But, jokes aside…"

"Ye-ess?" she swiveled, and caught his eye.

"You're perfectly welcome to…to move in. If you want to. Not that I'm forcing anything, or trying to rush you. But if you…"

"I would…" she was suddenly tongue-tied. "If you wanted me to, I might…"

"And it wouldn't be permanent if you didn't want it to be. You could move out anytime…"

"Right! …since, I wouldn't want to impose on…er..." Ino shook her head. "Oh look at us! Acting all embarrassed over a tiny little thing like this."

"Then I'll cut through it all. Do you want to move in?"

"I'd love to move in, you oaf! We're practically living together anyways!"

"And I'd love to have you." He smiled cherubically "Even if your cooking is foul."

"Oh! You take that _back._" She growled, pinching him.

"Ow! Ow! Ooh, now you've done it, love—"

"Done what, you pansy? Oh! Hey, don't _kiss there_—!!"

"Freedom of kisspression, love. I can kiss wherever I like. Here, for example."

"_mm_..."

"and here, and--"

"get us back inside, lover, before I rip your clothes off in public."

"as you wish."

* * *

_Wings up. Wings down. Wings up. Wings--wings--_

They had been flying since dawn, and had not stopped until the sun had disappeared, far behind the hills. Even then, it had been hard—_dangerously hard—_to remember their human shapes. Neji found himself snapping irritably at mice, and twitching at every movement in the grass.

To-e was dead. Jie said nothing of it, but glared at the mountains in sullen, brooding silence. Even in death, his brother had killed many, in a noble self-sacrificial combustion had provided a corridor of escape and a burst of hot air to soar upon. Somehow, the thought did little to comfort any of them.

Gora limped from a deep wound to the upper arm. Black blood oozed from the cut, and no amount of healing chakra seemed to fix the problem. In desperation, Neji severed the nerves from the rest of the body, placing the entire arm in a state of painless homeostasis. Gora was thankful for that, though he had not complained of the pain.

As for Hachi…without his explosives, he was content merely to curl up in a corner and wait for death. Their pursuers were far behind, but Hachi's outlook was gloomy.

"Eleven dead men." He muttered. "All of them elites. What in hell happened?"

"Foreign magic." Gora groaned. "I remember this scent—the smell of this wound. There was a similar case back in the year of the celestial Rat. Some stranger from across the sea was mutilating corpses—this smells more or less the same. I think…it'll spread. From this wound. We need to amputate."

"The arm is frozen." Neji assured him. "Our hokage will fix it when we return. I have nothing but faith in the woman."

"Women." Jie spat. "I'll never see them the same way again."

"They cannot help themselves," said Neji bleakly. "it isn't--"

"'Their fault?' Leader, that's not going to be any consolation when they kill us all."

"Jie, these women are victims!"

"To hell with what you say! They're murdurers!"

The eternally-white eyes of the slim Hyuuga narrowed. "That's insubordination."

"So you say, using your own damned authority."

"Vested in me by the hokage."

"Well, damn it, she's one of them! You saw their leader, back when she killed my brother!That pink hair! You know who that was! They're all in it together!"

"Enough!" Neji plucked Gora over his shoulders using chakra-enhanced strength, and whispered; "It's on foot from here on in. Carrying Gora, we'd only attract attention in the air. We've got a three-day walk ahead of us."

"You just don't get it, do you?" Jie scoffed. "I'm not going back. Not into the viper's nest. I'm heading back to my hometown, way off in the middle of the ocean. Maybe I can keep my family safe."

"Then leave." Neji's milky eyes blinked wearily. "I can't stop you."

"No." Jie agreed. "You can't."

Hachi wordlessly snatched up Jie's pack, and stuffed its contents into his own. Nodding brusquely, Jie ran west, burning a trail through the forest.

"He's going to die." Gora whispered, shocked.

"I think he knows that." Neji said. "He just didn't want us to try and stop him."

"I hate this job sometimes." Hachi said. "But never more than I hate it now."

"Then follow me home." Neji smiled thinly. "I'll sign your resignation papers the instant you had them to me. With a pension—enough to live well for the rest of your life."

"After all I've done for you aresholes, you had damn well better!"

And at that, they managed to find the strength to smile

* * *

At Tsunade's "interrogation", Ino swayed to a catchy tune, while Naruto stood by Kakashi, looking manly. Ino imagined them, speaking of manly things, and patting each other on the shoulder (or punching each other, in the proper manly way)—until she saw the illicit copy of Icha-Icha Conundrum that passed hands underneath their respective jackets. Her hand over her mouth was all that kept her from roaring with laughter.

"So, how's life with the cunning linguist?" Tenten asked, sidling up from behind a sizable tray of drinks.

"Cunning--? Oh. _Ohh_. Passable." Ino lied. 'Fantastic' sounded too cliché, even for her tastes, as did 'magnificent.'

"Getting into the kinky stuff these days, I'd expect."

"Well, I've lathered him in whipped cream. That was fun. And, hmm…he's roleplayed 'cowboy Naruto' for me more times than I can count."

"Good job, that." Tenten nodded approvingly. "A woman has to assert what she wants early in the game, after all. Otherwise, it's just normal, boring sex forever." She blinked. "Cowboys, though? How does that work?"

"I just stick a cowboy hat on him. Makes it feel…dangerous. Like in that one video you sent me."

"The Raunchy Rancher? Ha! You are such a tart!"

"Am not!" Ino kicked her. "or if I am, I'm an amateur tart. I mean…I haven't even tied him up yet! I've tried a dozen different ways, but he always…slips out."

"Neji was like that." Tenten grinned. "Then, I figured out the weakness inherent in all men."

"Spill it."

"They can't stand to have a woman cross with them." Tenten tossed her black hair, smiling glibly. "Get into a fight, and they'll fall over themselves to make it up to you. Reconciliation sex is _wild."_

"You are sick, perverse, and disgusting beyond all words." Ino admonished. "Tell me more."

"It's simple really. Find a small, insignificant thing, and blow it way out of proportion. Then, when he finally starts arguing with you, give him a teary-eyed look and storm off. Wait for ten minutes, storm back in, and enjoy."

"But where do I start?"

"Oh, look for any reason." Tenten suggested. "You'll have to make it up to them later of course, or the guilt will eat you up. I usually go with the tried and true 'buy something really nice and offer it up at random' approach. A watch, or a cashmere sweate--uh oh."

"What?"

"Bogey, ten-o'clock. Female Hyuuga closing in on your…"

"Don't say man. He's not my 'man' . That sounds patriarchal, and disgusting."

"Fine, your sex-slave! Whatever you call him, Hinata's moving in on him!"

Hinata Hyuuga had changed drastically in Naruto's years away from Konoha. She was taller--or was is simply that she held herself straighter than before? Years of harsh Hyuuga training regimens had taken their toll on her soft, forgiving personality. Now, alongside the shyness and the uncertainty, her eyes radiated pain.

Ino resisted the temptation to eavesdrop. Tenten, on the other hand, could not. A simple transformation shifted her form to that of an attractive, willowy young man, with elfin features and 

waist-length hair. Chakra wizardry could only do so much, in the end. It was enough, though. She wove her way to Naruto's table, unmolested.

"Can I talk to you?" Hinata asked quietly, her head bowed. "In private?"

"Well, I'd have to ask you why." Naruto replied amiably. "I suppose I should warn you—"

"you're taken. I know." A curtain of soft purple hair shifted awkwardly away from her eyes. "I just…wanted to tell you something. Something important."

"Is Tsunade using you as a messenger girl? Oh, you poor thing. The way she works us is _criminal."_

"Yes." Hinata said quickly, her eyes darting. "Tsunade, umm...sent a message. It's…very Important. And private. For your ears…only."

"Lead the way."

Tenten followed in their footsteps, soundless, and observant.

"So what is this terrible, earth-shaking news?" she heard Naruto say, behind a locked door.

There was a great pause, and a shuffling, as if someone were gathering the courage to do something rash and terrible unwise.

"I love you." Hinata blurted.

"Oh." Naruto paused. "I take it that's _not _a message from Tsunade."

"Please don't treat this as a joke." Hinata pleaded. "I…I _truly _love you."

"I…I see." Tenten could imagine his expression—pained, confused. She could hardly believe this turn of events herself. "Hinata…I…I don't know what to tell you. I'm already in love, you see. I can't return whatever it is you feel for me."

"Love." Hinata murmured plaintively. "What I feel is love. True love. Since the beginning, you've been the only one I could even contemplate loving."

"But you don't even know me!"

"I know you. I've watched you—still watch you. I know that your favorite ice cream flavor is pistachio, that you love classic movies, that you listen to the Beatles and Metallica side-by-side. I _know _you. I could make you happy."

"How?"

"I can be anyone. _Anyone. _I'll change. However you want me to, I'll change to make you happy."



"Ah. See now…" Tenten heard a foot tapping agitatedly against the ground. "That's terrible. If you were _ever _to do that, I'd hate myself."

"Why?" Hinata cried—and she really _was _crying. "Why?!"

"Because if we were to be with each other, I would have to look in your eyes, _every day, _and know that the woman I saw wasn't real. I would never know what you really wanted, or what you really needed, or what you felt. All I'd see is a mask. Do you understand? It would be a relationship made from fear, and longing, and mistrust. You'd keep your little masks forever. It would be hell for you, and worse for me."

"Is it her? Ino? Is she really so wonderful a lover? Does she please you so much that you'd lie to me, just to—"

"It has nothing to do with her skills in bed." Naruto stopped bemusedly "although her skills are indeed formidable."

Tenten choked back a laugh.

"No," Naruto continued. "It has more to do with how freely she lives. For example, she can't cook. Is she embarrassed? No, she waves the fact around like a badge of honor. She can fight like a tigress, and she flaunts it. Humphrey Bogart is, in her mind, a romantic rival to me. She's told me as much. Do you see? She's not afraid to show me her faults. They're not really faults—she's turned them into strength! That's Ino. But who is Hinata?"

"Hinata is in _love with you."_

"No, Hinata. You _think _love me. You love someone you've watched from afar; someone you've idealized for god-knows-how-long. Did you know that coffee gives me bad breath? Ino does; she's lived through it. Did you know that I hate cats with a passion? Ino, thank the gods, is a dog-lover, so there're no problems there, but she _knows._ Do you? Are you aware that, like everyone else, I have faults?"

"I'll learn. If you let me."

"And…and I can't." he said, gently.

"Forever?"

"For as long as I love her." Naruto agreed. "Yes, forever."

"Then…" Hinata sobbed. "Leave. Leave me alone."

"I'm sorry." Naruto said, one final time, before darting through the door. He bumped into Tenten, who he stared at with some surprise. "Er…Hello."

"Hi." Tenten growled, in as rough a voice as she dared. "Where's the bathroom hereabouts? My…balls…need…scratching. Yeah. So I need to find a bathroom. You know, those manly urges just get you down sometimes. Hng!" she threw a strong punch at his shoulder.



"Did Ino put you up to this?" Naruto asked, grabbing her wrist offhandedly. "No, probably not. It really doesn't seem like something she would do. And by the way, Tenten, you make a terrible man. Your cover is blown the second you open your mouth."

"Thank you for the tip." Tenten said, her disguise melting off into steam. "But if I make a terrible man, that only means I make a wonderful woman, right?"

"I'll have to ask Neji about that." Naruto grinned. "What's the flaxen-haired love of my life doing?"

"Well, she saw you go off with the shy, sheltered Hyuuga princess, so chances are she's drowning her troubles in drink. Want me to snap her out of her fugue?"

"Please."

Tenten sprinted back to Ino's table. "Youwon'tguesshwatjusthappenedrightnow,ohmygod,youwillnot--"

"don't say a word." Ino said, sipping an iced tea with pursed lips. "I know it all. He didn't do a thing, sent her off with gentlemanly disapproval, than came out feeling unduly guilty about the whole thing."

"Yes…how did you know?"

"I didn't. It's just a matter of trust." Ino drawled, throwing the rest of her beverage back in a great gulp. "And I'd trust that man to the ends of the earth."

"Have you been to the ends of the earth?" Naruto asked, kissing her. "Terribly dull place. Nothing special about it at all. Just water, all around. Then, you end up back where you started! Silly business. Not worth your time."

"What brings you back to me so quickly?" Ino asked. "I thought Kakashi was going to keep you tied up with Icha-Icha for a good hour or so."

"Shizune's kind of…distracted him." Naruto grinned.

And she was, in a fashion. If distraction consisted of liberal butt-pinching and many, many kisses, Shizune was a champion.

"I _must _offer my congratulations."

"Then we shall do so together." Naruto said, offering his arm.

They walked with purpose, without a single loss of grace, to where they wanted to go. No one thought to obstruct them, or even to disturb their path. Fortune favored them; fortune after all, knew a good thing when it laid eyes on one.

"I've been thinking about those new drapes you bought." Ino told him, cuddling her head on his shoulder.

"Mm?"

"I absolutely hate them."

"Is that so? I rather like them."

"Well, I hate them. Really, you are _so _insensitive to my feelings…"

* * *

Pressed for time. Not enough time to respond to each review, and that really tears me. Sometime next week, I will write up something that doesn't sound clipped, hasty, and totally stupid. Wait until then!

I am going out into the wilderness for a few days, along with several close friends of mine, to see if we can recreate the feeling of wildness and exploration that we had during our years as Scouts. I think of my teen-aged self (hulking, clumsy, etc), and twelve years later, I'm almost disappointed that I feel exactly the same as I did then.

Minus the hormones, of course.

* * *


	26. Twinkling Stars and Corpseflesh

Fall was treefall-time, when the golden autumn leaves fell like crinkling rain across the parks, and eaves, and soaring towers of Central Konoha. Every year, Ino had managed to miss it. This year, she approached the season with a fierce, burning desire to see every single dainty leaf touch the spotless streets of Konoha, uninterrupted and undisturbed. The sunset behind the dying trees was a bonus.

Tenten joined her on a curbed park bench, carrying two cups of coffee—one was large enough to dwarf her hands. "I need to shake a nasty hangover." She explained. "You wanted to talk?"

"I'm moving in with him." Ino muttered, almost to herself. "I'm moving in with him! Gods, how stupid can I get?"

"What are you so afraid of?" Tenten asked. "He's already seen more of you than most men ever will…aie!" she yelped, dodging a low-flying pigeon. "I swear, those things get more and more brazen every year."

"What if he's not the one?"

"That sounds weird, coming from someone who's been bragging about his bedplay, cooking, combat, and bathing techniques for months. Do I have to repeat myself? What are you so afraid of?"

"I…" Ino clutched her head, weaving flaxen strands of hair through her fingers, "I don't know what I'm afraid of. He's great! Yes, he's the best! Sometimes! But then, seconds later, he's so irritating it leaves me speechless—just how he—he's so suave, and slick, and…and…erotic! Fine! He's sexy enough to blow my mind to bits! Are you happy? I've never met anyone like him, and I probably never will."

"And you're moving in with him." Murmured her friend, rolling her eyes wryly. "And out of nowhere, it terrifies the hell out of you."

"Yes! That's exactly it. Why?"

"You tell me!" Tenten laughed, throwing a few crumbs of something-or-other to the birds. "Yamanaka Ino, who's ridden out more bad relationships than I can count, is suddenly scared of one puny man."

"With amazing eyes."

"Fine, with amazing eyes. My point is, this isn't new to you! There's absolutely nothing to be afraid of. This is just a…a trial period, right? If he doesn't like it, he'll tell you, and you'll work something out."

"What if—" Ino swallowed a mouthful of hot, bitter coffee. "Gaak. What if _I _don't like it? What if it just…loses its charm? What if this…" she clutched her chest. "This amazing feeling just…vanishes, once we make it serious?"

"Then you find someone else." Tenten patted her on the shoulder. "That's life."

"Life is stupid." Ino growled.

"No arguments here." A leaf detached from a faraway tree, and spun lazily downwards to rest in a bed of crimson and gold. Tenten watched it fall, sipping liberally at her coffee. "But y'know, I've got a really good feeling about you two. Everything just seems to…click."

"Like, in a good way?" Ino asked anxiously. "As in, we fit each other? Or click as in the two of us seem to clash, because I can see how you might—"

"You're nervous!" behind her coffee cup, Tenten's eyes were wide. "You really are! I thought it was just a case of the jitters, but—gods! Is he really that good in bed?"

"Not just in bed." Ino sighed. "Everywhere. I have no idea where he learned some of this stuff—just the way he kisses me…" she stared miserably into her coffee cup. "That man slides past my 'experience' as if it weren't there. Each time—and I know this is impossible, but _each time _we feel…closer. Laid bare, and gods help me, it almost _scares me _how good he can get_._ Everything I know about sex just…melts away! Poof!"

"So he _is _good in bed."

"Stop it, you incorrigible tart." Her cup emptied, Ino tossed it into a trash can. "I'm just saying that every time feels…well, like the first time."

"Sweaty, gawky, and painful?"

"No! More like…new. It feels like we're exploring how far we can go…together."

"Hmmm." Tenten rested her head upon her palm. "If I had to diagnose the problem here, I'd say...you need to quit worrying, and get on with life while you can. When life throws you lemonade, don't make lemons out of it. Drink what you can, while you can."

"Wise words from the hardest-drinking girl in Konoha."

"Yeah." Tenten's eyes crinkled, and her lips pursed. "Maybe I should cut back, eh? I feel a bit sorry for Neji—you know, he carries me home _every _time I pass out? Makes soup, and tidies up, then leaves, without even a note. He thinks I don't know it's him." She chuckled. "All that Chivalry business. One thing that sets him apart from the riffraff. That, and the sex."

"Have you two…er…made any plans? Beyond just sleeping together?"

"What? What!? No! No…" Tenten glared determinedly at her nearly-empty cup of coffee. "I don't want to complicate things. I think…I mean…" she gave a gusty sigh. "I like what we have," she said in a small voice. "And I don't want to change it."

"There."

"There what?"

Ino flourished a hand. "You've summed up my feelings in a nutshell."

"Well, that's what friends are for."

"Isn't it just." Ino brushed off her pants, and stood. "I heard from Naruto that the Hyuuga are a very aggressive clan in terms of matchmaking. They've probably been pressuring him to marry you—to marry _anyone_--for a while."

"I know." Tenten moped. "And he hasn't said a word, which means…"

"He knows. And he won't do a thing until you're ready to accept it."

"I know." She grimaced, crumpling her coffee-cup. "Can't a girl be selfish every now and then?"

"You bet we can." Ino said cheerily. "And look! The last leaf of the year."

"Not the _last." _Tenten corrected. "There are still leafy trees on the outskirts of town."

"Oh shush." Ino hissed. "Come on little guy!"

At the tip of a bare tree, a fleck of sunlit golden-brown seemed to waver in response. Without warning it flew into the air, destined to soar high above the treetops before finding a new home, somewhere out in the big wide world.

"Good for you." She whispered. "Go out and fly."

"You don't need to say that." Tenten murmured. "It knows how to fly on its own. That's how life works. Just let the wind carry you…everywhere."

"Good advice. Maybe you ought to follow it."

"You know, maybe I should." Tenten smiled weakly, then started, as something lit up by her chest. "Oh!"

"What?" Ino asked, alarmed.

"The heartstone he gave me for my last birthday—it's glowing. It only does that if he's back from a long absence…" her eyes widened. "So he's back. The light's faint--distant, I guess-- but he's coming back!"

"Okay. And?"

"We could go out for drinks, maybe." Tenten started, but stopped, her words ringing hollow, even to her own ears. "We'll toast to another half-decade of being friends with benefits. No, wait. That sounds…wrong somehow."

"Just say what you want to say, then."

"You haven't the right to say that." Lashed Tenten, her eyes set in angry slits. "You have Naruto. I have no idea how you managed to stumble across him, but, bless his soul, he's perfect. Not all of us are so lucky, Ino. Neji is a man. Just a man; a bit on the naïve side, and a bit too well-intentioned for his own good. I can't take things too far with him, because either he'll leave me…" she blinked rapidly. "Or I'll leave him. That's just how I am. How _we _are. There's nothing we touch that we can't screw up in some way or another."

"How do you know?" Ino cut in. "You haven't tried. Don't think. When you're there, on the edge, sometimes it's better just to close your eyes and jump."

"And what if it's a deep canyon, full of howling gusts, and sharp rocks, and you don't know the way?"

"Let the wind take you. That _is_ what you said, right?"

"Yes…" A change swept across Tenten's sparrow-like figure, a bemused smile played around her mouth. "Yes!" her fingers closed into resolute fists. "That _is _what I said. And it's what I'm going to do."

And without a backwards glance, she set off for the village gates, falling easily into the lanky, loping stride unique to all ninja. She was _almost _smooth enough to hide a moment-long lapse of exhilarated fear that marred her normally cheery face.

Ino saw it, of course. Friends could see things like that.

"Oh darn." She said to herself, shifting a shock of hair from her eyes. "Here I am, looking for advice, and doling it out instead."

At her hip, a small phone blared a catchy, easily-forgotten tune from a popular television show.

"Yes?" she answered.

"Kero here, marm." a thickly accented voice responded. If she recalled correctly, he was one of the moving men. She could have asked Naruto to do it, of course, but even _she _had limits. Using lovers as manual labor was a no-no. Unless, of course, the labor happened to be hot, sweaty, and involved foreplay. "We've finished moving your things. Your, uh…"

"Boy-toy." Ino blurted. "Er—Boyfriend." She amended.

"Yeah, him. He's moved them around to fit pretty well. Uh…job's done, like you asked, I guess."

"Good man." She could only shudder to imagine Naruto's idea of "pretty well". "Anything else?"

"He said uh…to tell you…uh…"

"Out with it!" Ino prodded him.

"Uh…He said to put on a jacket, and come out to the highest hill on top of the mural of the third hokage. He wants to…uh…'cast your face in moonlight'. Whatever that means. He also said to bring a telescope."

"Those were his exact words?"

"He—uh…he used a lot of big words, marm. Not sure I could say them all without mixing up a few."

"Well, thank goodness for that! Otherwise I'd think he was losing his touch." Ino breathed, glad that the greasy, sweaty man on the other end of the phone was too thick to catch the hints of excitement in her voice. Glad too, that he could not see her blush. What she felt for Naruto was private, after all; a tiny island of emotion that held but two inhabitants.

"That man…" she grinned, closing her phone. "He can never just stand still, can he?"

Then she was off, her mind full of clear, twinkling stars, the soft sheen of telescoping metal, and the incomparable feeling of kissing by starlight.

* * *

His steps were silent as the grave.

One foot in front of the other. One more step. One more cloud of dust and filth, to mix with the black blood that he and his comrades left in their wake. An impossibility. He could not keep marching.

They were all dog-tired, and miles from home. Neji egged his men on with dogged abandon, leading as best he could. That was his position. His duty.

Yet he was also an analyzer of information, trained at seeing the cold, hard truth of things. His heart told him that hope rested just beyond the horizon. His mind told otherwise.

They would not last until nightfall. Careful study of the terrain, of the distance, and the baking sun were only formalities at this stage. There would be no triumphant return.

"Are we dead, cap?" Hando asked, licking chapped lips.

"Not yet, private." Neji growled, shifting Gora's unconscious weight. The infection, as the astute scout had predicted, spread from his arm to his shoulder now. No amount of acupressure could slow its advance. "But we will be soon enough, if you don't keep walking."

"Private?" Hando spat. "Jie and To-e are dead! By right of succession, I'm a lieutenant now!"

"Fine, lieutenant. You are still subordinate to me. Keep walking."

"No, no, because I'm a sergeant too! Sergeant plus lieutenant plus second lieutenant means general !

"Fine. So what is your plan of action, general?"

"To keep walking of course." Hando beamed. "I just like to be in charge."

"As you like." Neji grimaced. The man was obviously going mad. Come to think of it, he was probably going mad as well. He didn't think he was mad. Did that make him mad?

"Clearing ahead." Hando warned.

They had encountered nine such clearings, filthy with the smell of burnt ash and foul foreign magics. Unnoticeable, unless you could tell the signs. Burial grounds for the ashes of the deceased, dug up, then desecrated for reasons unknown, armed with booby-traps foul enough to take off a man's head at fifty paces.

Unfortunately, this one was situated atop a spring of clear, precious water, that burbled deep into some natural aquifier, miles beneath the ground. A trap, but an unavoidable one, if they were to make it home alive.

"You go, sir." Hando graciously offered. "I'll watch Gora, don't you worry. Hando, MD, that's me."

"Your philanthropy is touching." Neji snorted. With uncertain steps, he made for the spring. What would it be this time? Razor-wire? Bombs? Poison? Knives ?

Voices. This time it was voices.

"…so that's that." A clear, clarion voice said, every word perfectly enunciated. "Now you know where you stand." To his ear, it seemed feminine.

"I expected better." Said another, raspier voice—the same one? Neji couldn't tell, but there was a hint of similarity to the two… "You should have known it would be like this."

"I'm…I'm sorry." A third voice, fearful, angry. Familiar—he could almost place it. "You were right. Both of you. There must be…a purging. A genocide…no, a gendercide. They have to learn. They all have to learn. We aren't their playthings. We aren't their toys." A sudden hiccough.

"There there." Soothed the rasping voice. "No one can hurt you here. We're protecting you, remember? We're here for you…"

"Summon the armies." The clarion voice trumpeted. "Summon them here. _Here!" _

"Yes…" the weeping voice sobbed. "I'll do it. I can't take this anymore."

And then the clearing was filled with soft chanting, like wind within a layered forest of willow fronds.

_Selllleeeene. Hassshtuur. N-aaai. Naahaaai. _

"There is a listener." One of the voices muttered, growing fainter and fainter.

"An opening in the portals," the soft, familiar voice assured, hastily. "Nothing more."

"For safety's sake…I will cleanse the area." the voice replied menacingly, and the chanting intensified.

Nails drove themselves into Neji's mind; burning, merciless nails. The ground flickered beneath his feet—was he being thrown back? He felt weightless.

Hando's voice, faint and distant, shouting his name. And a figure…far-off, yet closing with incredible speed—as if from surprise, or terror.

A figure he recognized. A figure he had caressed, on several long, cold nights, a figure that leaned on him in the night, and wept another's name. His love.

"My love…" he rasped, as she drew close. "I'm sorry you had to see me in this condition. Were I not wounded, I would die of shame."

"Trust me." Tenten said, her voice brittle; falsely bright. "You look fine. I've seen you more ruffled after nightlong tumble with me."

"But…"

"We have a lot to talk about." She murmured, her hands alight with green fire. "Later. Sleep now. Sleep…my love."

Shock. Pain. The warmth, the blessed warmth of chakra, pooling into his head, his heart…

--

"Look! Aquarius, just over the horizon!"

"That's Sagittarius, love."

"That's what you said last time!"

"Because you pointed at the same constellation, and you got it wrong twice."

"Then what about that one? Right there? That's Pisces, right?"

"Virgo."

"Arrgh!"

"You're really no good at this."

"Stars are there to look pretty, lover. You're not supposed to see anything more."

"Funny, most men say the same thing about women. Wrong, of course. Everything is connected to something else."

Naruto adjusted the telescope they were sharing, breathing lightly along Ino's neck, as she focused on some far-off star. She shivered from the sudden temperature change, and loosened her collar, exposing more of her skin to his gentle heat.

"Venus?" she tried, weakly.

"Right!"

"Ha! Point for me!"

"We're scoring these now?"

"That's right! And for every point I score…I get a kiss."

"A kiss? Sounds reasonable." He said, and he kissed her, his lips as soft and as sweet as spun sugar.

"Hmm…I can taste you through my fingertips." She gasped, delighted. Or was that her tongue? Everything was all jumbled up. Her brain was imploding in a swirl of heart-shaped fireworks.

"Well, that's unorthodox. Still, if it works it works."

"How about that one? Capricorn, right?"

In answer, he pulled her close, and kissed her again, leaning slightly further in this time.

"And that's…Auraea."

"Yes." He answered, his eyebrows raised. "Funny—that's a pretty obscure constellation. Not many amateurs know about it."

"Good thing I took all those astronomy classes, then."

"What? Oh you _are _clever, love."

"Call it part of my enviable charms. Now, that's Cormandaris, just beside Pyrgos, and Flamenii. Spyrgos rounds them in the east, and borders Rhiia, the guardian of the fire country—she's that faint, faint shape between those two bright stars. How many kisses does that get me?"

"You're at six, so far." He smiled, his lips twitching mischievously.

"Then I'll name some more off the top of my head. Guuron, Gliastis, Mera, Moloch, Ast, Kartii, Minala, Mekhar, Bora Grandis—«

His lips were totally unexpected, but welcome, all the same. The night was cold, and Yamanaka Ino intended to seize all the warmth she could get her hands on.

"That was one." She breathed. "I want…thirteen, just like it."

"Two" he whispered into her ear, sending her soaring into burning, fluttering delirium. The lights dancing in the sky paled in comparison to the luminescence that seemed to spill out from within her heart.

Lips, lips. Which insane god had invented lips? What possible reason could he have had for them? Ino could imagine some very simple inner dialogue; "Let's give the men something that turns women into gibbering, blushing idiots. A-ha! Lips! I'll give them lips."

Lips…

They were driving her _mad._

Her own breath was a roar within her ears, and her every heartbeat was a thunderbolt in her chest—_ka-dum, ka-dum_. Her face was buried in his hair, in his lips…every inch of him fascinating, and sensual.

"Seven." He said, muffled by her wild embrace. "But then, who's counting?"

"nnnn…."

She threw him into the grass, rolling underneath a sky of twinkling stars.

"The night suits you." He whispered fiercely, underneath her. A kiss caught her unprepared, nestled in the soft underside of her chin, and she laughed, without shame. "Have I ever told you that you're ravishing by starlight?"

"Not yet." she mouthed.

"Well, you're ravishing by starlight. And sunlight. And fluorescent light. Or any light, for that matter."

Hot, hot breath, cold air, hair tickling, hands touching—

Light flashed on the distant horizon.

"A shooting star!" Ino whispered. "Make a wish, lover."

"I've got everything I could possibly want." Laughed Naruto, his chuckle resonating through her body in soft, rolling waves. "You?"

"Another kiss would be nice…"

"As you wish—" he paused. He squinted.

"What is it?" Ino asked, straightening up.

"That's not a star, love. That's a chakra flare."

"What?!"

"Off to the north, in the direction of the entrance gates. But far, far off—miles at least."

Cursing, Ino blasted her eyes with chakra, enhancing her vision. There would be a terrible eyeache to deal with later.

"Green and red." She said. "Tenten's colors. Or, alternatively, a deranged Christmas elf. Your take?"

"It seems that an ANBU unit is in deep dung." He answered. "Green and red is alert, am I right? Casualty is green-and red laced with yellow—"

Yellow burst out into the night in brief, glorious brilliance.

"Damn." Ino hissed, pulling on her jacket, and reaching into her pocket. ANBU masks were collapsible, activated by chakra, and fit well with almost anything. No one needed to confirm your rank if you were wearing a great big ceramic mask on your face; ANBU was universally known. "Tenten is a medic, first-class, so if _she _needs our help—"

"Problems. And big ones."

"Of all the nights to—"

"I know, love. I feel the same way. I'll make it up to you."

"You will." Ino agreed. "What have you got planned?"

"Well, there's that mission to the tropics coming up soon, with those beaches, and reefs, and sun-drenched cities-by-the-sea. By seniority, it falls to me—plus whomsoever I happen to be partnered with." He latched his mask-strap firmly into place, his entire face obscured by—appropriately enough—a many-whiskered fox. "Incidentally, you're the only partner I'd ever allow."

"Haven't been the beach in a while." Ino smiled, nostalgically. "I love the smell of salt and sand. I'll have to pick out something new to wear."

"Is that all your lot think about? I swear, kunoichi are the only soldiers I've ever heard of who actually pick _battle wardrobes _before every engagement with the enemy."

"If you're going to kill someone, you might as well do it and look stunning at the same time." Ino grinned wickedly. "Here's a hint I give to the new girls; wear red. Style and cut is all fine and dandy, but blood is _hell _to get out of a top. Ruined one of my best pairs that way."

"Love, you have no idea how happy I am to have you on _my _side."

"You're lucky, that's what you are." Ino patted the back of her head, satisfied that her own mask was locked in place. "Alright, I'm decent. How do I look?"

"Terrifying. I'd run in fear, if I weren't well-acquainted with the soft, sensuous interior underneath that cold mask…"

She blushed, and gave a secretive smile. "Every woman has one, they say."

Their boots rasped against the ground, scattering leaves in a hoarse whisper. Behind them, the night returned to its usual, interminable silence.

A single telescope stood vigil, waiting for them to return.

* * *

Tenten had called the cavalry, and the cavalry would answer—soon. Soon. But soon was not _now, _and now was what she needed.



"You were followed?!" she shouted at Hando. Her chakra stores were depleting quickly, and the lack was making her irate. "You brought them back here?"

"They know, miss." Hando growled. "The infected cities form a wide perimeter around a single point—our city. This one, right here. There are armies marching all across the peninsula.

"What are we going to do about it?"

"ANBU Commander Naruto sent out a flock of messenger birds, damn-near wasted our entire supply. I don't think it'll do any good. We've got three months, at most—these bastards are slow, and part of our mission was to blow up all the usable bridges and crossings that we could. Nonetheless, they'll make their way here. And I just _know _that at least one of their lieutenants was hot on our heels."

Tenten adjusted her position to administer to Gora. "Who are they, exactly?"

"Don't!!" Hando swiped her hand away. "Don't touch his blood, miss. Captain reckons that whatever is

making them is coming from the blood. It's foul with black magic."

"What do you mean "making them"?"

"They're women, ma'am." Hando averted his eyes. "And a few men, but they aren't alive any more. The women are all going insane. Every city makes more of them."

"Just the women?"

"The men are either eaten, or torn limb-from limb. Sometimes both. They're still walking, and we can't figure out why."

"Well, whatever the reason." Tenten said uncertainly. "This man is dying. If I don't administer something now, he'll die."

"If you touch him, miss, I'll kill you." Hando said wearily. "I swear to the gods, I will."

"So kill me." Tenten said, straightening. "I took an oath to heal. You just try and stop me."

Chakra reknit the gushing wound in Gora's side, only to fragment and reopen. Frowning, Tenten tried again.

"Advanced methods nine-through twenty are useless." Hando explained. "The captain is a bit of a healer himself. He said that whatever this is slides right by chakra like it isn't there."

"I have no idea what this is!" Tenten murmured. "Maybe form five, mixed with a poultice—four is too strong to use here, and one will probably kill him in this state."

"I tell you, miss, It won't do any good! This isn't a sickness, or a disease you're fighting here, it's _craziness. _You can't fight crazy. All you can do is run like hell."

Black fire ran backwards from the wound, shooting through Tenten's chakra in bruised-blue streaks. Hando yelped a warning—too late, too late--

"It's not us." She gasped. "It's you. Ever since the start of things. Mother earth, raped in the dawn of time to bear us; twisted, forsaken humanity. The queens and matriarchs of old, usurped by idiots who think only of copulating. Everything, everything ruined for what? For your huge concrete smokestacks? Your big smoke-filled penises, belching filth into the sky? Did you think we would just stand back, watching you scorch the earth, and lay all of creation to rot and ruin? The world simmers with anger against you, _man. _We are but a tiny part of that _fury."_

She grasped her head. "NNg! Get out! GET OUT!"

Very calmly, Hando took the side of his kunai and smacked her across her head. She fell, looking sort-of dazed.

"Better?" he asked sarcastically.

"Traditionally." Tenten grunted, her eyes narrowed, "Genjutsu is dispelled with a chakra burst, and then left to the willpower of the affected."

"My mother taught me this one." Hando smiled. "Bless her soul, she always did teach the best things. I don't trust your willpower, miss. I _do _trust the amazing capabilities of head trauma."

"Fair enough." Tenten muttered. "Augh! That is _strong, _though. I think the voice is right—there's an undercurrent of rage running through the earth itself, and somehow, they're _tapping _it. This is very, very bad. Apparently, mother earth finds all of mankind at fault for her sufferings."

"What did I do?" asked Hando. "I'm just a poor guy trying to make a living!"

"Tell that to mother nature, wiseguy." Tenten coughed weakly. "I'm empty. Whatever that was eats chakra for dinner. Sorry, but your wounds are going to have to wait for a bit.

"no problems, ma'am." Hando said. "My mother beat me worse."

"You can sense that..._thing_ off on the horizon, I presume?"

"Aye. The smell of grave-soil, and death. And an absence of chakra—almost an anti-chakra. I can sense it."

"Can you hold out until help arrives?"

"I'm down to one howler, and a burner."

"What are those?"

"Names I made up for my explosives, Miss. I can blow a ten-foot crater, and set this pretty little forest on fire. That's it."

"Then make the most of it." She nodded grimly. "I have a few explosive tags myself—"

"Amateur stuff." He laughed. "keep it."

Whatever the thing was, it was big. And it was fast.

It rose from the earth, dropping bits of flesh and bone as it shambled towards them.

_Teenteen. Ohhh baby baby darling girl, how I do lovey-lovey-lovey-love you. Hold me close, darling, don't mind the dead flesh. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAH_

"Lee?" she whispered, her voice very small. The voice was unmistakable. The words though—they were a perversion.

Hando heard something else entirely.

_Hando. Hando, dear it's mother. It's past your bedtime, boy. It's past your bedtime, and mommy's come to take you down to sleep FOREVER._

If his jaw had dropped any lower, it would have hit the floor.

"Momma?"

* * *

There ya go; a funny ending for some humor. This story is going to go out with a BANG!

Whoo-hoo!

Whoo-hoo?

Whatever. Anyways, after this ends, which won't be for a while, trust me, I'll need ideas as to new pairings. Is there...a forum, or something? I'd very much like to filch a few interesting pairings from someone else.

So...responses, responses...

KnighteWolfe: As i have said before, Hinata lovers tend to like the idea of a flexible pallet to be molded by a dominant male. The Tale of Hikaru Genji, for example, is a perfect case of historical sources that manga authors tend to filch for their own purposes.

snickerz71: Oh. Hello. Yes, NaruHina fans may find the chapter uncomfortable. Men, because she presents the 'shy, hurt, damsel in distress' archetype. Women, because--

I have no idea. I'm not a woman. Maybe you should ask one.

I personally don't like to write Hinata scenes, because I have no idea how to write them. Hinata has no real personality, aside from shyness and an inability to voice her true feelings--beyond that, Kishimoto has given us no real detail on her character. It's why she tends to be a favorite to other authors; she's a blank slate.

SgWarrior: Yes. And then I could have mud-wrestling. After that, how about the explicit lesbo sex scene with whipped cream! Heck, just for you, I'll write a big orgy with a dozen people all having sex with banana pies. Jeez.

I'm not writing porn.

Okay, that's a blatant lie. I'm not writing _just porn. _Lemons really only work with a believable background, and I won't sacrifice story integrity just because something seems really really hot.

Not that there's anything wrong with being a total horndog. Several of my friends would stick theirs in mud if they thought it would wriggle, and they're...

Well, they're total bastards. But they're friendly bastards, and they positively sparkle if you get them drunk enough.

Kalisko: Personality is key, they say. But who are they? I have no idea.

If you like NaruHina pairings, I can only suppose you'd flinch here. Understand, we all have different ideas of who these characters are. That's part of fiction. However, I just don't like Kishimoto's creation of a quiet, subservient girl who can only realize her true potential through the kind ministrations of a dunderheaded patriarch.

jgkitarel: really? I thought the chapter was rushed, myself. Hm. I suppose the reader is always right. Okay, I am masterful.

I dunno, that sounds kind of hollow. Am I really masterful? Or am I only fooling myself? Oh god, I'm just a talentless hack! What do I know, really? Nothing! Nothing!

The blushing though--that's interesting. It's always nice to hear things like that, even from men. Especially from men. The fact that you can blush is just another testament to you manliness. Remember--pink is a manly color. Fuschia though...

YumeTakato: I enjoy reviews. Isn't that weird?

Timewave Zero: Biotech major, eh? Well, I'm one of those idiots who can't tell the different between retroviruses and retro-funk. I expect William Gibson is more to your tastes than my fare, eh?

His tales of silicon gods, in their silent quantum corridors...

That just gets me every time.

And thank you for asking, but I departed into the wilds _without_ female company. Unlike myself, my girlfriend is well aware of the ravenous properties of mosquitoes and the like. When I came back, I looked like I'd been in a fight with seven different muggers and lost to each of them.

She didn't laugh, to her credit. Looking at pictures of myself, I know I did. She did kind of snicker though. That was pretty emasculating.

If you have a lemon, maybe you could post it on your profile as a one shot so I can review it. I don't like the whole "secret message" idea that Flanfiction has been advocating recently. Isn't sharing better?

gantz10: Er...okay. Yup, writing crazies is fun. It's easy for me, since I'm intimately acquainted with the viewpoint.

lalalamelody2000: Thank you. Which parts specifically? Is it the setting, dialogue, description? I know it wasn't plot. My plots can be fairly frilly. I need to work on that.

Tergar of Konoha: All funny is creepy, my friend. When you laugh, a little bit of you is crying on the inside.

Clowns are a perfect example. In all my life, I've never seen anything more horrifying--or ridiculous.

The Wonk: Read books. That always helps. Not those trashy dime-fiction novels, but real books--Jane Austen is probably a bad example, but hey! Why not? Asimov has some awesome platonic connections that I learned to cultivate. Books have the answer.

Paladin-kriss: Now, now, let's refrain from any dirty subjects. Out loud, that is. Heh.

Massage scenes seem to get everyone. This is odd, because a massage, in itself is not hard to give. Just hard to write, I guess.

XaKiel: Hm. Yup, you've hit the nail on the head. Starting a story without really establishing a history can result in some shaky plotlines.

I tried to start this series In Media Res, but that didn't quite work out, and I got a one-shot instead. Now, it's a series, and I have to keep up with its pace. Your suggestions really help towards focusing what exactly that pace ought to be. THanks.

NowYouWantMe123: So many exclamation points! Wow! I like being excited too! Hi! Hi!

You know it's funny, but whenever I use a bunch of exclamation points, I feel better. Er...better! Is it the same for you?

Sorry about your heartbreaker. I hope you kicked him, or something. In the fork of the legs, maybe? There are far too many smug bastards in the world--someone needs to deliver an occasional kick to the groin.


End file.
